


The Ones Who Walk Away

by risingfire17



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Best Friends, Bromance, Bromance to Romance, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Serial Monogamy, Slow Burn, TW Suicide mention, breakup comfort, seven likes dystopian fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 50,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24792985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risingfire17/pseuds/risingfire17
Summary: Being best friends with Luciel Choi means that Yoosung Kim will probably always have more questions than answers, even after knowing him for half their lives. But that's okay, because he knows despite all Seven's secrets, he is sincere in their friendship. After all, he's been with Yoosung through all the dark times, through a sexuality crisis, a disastrous relationship, a grueling college admissions process, and the death of his beloved cousin Rika. But when when strange circumstances re-open the investigation into Rika's death, everyone in RFA seems to have something to hide, including his best friend!
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel/Kim Yoosung
Comments: 70
Kudos: 89





	1. Sunday School Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> Some chapters are told from Yoosung's point of view and some are told from seven's. May add alternate points of view later. I'll always note at the top whose POV the chapter is told from though!

**Yoosung**

The first time I met Seven, I was ten years old. He looked about my age, but the similarities ended there. He hopped over the fence of the church play yard and landed right in front of me. I had been shocked, like any normal child would have, but he had just flashed me an excited grin that lit up the golden eyes under his oversized glasses and slapped his palm over my mouth.

“Shh, I’m playing hide-and seek! Don’t get me caught, kay?” When I could only give him a stunned nod, he smiled even wider and led me into the bushes below the brick wall leading to the main church, the hand that had covered my mouth now holding mine.

I hadn’t played in bushes like this in a long time, and the fact that I was now doing so in my Sunday best with boy I just met…it seemed like it should be bad, but I was excited. I started to giggle. The boy covered my mouth again.

“We have to be quiet, remember? Or we lose!” His face so close to mine and his voice a giddy whisper made me feel excited, like I was part of something cool. I looked into his dancing golden eyes and nodded enthusiastically.

“Good boy.” He returned my smile with one of his own as he ruffled my hair. His praise made me want to do whatever he asked, even if it meant messing up the hair my cousin Rika had spent so long slicking down for church.

“I’m gonna check if the coast is clear.” He slowly poked his head out of the bush and looked in the direction of the main church, and I followed suit. The priest was talking to a group of elderly church members. Rika was talking to a group of church ladies, probably about the upcoming bake sale they had been talking about all month. Two huge men in black suits and sunglasses were approaching Rika’s group. I had never seen them before, but they looked so cool, like something out of a spy movie! I was going to ask my new friend if he wanted to go meet them, but he grabbed my hand and yanked me in the other direction, toward the gate at the back of the church yard. I caught him muttering “she should take care of it.”

I pulled on his hand still gripping mine as we reached the gate. “We’re not supposed to go outside! And besides, the gate is locked, and kids don’t know the code!”

“It’ll be fine, trust me!” he said with a wink. As he said, the gate was unlocked! He hadn’t even put in a code! He slipped out and started to close the gate behind him. “Thanks, that was fun!” Wait. This boy was leaving? Just like that? I was possessed with the need to talk to this enigmatic boy some more, to understand just _what_ had happened!

“Wait! Where are you going? I shoved myself into the gate to stop him closing it and grabbed his wrist. For the first time, he looked shocked. He yanked his arm back so hard I lost my grip, but not before I’d been forced through the gate, which closed behind me. I was outside! How much trouble would I get in?

He looked through the gate, past the empty play yard where adults were starting to file into the main church. He looked back at me with a playful smirk and held out his hand. “Wanna find out?”

* * *

As we half skipped, half jogged through the streets behind the church, he a pace ahead of me with my hand firmly in his, I stared at his back and wondered just how I had ended up here with someone like him. Like I said, he looked about my age, but other than that, he was nothing like me.

I was a good child, I guess. I studied hard. In fact, I had the best grades in my class. I didn’t boast though. I actually barely talked to anyone. It’s not that I didn’t care for people. I just wasn’t very good at talking to them. So I stuck to studying. Rika had started bringing me to church with her sometimes, hoping I would talk to some of the other kids there. But instead I hid by myself in the play yard until church started, and when the other kids took it over after church, I silently followed Rika until we left. I guess I was a pretty shy child.

I think the other kids thought I didn’t talk to them because I was mean. At least, that’s what they said when they whispered about me. I was too scared to even correct them, so I just let them say it and hid away by myself.

This boy was completely different. Everything about him seemed to glow like he was born to be admired. It wasn’t just the bright red curls or the twinkling golden eyes, though those certainly drew the eye. It was his entire demeanor. The way he stood tall, the light and carefree way he ran, the way he so calmly jumped that fence into my life and pulled me into this game of his. His strong hand that boldly led me through the streets. The way, every time he turned to check on me, his eyes danced like his feet, and his lips curled into a reassuring smirk, like nothing could possibly go wrong in his game. This boy was 100% different from me, brimming with a confidence that I could just not get enough of.

When we finally slowed to a walk, I no longer knew where we were, and my stomach started to tighten a bit. But I reminded myself that my new friend knew what he was doing. Wait. _Was_ he a friend? I didn’t even know his name. Well, I guess it was time to start making a friend.

“What’s your name?”

“Three guesses.”

“Huh?”

The boy turned to me, brushing his red curls out of his eyes which now danced with the mirth of a new game. “Three chances to guess my name. Isn’t it fun!”

“And if I don’t get it in three guesses you won’t tell me?”

“Yep!”

“But that’s impossible! That’s not fair!” I may have started to whine a bit, and I swear his smirk softened just a little.

“All right, fine. I’ll give you a hint. It’s in the Bible. Hope you paid attention in Sunday school!” He giggled, and I wondered if it was because I was currently skipping Sunday school.

“There’s a lot of names in the Bible.” I pouted.

“So?”

“Ugh, Old or New Testament?”

“Old.”

“All right…um…Noah?” He looked like the kind of person who would want to be on a boat with an entire zoo.

“Nope! Strike one!” he shouted gleefully. “Two more!”

“Ummmm…” I wracked my brain for a Bible name common among Korean parents. “Um, David?”

“Nope! Strike two! One more!”

I was starting to get really nervous, like the way I did on a test when I didn’t know the answer. I was starting to sweat. He may have noticed and took pity on me, because he gave me another hint. “It’s like the least common name in the Bible, oh and in church they probably told you he’s a bad guy!”

“A bad guy? I know! Jezebel!”

He stared at me for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. “Jezebel’s a woman, silly! Strike three!”

My heart sank and tears threatened my eyes. I had always been a crybaby. But before they could come out, the redhead grabbed my hand again and pulled me toward what looked like a corner store. “Ah, here! Let’s get some snacks!” He pulled some coins from his pocket and forced them into my hand. “Go inside and get us a bag of Honey Buddha Chips!”

“What’s that?”

“Only the best snack known to mankind! I’ve been saving forever for them!”

“Wait. Why aren’t you going in with me?”

“It’s a secret!” He patted my head with his strong hand, and I felt warm inside despite my hesitation. “Don’t worry, I won’t run off while you’re in there! Promise!” He took my hand and wrapped his pinky finger around mine as he flashed me one of those smiles that I was learning would probably get me to do anything.

“O-okay.”

* * *

As I followed this boy to wherever we were going next, we passed the bag of Honey Buddha Chips between us. He was right; these chips were amazing! My parents didn’t let me eat food like that; they said it was bad for me. I did well enough in science to know that they were right, but that didn’t stop me from deciding they were more than welcome in my life! I looked at this strange boy who had jumped the fence to my church in a faded hoodie, tattered jeans, and oversized glasses and convinced me to skip Sunday school and concluded my parents would probably say he’s bad for me too. My stomach tingled with excitement as I decided he was as welcome in my life as those chips.

I noticed he was barely eating, which was odd, seeing how excited he had been for them in the first place. I decided to ask him why.

“Ah…I want to save some!”

“For what?”

His face lit up with one of his huge goofy smiles. “To remember our trip by, of course!”

“What’s the point if they go bad, though?”

“Ummmm…” For once, this strangely confident boy didn’t seem to know what to say.

“Isn’t it better to eat them together before they go bad?”

He stopped and patted my head again. “I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh. “I’m happy to eat these with you; really I am, but there’s someone else I want to share them with too.”

“Wow! Why didn’t you just tell me? Who is it?”

His toothy grin was back. “Well…it’s my mommy!”

In that moment, I decided this boy couldn’t be _too_ much different from me. He wanted to make his mom happy just like I wanted to do for mine! I was now finding this boy to be really…sweet. Of course I wasn’t going to say that. I wasn’t great at talking to people, but I knew that wasn’t something kids said to each other! Instead I just laughed and told him I hoped his mom like them as much as I did.

He smiled a much softer smile than his previous ones, and it somehow looked even nicer than the others. When he caught me staring up at him, he took my hand again and pulled me around the corner. His face lit up as he pointed to our destination: a park at the end of the road. He started running again, and, my hand still in his, I followed him.

* * *

We ran around the playground having the time of our lives until we collapsed exhaustedly on the grass. We lay side by side, on our backs, naming the clouds in the sky for common objects and animals. After he found one that looked like a cross, I asked him if he went to church.

“Nah, too much sitting still for me!”

“Then why did you come to my church today?”

“I told you; I was playing hide-and-seek!”

“What happened to the people you were playing with?”

“They…they gave up and went home because I was too good!”

“You mean…you left them? But…wouldn’t they miss you?” I took my eyes from the sky to fix him with a stare that was supposed to be scolding but probably just looked sad. Because if he would ditch the friends he was playing tag with, wouldn’t he ditch me too?

“Nah, they were being mean to me! That’s why I wanted to hide! They weren’t nice like you are!”

I could feel my face grow hot at his compliment. I loved compliments, but I never knew how to respond to them. Instead, I just asked him, “who would be mean to you?”

He flashed me a grin, and I knew what he was going to say before he said it. “That’s a secret!” He sure did have a lot of secrets. But at least he told me when he didn’t want to tell me something, instead of just lying about it.

Then he sat up and held out his hand, which I took before even asking him where we were going. I didn’t have to though, because he told me “it’s time to get you back to church before anyone notices you’re gone!”

* * *

As I followed him, trusting him to know the way back to my church because I sure didn’t, I tried to wrap my mind around this enigma of a boy. He didn’t go to church, but he had somehow known that the gate that was always locked would be unlocked. He hid from someone just to take a complete stranger to play with him. He’d rather send someone to buy the chips who knew nothing about them than go in himself. He was so calm and confident, loud and carefree, but it seemed almost like he was…hiding from someone? Had he gotten in trouble?

Maybe. He seemed like the type who would get into mischief. Nothing too bad. Maybe a prank gone too far? Or a game that went out of control?

Still, he was a kind boy with a smile that could calm any fear. He seemed not to have much, but he shared what he did have. And if he got someone in trouble, he helped them get out of it. So hence him leading me back to church. This boy was an enigma, for sure, but…I wanted to trust him. I wanted to be his friend.

So when we approached the church, its parishioners still packed inside but communion bells telling they wouldn’t be for long, and the redhead started to walk back the way they had come, I ran after him and grabbed his wrist. He yanked again, this time yanking me into him. He caught me by the shoulders and steadied me before I fell.

“What are you doing?”

“My name is Yoosung! Yoosung Kim! I want to be your friend!” I held out my hand for him to shake. He gave me another one of those soft smiles, but this one looked sad. He shook my hand and then turned away again. Or at least tried to, because I grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Wait!” He turned toward me again. “What’s your name?”

He paused, opened his mouth and then closed it. He grinned, but it didn’t look as happy as the ones before. “Aw, come on, you lost our guessing game, remember? No freebies!”

My voice cracked as I asked, “but how can we be friends if you won’t tell me your name?! This whole time…did you not think of us as friends?” I hung my head so he couldn’t see my tears. My hand started to fall from his hoodie.

Then he slipped his fingers under my chin and propped me up to look at him. I thought he was going to make fun of me, or yell at me, or anything but what he did. He leaned forward, and…touched his mouth to mine.

My body suddenly felt way too warm with the knowledge that what was happening was not supposed to happen. Well, no one had told me that, per se, but it was one of those things everyone knew. Children’s kisses were for the cheeks of mommies and aunties and grannies, oh and little babies. Children didn’t kiss each other on the mouth like that. And this was another boy too! That had to be worse!

But all I could think was how happy I was that this boy didn’t seem to hate me. And how light and fluffy I felt on the inside when he was that close to me. And how I wanted to see him again.

When he pulled away, I stood flush-faced and wide-eyed, unable to take my eyes off him. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you my name. It really is a secret. But I like you, okay? So please don’t cry.” He smoothed my hair into place, his touch and his smile so gentle I couldn’t argue.

The bells were ringing again. Church was out. I had to get back now. He gave me a gentle push toward the church.

“Will I ever see you again?”

“I hope so.” This time he gave me no chance to stop him again as he turned and ran away, leaving the ghost of his warmth on my body, a ghost that would haunt me for a long time.

* * *

When Miss Eun told Rika I had not been in Sunday school, stealing glares at me as I hid behind my cousin, I fully expected a public lecture. I did not expect for Rika to apologize profusely for forgetting to tell Miss Eun that I was working on a special project for the bake sale and that I wouldn’t be attending Sunday school today. She was lying and I knew it, and going by the scowl on Miss Eun’s face, she didn’t believe it either. But to his relief, she let the issue fall.

Soon after, Rika announced that it was time for her to return me to my parents’ house. As soon as we were in her car, she asked where I’d been. And I couldn’t lie to her. Not to Rika. She was probably the most important person to me other than my parents. She listened to me when I cried, comforted me and told me it was okay to take things at me own pace, and gave me a world through volunteering where even I could make people smile. I couldn’t repay her with lies.

I admitted to meeting that strange red-haired boy who jumped the fence and took me out to play, that strange boy who smiled and played games and shared food but would not say his name. How he had pulled me into a game of hide-and-seek, how he had somehow made the gate open! I left out only the kiss, because that felt too…strange to tell anyone. It wasn’t exactly lying, but it wasn’t telling the whole truth either. My stomach was twisting. If this was what a secret felt like, how could that boy hold so many?

Rika listened while I told her the whole story. When I was done, she sighed and said “Oh, Yoosung. I didn’t think you would lie to me like that.”

I panicked. Did she somehow know about the kiss? How? She should have been in church at the time! But then, I should have too. I hung my head.

“Yoosung, I know you’re afraid to talk to other children, but if it’s so bad you felt like you had to skip Sunday school, you should have told me, not hide and then lie to me about it!”

Wait. Rika…didn’t believe me? But she knows I would never lie to her! But my stomach started to twist again, and I wondered if that was really true. But I wasn’t making this up!

“Yoosung, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Yes, Rika! And I’m telling you, there really was a boy!” She stopped the car and looked at me with hardened eyes I had never seen on her before. She spoke in a harsh voice, so unlike her:

“That boy does not exist.”

She started driving again and her voice returned to normal. “Yoosung, it’s not healthy at your age to have imaginary friends. If you can’t talk to other kids, then please talk to me. Please? I promise; you can tell me anything.”

I knew there was no point arguing with her anymore, even if I couldn’t believe what she was saying. “Yes, Rika. I’m sorry.”

Rika kissed my forehead and promised she wouldn’t tell my parents about today as long as I forgot about my imaginary friends and worked on making real ones. We never talked about that day again. And she didn’t take me to her church again for a very long time, even when I asked.

I did work hard on making friends. By the time I was finishing middle school, I wasn’t the most popular kid, but I had classmates I got along well with. It took a long time, but I finally buried the memory of that mysterious red-haired boy, and with it, a lot of confusing thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was reluctant to post on here because I am still editing, I might add chapters in between chapters and rewrite stuff. But I was hoping to get feedback and constructive criticism! How does it flow? Is it paced well? Stuff like that.
> 
> Heads up: I will probably be changing the rating of this later. There will probably be smut. Consider yourselves warned! :D
> 
> The title is a working one and is based on the short story, "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" by Ursula K Le Guin. It depicts life in a fictional utopia called Omelas, where everyone is happy and healthy only as long as one child is kept in eternal despair and darkness. Everyone knows about the child. Most turn a blind eye to the child and live their happy lives, some are disgusted and leave Omelas for the scary unknown world outside, but no one tries to save the child. The story will be referenced later on in this fic, I imagine Seven to be much like this child, and Yoosung has a chance to save him. I'm not sure how I feel about the title though, so don't be surprised if it changes!


	2. Return of the Redhead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung has forgotten all about the strange boy he met at church so long ago. But his memory is about to be jogged when he rushes to defend his cousin's home against an intruder!

**Yoosung**

By the time I was 14, I had long forgotten that strange day at the cathedral. I had far more important things on my mind. High school entrance exams were coming up, and I had my eyes set on one school and one school only. It was one of the most prestigious schools in all of Korea, and my sister was finishing her final year there, after which, she would be attending university at a world-renown American institution. To say I felt pressure to follow in her footsteps would be a monstrous understatement.

I was already top of my class at my junior high. Of course my parents were proud of me, they never hesitated to remind me of my sister’s accomplishments and how excited they were to watch me perform the same. I couldn’t let them down.

So I studied hard and participated in a lot of community service. My parents were divided in their reactions to the latter. My mother worried that too much distraction from my studies could cost me my rank, but my father insisted that these days, I would need more than just good grades to get into a good university. I tended to side with my father, but I promised my mother I would never allow anything to compromise my grades. She would always look at me with resigned eyes before kissing my forehead and telling me she knew I wouldn’t.

Honestly, I knew why my mother didn’t like the community service. She was worried I would turn out like my cousin Rika. My aunt and uncle had adopted her when she was young, only to disown her when she dropped out of high school to marry Jihyun. Honestly, she didn’t seem to be doing bad. Jihyun had inherited a great deal of money, and he had become a famous photographer under the pseudonym “V,” making quite a bit of money in his own right. They were working hard to start a fundraising association for philanthropic causes. It was my cousin’s dream come true.

I had started doing community service as a child because I was swept up in her dream of making the world a better place. She’s always said that creating smiles on people’s faces is the most powerful of magic. I understand what she meant when I see the smiles I have put on other’s faces, be it those of my parents when I earn another award, or those of the hospital patients I sing to when they are sad. The warm, bubbly feeling that grows in my stomach seeing those smiles, knowing I created them, it’s a feeling of power, of confidence. It’s like I’m so sure of my place in the world.

I don’t plan to drop out of school like Rika did, though. I must get good grades and grow up to get a good job so I can be a proper man and take care of my own family someday. Of course, that’s so far in the future I can’t imagine it. It was strange to believe I’d have a wife someday, when I never even spoke to girls now, or really much of anyone. I was no longer bullied like I had been in elementary school, but I still wasn’t close with any of my classmates. Still, if I had to imagine having a wife someday, I hope it was someone strong and kind like Rika. And for that, I’d have to become a capable man like Jihyun.

Which was why, as soon as Rika, Jihyun, and I returned to their home from their latest event, and we had finished unloading their car, I pulled my English reader and my English to Korean dictionary out of my pocket, so I could get more reading done while I waited for one of them to take me home. English was the only subject I ever struggled with and falling behind even a bit would shatter my class rank.

It was a good thing I had brought these study materials with me, because it seems an urgent matter came up, and they would need to return to the place they just were right away. I told them not to worry about me, that I would be fine waiting for them.

Before they left, Rika gave me a sealed envelope and looked at me seriously. “Yoosung, someone will be here while we are gone to help with my computer. This is his payment. Will you give it to him?” She bit her lip after asking, as if she thought the task of paying a repairman would be too much for me. I reassured her it would be no problem. She still looked strangely hesitant, but she still gave me a soft smile and thank you as they loaded into their car.

And for a while, all I cared about was my reading. Until I heard noise in the kitchen. Why would there be noise in the kitchen? No one else was in the house, right? Was this a burglar? In broad daylight? That made no sense. But still, I had to check. Someone might be trying to hurt my cousin, after all! I took the poker from the fireplace and made my way to the kitchen. Despite my racing heart and sweaty palms, I made myself look into the kitchen….

And came face-to-face with a boy not much older looking than myself. He wore baggy blue jeans and an equally baggy black hoodie, unzipped to reveal a white shirt and a dark metal cross hanging from his neck. He had shaggy red curls that fell into his face, and golden eyes that hid behind far too large spectacles. He was tall and incredibly skinny-looking, though that could be because he was hiding under all those baggy clothes.

He turned around at my gasp, sandwich raised halfway to his mouth, Rika’s refrigerator door closing behind him. His eyes widened, probably realizing he was caught. But I didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t look like the dangerous intruder I had expected. Maybe it was all that charity work getting to me but he looked…like maybe he needed help. Maybe I could help him. Realizing I still held the poker, I hastily moved to put it down.

Before I could fully lower it, however, the boy sprang into action. In a swift movement, he’d grabbed the poker in both his hands before I had even been able to remove my own from it. With ease, he spun me around and into the wall, the poker folding my arms in on themselves and sitting dangerously beneath my throat.

I take back what I just thought about him not looking dangerous. He’d just made it perfectly clear he could hurt me quite easily. I didn’t try to move; I didn’t even breathe. I just watched him.

His face still didn’t look particularly menacing, although that kind of thinking had got me in this mess. His golden eyes scanned me like he was sizing me up. When they settled back on my face, he hummed and the corners of his lips curled into the slightest hint of a smirk.

He leaned in close to my face, and my heart started thumping so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest. Oh god, what was happening? Was this the end? Was he going to kill me? If he was, could he just make it fast? Wait, why was his face so close to mine? I could feel my own face heating up. I might be about to die, but I couldn’t help but feel exposed and embarrassed under his golden gaze.

Finally he spoke, in a light, jovial tone I was not expecting. “You really don’t want to put that down till you know who you’re dealing with, cutie!”


	3. It's You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven has known all along who the boy he met at church that day was, and it is much better for Yoosung if he never remembers. But Yoosung's not giving up so easily!

**Seven**

Of course I knew Yoosung Kim was _her_ cousin. I had learned that very shortly after I first met him all those years ago. I just didn’t know she would ever let me meet him again. She was skilled at keeping her life with people like him and her life with people like me separate. And she had good reason to be. So when she not only asked me to come to her house, but also left me in the house with him, I honestly had no idea what she was thinking. It was just lucky for all of us that he didn’t seem to recognize me at all.

But I knew one thing the moment I looked into those adorable violet eyes. I did not want to get close to Yoosung Kim. Not when he actually had a chance at a normal life. Not when he reminded me of someone else whom I desperately wanted to have a normal life. And not when he was just as cute as he had been four years ago.

Wait, what the hell was that thought? Oh yeah, best keep this strictly business.

“I’m here to work on your cousin’s computer.” I let the poker fall back into his hands. A poker? Cute. I’d been trained to anticipate many different attempts on my life, but a poker held overhead, unbalanced, by a shaky-handed teenager in broad daylight was not one of them. The agency was correct in assuming I could figure this one out for myself. Still, I had to give the kid credit. Against your average burglar, the method might work if he could go through with it, though that was debatable. He looked the type who couldn’t hurt anyone, even someone trying to hurt him. Exactly the type I’d like to keep as far from my business as possible. 

“ _You’re_ the computer tech? You’re a kid!” She even told the kid she was expecting him? What the hell was she playing at?

“Kid genius, thanks. Cursed to graduate and slave away in the workforce early! Study hard and you can get there too!” Did I really need to joke around so much with him? Probably not. But I have to admit it was fun. Should probably get back to business though. This was dangerous territory. “And I know Rika.”

Kid narrowed his eyes. What? Didn’t think his perfect cousin could be associated with someone as sketchy as me? Well, there was a lot he didn’t know about her, and I hoped to God he’d never find out. 

  
  
“How do you know Rika?”

“Met her at church.”

“You go to church?”

“Did ya think the cross was for show? Learn to read people, cutie.”

I think I was starting to ruffle some feathers at that point. “Stop calling me that! Why do you keep calling me that?” It was a fair question. One I’d like to know the answer to as well. I only hit on people when I’m trying to control them, after all. I don’t want to control this kid. I just want to keep him away from me. Maybe if I keep it up, I’ll scare him off?

“So, guard dog, you gonna let me get to work or not?”

“First off, what’s your name?” Tch. As if I’d let the kid get any information out of me. Not because I feared I had anything less than a solid alias, but simply because I didn’t want to give the kid any chance to get closer to me. 

“Three guesses.”

“What?”

“You get three chances to guess my name. You get it right; you get official recognition from me as the greatest name guesser in existence! You get it wrong; you leave me alone and let me do my work! Understood?”

The kid stared at me in silence. “If you don’t guess, I’ll take it as a forfeit and get to work.” I had just started to push past the kid when he grabbed my wrist. When I turned to face him, his eyes were wide, and his face was pale.

“It’s _you_.” That was the moment I realized that Yoosung had figured out exactly who I was. _Crap._ I had pulled the exact same game with him four years ago, hadn’t I? Why had I let myself play around with him so easily? Ugh, damage control time.

“I don’t know who exactly you think I am, kiddo, but I don’t think we’ve ever met.” I had the perfect confused expression, the tone, the eyes, the body language; it was all perfect. I had received excellent acting training from the agency, though to be honest I didn’t need it. I was a liar from birth.

He faltered for a moment before he continued, clearly beginning to doubt his memory. After all, my acting was spot-on. “We…met…when we were kids…at Rika’s church…I’m sure….”

“Really? Hmm…maybe we have met then; I have been going to that church for two years, after all.” I knew perfectly well he had not been to her church since we last met, four years ago. Rika had made sure of that. He knew it, too. I watched Yoosung’s face fall, and something in me wanted to fall with it. I hadn’t technically lied to him; I never attended a service there until I was 13, shortly after I gained my alias. I may be a liar from birth, but I liked to avoid outright lies when I could. Less messy that way.

“Oh…I guess not then…I stopped going there a long time ago. I’m sorry…I…thought you were someone else.” Poor kid looked like he wanted to cry. I was honestly touched that he not only remembered me, but also wanted to see the me from his memories so bad he was about to cry. He had always been such a crybaby, honestly…

…Just like him.

_No! Get those thoughts out of your head, right now before they mess you up!_

I put on a face of stoic boredom that crushed us both. “Sorry I couldn’t help you, kiddo, but look, I’m really running late. I’ve got other jobs to do, ‘kay?” 

I was both relieved and devastated when Yoosung finally backed off and let me do my work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may combine this chapter with the next one later...I'm not sure if this one really has enough content to stand alone?


	4. What's in Paradise?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven's always kept his emotions at bay and accepted his lot in life. But something about Yoosung's got a lot of those emotions flooding to the surface, and they're not all pretty!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the title reference comes into play! This chapter will reference the short story "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" by Ursula K Le Guin. It depicts life in a fictional utopia called Omelas, where everyone is happy and healthy only as long as one child is kept in eternal despair and darkness. Everyone knows about the child. Most turn a blind eye to the child and live their happy lives, some are disgusted and leave Omelas for the scary unknown world outside, but no one tries to save the child. Throughout this story I see Seven as what happens when the child grows up and escapes on his own, while Yoosung gets a chance to save him when he learns the truth. The way the two react to the short story in this chapter will be important for their character development later!

**Seven**

He was not sneaky at all, so I had plenty of time to hide computer screens before he opened the door. I still mentally cursed having to work with an outsider around. Talk about security breach risk! 

“Ever hear of knocking?”

“It’s not your office.”

“Not yours either.” Not wanting to look at the kid’s crestfallen face for too long, I asked, “What’s up?”

He held up an envelope. “It’s your payment. Rika left it with me.” Payment? More like my next instructions. My payment was, and always will be, _his_ safety. Not that the kid needed to know that.

“Just leave it by the door. I’ll grab it on my way out.”

I expected him to leave. What I didn’t expect was for him to linger in the doorway, twiddling his thumbs and looking at the floor. I just couldn’t catch a break. “What is it?”

“Well…I was wondering if you could help me.” He pulled what looked like a schoolbook out of his pocket. “I have to read this for English class, but there’s this word I don’t understand, and the back part of my English-Korean dictionary got ruined a while back, and you said you were a genius so I thought maybe you’d know English…” Kid’s face was red. Like red. He would not look me in the eyes. It was honestly adorable, in such an infuriating way! Couldn’t he just leave him alone?

“You ever think of just looking it up on your phone?”

“I tried, but I can’t get internet for some reason.” Oh. That made sense. With the work I was doing, it was no surprise other devices in the house might have an unstable connection. And damn, he looked so pitiful. All over one homework assignment. What a life, huh?

“Oh, hell, you’re just lucky I have some updates to wait on before I can continue this.” That was true. Not that I needed to admit that to him. What the hell was I doing? “Lemme see.”

I cannot remember the last time I saw a smile as bright as his as he rushed toward me. Yeah, no way he was getting that close to the computers. Instead I guided him toward the couch. “Yeah, yeah, quit groveling and let me see the word. Oh, that’s pronounced yoo-tow-pee-uh. It’s like…a perfect place, where no one suffers, like a paradise.” I had a whole history lesson, complete with commentary, on the idea of utopia, but that was probably a bit more information than he needed for his homework. 

“Oh thank you! That word was all over the review questions and I couldn’t figure it out! English is hard!” So this is how normal kids learn, huh? I wouldn’t know. I’d learned three languages in two years, and had started two more. The agency needed me to learn a lot of languages so I could hack into international databases. And the agency had a way of making sure their agents understood the importance of learning quickly. 

Luckily for me, I absorbed knowledge like a sponge. Both useful things like languages and codes, and useless things like the rise and inevitable fall of “utopian” societies.

Unfortunately for me, I sometimes lacked the ability to keep my damn mouth shut. Like now. “So, what’re you reading?”

“Oh, uh, it’s called ‘The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas.’ It’s American.” Well, now that he’d gone and mentioned one of my favorite foreign short stories, I would certainly have a hard time keeping my mouth shut!

“Ah! I can see why you’d need the word ‘utopia,’ then! Omelas is definitely utopia; it’s clean and bright and everyone is happy, and they get to have festivals all the time! It’s perfect, right?”

“I guess, but what about the kid who has to suffer for all that to exist? And everyone just lets it happen! Even the ones who say they care just leave instead of trying to stop it! Isn’t it horrible?” His lip was quivering. Damn, normal people had such weak stomachs. Couldn’t face the truth. 

I didn’t bother to ask him what he would do if he was a resident of Omelas. I knew what he would say, that he would pull some heroic bullshit and rescue the kid, to hell with the fabric of their society. I also knew what he would actually do, had he been raised there. He’d be a good boy and do what his elders told him. He would cry a bit and then forget the manner entirely to protect his own sanity. He was only human, after all, and there was only so much that normal humans untouched by darkness could understand.

But something in me raged when I thought about good boy Yoosung Kim turning a blind eye to the suffering of children like that one, like me, like…him. Children of darkness. My stomach started to twist. All I wanted was for this boy to stay innocent and away from the darkness, so why now did I feel a burning desire to force him to see its ugly face?

“Hey. What would you do if you were the kid?” I leaned in, eager to see what answer he could come up with. When he could give nothing but incoherent stuttering, the dark urge that had suddenly took over me flared up even more.

“Aw, c’mon, think about it! You’re locked up, living in filth and darkness, fed just enough rotten scraps to keep you alive, and everyone who knows about you looks the other way, afraid your suffering is a disease they can catch! Heh. _You’re_ a disease they can catch. Every time someone sees you, you hope they’ll be the one to make it stop, but every time your hope is crushed!”

“What would you do if everyone around you was a terrible person that pushed you into darkness?” I held my breath waiting for his answer.

“Well, I think I’d…I don’t know, try to talk to them? They’re not cruel, they’re just…scared. But if I could promise them I’d look out for them if they look out for me, then they wouldn’t have to be afraid, even if the world did change.” Huh. They were scared, huh? Should’ve tried to comfort them, huh? As they tried to kill me. Pathetic. What did I expect, though? It’s not like the kid’s logic could ever work in my world. There, kids like him got erased.

“And who teaches you to be nice? In fact, who teaches you to talk at all? No one talks to you, down there in the darkness. If you’re going to teach them to be nice to you, you’ve got to learn to be nice first, right? How do you learn to be nice if you’re never shown niceness?” That’s right. No one had taught met to be nice. That’s why I couldn’t be nice to him. He should stay away.

He was trembling under my gaze now, and his eyes were filled with tears. I wondered how long it had been since I had last worn such an expression. Years, at least. Of course, back then, I had actually lived in darkness. This kid was about to break just hearing about it. 

“Wh-what would you do?”

“Me?” Wrong question to ask, cutie pie. “I’d become just as evil as my tormentors. No. Not just as evil. More evil. I would watch everything they do and learn to do it far better than they ever could. That’s the _only_ way to take care of yourself in a world like that. Don’t you think?”

His head hung. “I…I couldn’t.” 

“Even if everyone let you suffer? Even if no one cared?” He nodded. I was getting angry now. Stop acting like this, kid! Stop saying it’s okay for others to hurt you! Stop being a good boy! Stop acting like _him!_

He looked into my eyes, and I realized a few things: first, that I had gone way too far. And second, that I had stopped the strict monitoring I always had of my facial expressions. This kid just saw beneath a mask that has fooled criminal masterminds. Why had I let him?

Was it because he reminded me of _him?_

Before I could turn the whole thing into a sick joke, the boy collapsed in my arms, tears dampening my shirt. All my training and I had no idea how to confront this. The sweet boy that should be protected had fallen apart by my own hand, yet he was still hanging onto me. Why? 

He pushed himself up just enough to look at me with his teary eyes. He was way too close, but I’d forgotten how to move. Through his tears, he asked me in a quivering voice, “is that what you did?”

My heart stopped.

He saw me.

He fucking _saw_ me.

Is that what _he_ would ask if he could see me now?

His once perfectly groomed brown hair had started to fall into his face. I reached down and tucked them back. It was all I could do, because I could not yet speak, or even move away. He was so close. His shaky breath on my face was my only air as I drowned in a sea of his violet tears.

Is this what I would do if he confronted me?

No. I couldn’t compare this guy to my brother anymore. Not when he made my breath quicken like this. Not when he made my blood boil like this. Not when I wanted, so terribly…

…to kiss him.

He’d stopped crying. He was staring up at me, waiting for me to make my move. His eyes were so trusting, like he would accept whatever I did. God, how could I have ever wanted to hurt him? How could I want to do anything but protect him?

I was still moving closer, and he was still letting me….

And then there was screeching. What? Oh, right. My computer. The updates were done. That’s right. Rika’s computer. I had a job to do. A dirty job. One that should be kept as far away from innocent guys like Yoosung Kim as humanly possible.

Oh God, what the hell had I just done? Shit, damage control, damage control….

And then my jokester face was back on, my mask once again hiding everything. And with that, my feelings retreated back to whatever realm of hell they had escaped from. I was calm.

“And that’s our English lesson for today! Now run along, kiddo, I’ve got work to do!” I hightailed it out of his face and plopped back down at the desk, my back to him. Poor kid. He was probably so confused. Better that than anything else, though.

“You didn’t answer me. Did you become…evil…to escape evil?” His voice was a terrified whisper. No. We weren’t going there. I was not going to traumatize this poor child anymore. 

“Ehhh? C’mon, man, we were just having a hypothetical discussion about utopia! Isn’t that what your teacher wanted? I read those review questions, you know!” Goofy smile, remember to crinkle the eyes. Singsong voice. Dramatic arm flourishes. Perfect. 

“It seemed…a bit more….” Nope. It wasn’t. It can’t be.

“Listen kid, you asked for help on your homework. I delivered. That’s all. Sorry if you can’t tell the difference between that and some sort of…I dunno, bonding experience with some guy you just met.” Poor guy would probably take that to heart and beat himself up for it, but it was better this way. He’d hurt far more if he tried to get close to me.

“Oh. I see. Um, thanks. And…I’m sorry for making it weird.” And then he ran from the room, leaving me to finish my work in peace. Thank goodness it was so easy to lose myself in. See, this kind of work is just a series of puzzles, and puzzles follow certain rules. I know all the rules, so no puzzle could keep me stumped for long. But when there’s a good puzzle in front of me, like the one on this computer, I could dedicate myself, body and soul, to the pursuit of victory. And drown out everything else for a while. Like people.

People followed rules too, but there was a lot more variance to account for with people. It’s funny, my safety depends on reducing people to a set of predictable variables, but if I’m honest with myself, a lot of my “predicting” people is educated guesswork, prayer, and waiting for my inevitable failure, and with it, my demise.

When I finished, I put everything back in place like I’d never been here. I picked up the envelope on my way out of the room. Usually I waited until I was home to read these assignments, but annoying thoughts of Yoosung Kim were wandering into my mind, and I really needed my next puzzle to drown those out. I was almost out the back door when I read the contents of the envelope, just one simple sentence, in Rika’s handwriting:

“Keep an eye on him.”

I froze. “Keep an eye” on whom? Surely, she couldn’t mean…

But this job hadn’t involved anyone else for me to “keep an eye on.” And that would explain why she had suddenly left him here with me. But why now? Hadn’t she kept him away from scum like me all these years? Why was she changing all that? What the hell was she playing at?

And if she _had_ suddenly chosen to get him involved, what did she plan to do with him?

But I didn’t have the luxury of thinking like that. This was a job. And that job kept my brother safe. I would just have to suck up whatever strange feelings this boy had dragged out of me and do it. I turned away from the back door. I’d go out the front, past that table where I knew he was. Studying like a good boy. 

His eyes darted up when he saw me. They followed me as I walked into the room and stood over him. They widened as I made an offer he wouldn’t refuse.

“I’ll tell you my name.”

“R-really?” Immediately his face lit up, as if I hadn’t terrified him a short while ago.

“Yeah. Consider it a peace offering. I can take my jokes too far sometimes, and I’m sorry.”

“Oh, um, I forgive you!” A terrible idea, really.

“I’d…like to forget it and start over. So hear me out. I’ll tell you my name, if you promise never to mention that sick little joke of mine again.” I gave him my brightest smile and held out my hand for him to shake. “What do you say?”

“I, yes! Deal!” He took my hand eagerly, as I figured he would. I gripped his hand so he could not pull away, and before he could protest, I knelt down to whisper in his ear: 

“My name is Luciel. I’ll see you around, Yoosung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully that chapter didn't feel too much like English class! That conversation between the boys was so central to the character development I have in mind for them! If I lost anyone on this chapter, please let me know what I could do to ease it into the story without it being too English class-y!


	5. Memory Meets Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung has a lot of questions about Luciel and how he’s related to the strange boy from his past, but neither Luciel nor Rika will give him any answers! Will he find some if he goes back to the cathedral where it all started?

**Yoosung**

He told me his name and then left.

_But he told me his name._

Rika and Jihyun came home shortly after Luciel left, which didn’t give me much time to process everything that had just happened. Not sure what to make of the whole situation, I decided not to bring it up. I couldn’t figure out why, but I didn’t yet feel comfortable telling Rika anything that had happened with Luciel. Not until I’d had a chance to sort things out.

And of course, on the way home, she asked me, “Did everything go all right with the computer repair guy?”

“Yeah, I gave him the envelope like you said.”

“How did he seem to you?” I had really hoped she would leave it at making sure he got his payment. Besides, why did she care about anything else? Well, she did know him. He had said that. But how did she know such a strange boy?

“Lu-“ I stopped short of saying his name. Why was I struck with a sudden dread of saying his name?

_The way he whispered it to me like he didn’t dare let anyone else hear._

_“I’m sorry I can’t tell you my name. It really is a secret.” The words he had so desperately spoken four years ago._

And could I not even trust Rika?

_“That boy does not exist.” She had said that back then._

“L-look, I was kind of busy with my homework. I’m sorry I didn’t pay closer attention.”

Rika paused, scanning me, and I hung my head in what I hoped she thought was shame at my carelessness. After a moment, she sighed with a smile.

“English?”

“Yeah.”

“That always was your worst subject. Did it go okay?”

“Yeah, I think I’m getting better!”

“That’s great, Yoosung!” We drove in silence for a while. When we pulled in front of my house, Rika stopped me from exiting the car. “Yoosung.” Her voice sounded hesitant.

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be seeing more of him from now on. Be careful around him.” Be careful? What did she mean? Was Luciel dangerous? If he was, then why would he be in Rika’s house?

“The computer guy? Why?”

She gave me a bright smile that had always reassured me, but somehow fell short of that now. “That boy’s lead a troubled life, but he has so much potential. So I’ve been helping him. He’s a little rough around the edges. Please don’t hold it against him; he’s trying so hard. But be careful, okay?”

“Oh, okay!” Was that all? She thought I would be afraid of him because he was a little awkward? Okay, maybe I was a bit, but I also wanted to give him a chance. Especially if he was someone Rika was trying to help! I left her car almost completely assured of the situation, until I remembered, once again, her words from four years ago:

_That boy does not exist.”_

Well, she hadn’t known him back then. He said he hadn’t gone to her church until two years ago. But why had she been so insistent? The way she’d said those words, it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me that he didn’t exist. Or like she was trying to hide his existence?

No. Rika wouldn’t lie to me. She was just afraid for my health, convinced I had imaginary friends at my age. That was the first time she’d doubted me, and it had hurt so much. Looking back, that’s also when I lost the one person I could tell everything to. And somewhere in the midst of my pain and effort to never be rejected by her again, I started to believe that red-haired boy really was some sort of dream. Everything about that encounter had certainly been fantastical enough.

But then that boy had reappeared in my life and made me question everything all over again. I was thoroughly convinced Luciel was the boy I had ditched Sunday school with all those years ago, though he insisted we’d never met before now. Or maybe he just didn’t want to tell me. He was just as secretive now as he was back then. And I was too afraid of Rika’s reaction to ask her of the connection between her computer guy and the boy she’d insisted was in my head.

Rika said he’d had a troubled life. I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but it did explain some things that didn’t add up about him back then. Like the tattered clothes. The unkempt hair. The way he roamed the city with no adult like it was the most natural thing in the world. And the way he seemed like he was hiding from someone. Maybe a lot of someones.

But who did he have to be hiding from to fear telling anyone his name? The police? Was he a criminal? No, Rika would never let a criminal in her house, no matter how much she wanted to help them. Besides, he was around my age. How could a 10-year-old be a criminal?

Besides, for all his confidence that had so enraptured me when I was 10, behind it he seemed…afraid. It had flashed across his face a few times back then, but I had not recognized it at the time. When I tried to stop him from leaving the church. When I tried to stop him from leaving me behind. When he had sent me inside that store. And four years later, he still had a spark of that fear. When I recognized him. And when I asked about his past. There was a moment, before he turned the entire thing into a joke, where he looked into my eyes, absolutely terrified. In that moment, I probably would have done anything to ease his fear.

I’d never been so overcome with a desire to pull someone close before. But at that time, that’s exactly what I had wanted: to keep him so close to me that whatever he was afraid of couldn’t possibly touch him. What would have happened next if I had? Would his chest against mine feel warm? Would he rest his head on my shoulder? Let me run my fingers through his soft curls? Would he look at me with trust in his bright eyes? Would he pull me even closer and…

No. I would not let that scene keep playing in my head past that point. He’s a guy; I should not be thinking like that! Even though something about it felt…familiar. Like my mind was trying to replay a forgotten memory just beyond my reach. Or more likely that my stressed and lonely mind was seeking escape in anything it could find, no matter how messed up!

I think it was safe to say I had developed an unhealthy fixation on Luciel. During the time I should have been thinking of nothing but my studies for the entrance exams, thoughts of him kept invading my mind. I kept asking myself the same questions about him again and again when I should be focusing on review questions. And those weird daydreams didn’t stop. Great; if I failed my entrance exams, not only would I live in the shame of having fallen short of my family’s expectations, but it would all be because I was thinking like a hom- no; I couldn’t even think the word!

But somehow, I did get into the high school I had aimed for. With exams finally over, I could let out the breath I had been holding and relax for the rest of middle school. At least, I could put my test stress to rest. That did nothing to solve my problem of obsessively thinking of a certain redhead. And I highly doubted the month-long break before high school would, either.

Especially when Rika asked me to volunteer at a church event. The event seemed simple enough. It was a door-to-door drive to sell tickets to a fundraising event. Annoying, lots of rejection in store, but simple. What wasn’t simple, however, was that I spent the entire week leading up to the event wondering if Luciel would be there. He had told me he went to her church, after all.

And what made it even less simple was that he _was_ there. And he was nothing like what I expected. Given his secrecy and unconventional behavior, I figured he would be a something of a recluse. However, he was…dazzling. He spoke to everyone with a smile that lit up the whole cathedral. He joked, he shook hands, he clapped backs, he moved in a confident manner that charmed everyone around him. And there were a lot of people around him; he seemed quite popular around here. And those who weren’t talking _to_ him were talking about _him._

“Oh my, Luciel is looking so handsome today! Don’t you think, Hana?”

“Yeah! I wish I could be his partner for the donation drive!”

“Now, now, you know it would be improper for a boy and girl to pair up! _Indecent_ things could happen!”

“Oh I would certainly hope so!”

“Goodness, calm down! I’ll have to go to confession just for hearing this!”

“As if you aren’t thinking the same thing, Yoonah!”

Pfft. I may not have been here in a long time, but I remember Hana and Yoonah. They pretended to be so pious, but they were bullies and gossips of the worst caliber. I bet Luciel would see right through their pathetic show. Not that I cared.

Because I was quite angry with Luciel. Because he was a liar. He had told me his name was a secret, but everyone here knew it. Of course they did. People didn’t make secrets of their names. It was just a stupid joke. But I fell for it. I let myself believe that I was special to him in some way. Just for knowing his name. Man, how stupid could I get? I had wasted months thinking about this guy who saw me as nothing more than the butt of a sick joke! All his jokes were sick! He was sick! I wanted nothing to do with him ever again!

“Yoosung!” _Crap._ I tried to pretend I hadn’t heard him, but he ran to catch up to me, throwing a jovial arm around me and giving me that self-assured grin that had already taken up way too much of my headspace. I tried not to think about that, or about how radiant his eyes looked, or how you could really tell how in shape he was in his well-fitted white button-up shirt and black slacks.

“Long time no see, Yoosung!”

“Yeah, well, I had entrance exams to study for.”

“Ah! I heard you got into the best school around! Rika’s been telling everyone for weeks!” At the mention of my cousin, I was even more pissed off. Was this guy playing Rika the way he had played me?

“Funny she’d tell you. She never tells me anything about you.” I didn’t even bother keeping the vitriol out of my voice.

“Um, is everything okay?” His convincing look of concern made me even angrier.

“Why don’t you tell me? I spent all this time worried if you were okay, thinking you were in some kind of trouble so bad you couldn’t even tell people your name! But clearly that’s not true!” I waved my hands at him and then at the rest of the church in an attempt to convey my incoherent anger.

He seemed to get it though. And for once his calm demeanor dropped; his brow furrowed, and his gaze fell to the floor. “You…were worried for me?”

I laughed harshly. He wasn’t going to get me back under his thumb with just a wrinkled face. “Stupid, right? Stupid Yoosung fell for your stupid joke and almost actually cared for you. What a waste, right?” I started to walk off. I needed some time to cool down before the tears came. It was a most annoying habit of mine; I cried when I was angry. I couldn’t stand it because it was so unmanly, but once the tears came on, there was no stopping them. I certainly wasn’t about to let Luciel see me cry.

Except he did. Because he didn’t let me escape. Instead, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back around. My face flew up to look up at his in shock. And he looked into my eyes, right as my tears started to fall. Now my anger was overshadowed by a feeling of being exposed. Was I ashamed? Was I afraid? I didn’t know how to feel, and I found myself searching his face for answers.

His mouth opened. It quivered some, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t figure out what. He stared at me with wide eyes that looked…sad? Remorseful? Yes, that was it. But under that, there was fear in those eyes. It was that fearful look of his that haunted me, that look that made me want to uncover every last secret of his so I could protect him from them.

He finally spoke, his soft whisper unlike anything I had seen from him today. Or, well, ever. “Yoosung. Be my partner today.”

Was this another joke? It had to be. Everything that came out of this guy’s mouth was just some sick joke. Right? Or was there something underneath all the jokes? Gah, why was I still thinking like this?! He would just make a fool of me again! I would regret getting more involved with him; I knew I would!

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung's not a gay basher or anything, he's just trying to be good in a society that deems homosexuality improper. And he's never questioned his elders, or his sexuality, until now...give him time to wrestle with it a bit! ;)


	6. Imposter Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Yoosung and Luciel partner for a church fundraiser, Yoosung learns a bit more about his strange new acquaintance, and about himself as well. Can they form a friendship based on this new understanding?

**Yoosung**

We all soon departed toward our assigned neighborhoods. I was most definitely no longer nervous about selling charity event tickets to complete strangers. I was too busy being nervous about spending time with Luciel, when I had so many confusing thoughts of him racing through my mind. Why had I agreed to be his partner?

As soon as we were out of sight of the cathedral, he skipped off in the opposite direction of where we were supposed to go. Already frustrated, I may have been a bit sharp-tongued in telling him he was going the wrong way.

“Eh? I know exactly where I’m going! I just have to make a quick stop, is all!”

“What?! Are you _trying_ to get us in trouble?!”

“Nah, we won’t get in trouble, it’s just a teeny tiny stop! Pleeeeeease?” He batted his eyelashes at me in a way that was more comedic than convincing. I actually had to stifle a laugh to maintain my firm stance.

When the playful begging didn’t work, he switched tactics. He stepped closer to me and fixed me with a mischievous grin that made me feel ten years old again. It was that self-assured smile that had haunted my childhood memories, one I saw flashes of at Rika’s house, but had not fully encountered until now. It stopped me in my tracks, and the way his grin widened ever so slightly, I think he knew.

“If you come with me, I’ll tell you one of my best-kept secrets! What do you say?” I was definitely under his spell again; I couldn’t say anything, only nod. I was rewarded with one of the most dazzling, toothy grins I had ever seen.

“Good boy! Yippee!” He spun around and skipped off, and as he did, I found my hand reaching out for his. What was I _doing?!_ Thankfully, I stopped myself before I reached him, and he had turned away too soon to see me. As I struggled to keep up with him, I repeatedly reminded myself that I was _not_ ten years old anymore!

* * *

He brought me to the park. The _same park he brought me to four years ago._ Was he _trying_ to make me lose my mind?

Luciel, however, didn’t seem to see significance in the place. He merely marched across the fields they’d run through years ago like they meant nothing, until he neared the building at the far end. If anything, he looked less boisterous and excited than before. More tense. And was it just me, or did his eyes keep darting all over the place? Was he nervous? He’d mentioned a secret. Just _what_ kind of secret was I about to discover? Was he involved in some sort of criminal activity?

As we approached the building, he glanced around one last time (or was I imagining that?) and pushed on the bathroom door. “Wait, did you really drag us all the way here just to use the toilet? Why didn’t you just go back to the cathedral?”

He gave me a smirk and said, “just wait out here,” before closing the door behind him. Oh well, did I really have much of a choice? I waited outside with my incredibly jumbled-up thoughts of him for company. Honestly, I did _not_ know what to make of this guy. He seemed to just do what he wanted with no concern whether he got in trouble. I’d definitely not met someone like that before. But how could someone like that also know exactly what to say to everyone at church? He seemed to have the entire parish enraptured by him. Not that I could really blame them, though. That smile could…

…could _what?_ I honestly couldn’t fathom some of the thoughts I had about him. Why I spent so much time thinking about his eyes, his smile. Why I constantly made up theories about who he was. Sure, he was mysterious, but was he really _my_ mystery to solve? Was he any of my business? _Honestly, Yoosung, you’re acting like some dumb kid with a crush!_ Well that was laughable. If this was how I acted with some guy who made me a bit curious, how would I act if I met a girl I could crush on for real? I’d probably be a disaster!

Just when I started to seriously wonder what was taking Luciel so damn long, he came out…looking completely different! His red locks were hidden under a wig of hair as brown and straight as mine! His eyes, instead of their usual fierce gold, were a soft cocoa brown, and uncovered by his huge glasses. He looked so different that if I hadn’t seen him walk into a single-use restroom, I would have guessed it was someone else coming out!

“What…in the world?” He smiled his typical grin, and the fact that his characteristically strange aura shone through his disguise actually managed to calm me down.

“Surprise! I told you I’d show you one of my best-kept secrets!” When I just stood there, gaping at him, he added, “Well? What do you think?”

“I, I don’t even, what’s the secret?”

“Isn’t it obvious, silly? I’m a master of disguise!” His words made sense. I could string them together to understand his sentences in my mind. I just failed to extract any possible meaning from them that could possibly be relevant to, well, anything!

“You…wasted our time…for this?”

“Listen here, Yoosung; art is _never_ a waste!” I groaned and walked off. I was sick of his games. Rika was counting on me to get these tickets sold, and that’s just what I was going to do.

“Wait!” He caught up to me and placed his hand gently on my shoulder, sending a weird tingling running through my body. “Do you…want to know the real secret?” His demeanor had changed, he looked like he’d shrank back into himself a bit. Maybe it was because his hair and eye color weren’t so bright?

Still, he looked almost nervous. Maybe I was finally getting somewhere with him. All my curiosities forced their way back into my mind. Still, I wasn’t going to let him see how eager I was. I folded my arms across my chest and sighed. “Well, go on then.”

He reached up to scratch the back of his neck. “Eh heh heh, well you see, I’m really nervous around strangers. This...it helps. You know, a kind of, ‘they can’t hurt me if they can’t see me’ kind of thing!” He chuckled sheepishly.

I was floored. Luciel, nervous? Those two words didn’t seem like they belonged together in the same sentence! “But, you, you’re one of the most confident people I know!”

“Eh? You shouldn’t make an assumption like that of someone you’ve met twice in your life.” I noted the word “twice.” So he still didn’t remember meeting as kids? Or he wanted me to think he didn’t? 

“Hey, Yoosung, you’ve seen how weird I can be, right? That’s just me, I don’t know, acting out or whatever because I’m so nervous around strangers. I can’t have that if I’m representing our church, right?”

“I…I guess.” It wouldn’t make for great sales if he randomly shoved people into walls, or asked what they’d do if they were torture cases, or kissed them. Wait, where had that last part come from? I’ve never seen him kiss anyone. Oh no, was my weird fixation taking on a new level of messed up? And right when he was finally trying to be real with me! What was wrong with me?

“I…I think I understand.”

* * *

While canvassing with Luciel, I got to see just how much of a charmer he could really be. I began to understand how he had the entire cathedral fawning over him. I ended up letting him do most of the talking, partly because he was more successful in selling tickets than I was, and partly because I was content watching him in fascination. He was so smooth and graceful in all his interactions that I couldn’t believe he was really so nervous he had to hide behind a costume!

I had to admit, the disguise worked for our goals. His brown hair was about my length, but his was smoothed back, with just a bit of fringe stylishly swooping across his forehead. The style allowed me to see that he had nice skin and a sleek jawbone. It also revealed the brightness in his eyes, which shone with a calm allure through the soft light-brown irises. In his sharp clothes and tall, confident swagger, he wore the image of a natural leader or entrepreneur. It was no wonder he had such luck swaying these people.

When we had sold all our tickets, I followed Luciel back toward the park, he insisting we had plenty of time before others started returning to the church. I didn’t even argue with him, so in awe I still was of his performance.

“Oi, you’re staring.”

“Oh, sorry.” My cheeks must have flushed so hard at that point. I didn’t notice; I was too busy scrambling for something to say. “I, um, I didn’t know someone like you could ever be nervous, is all.”

He looked me up and down, and I realized I’d probably said something stupid. “What do you mean, ‘someone like me?’”

“Nothing bad, I swear! More like…you seem bright, and fearless, nothing like me. Oh, forget I said that, um….” I was quickly devolving into a stuttering mess. Why could I not figure out how to talk to this guy?!

“Nothing like you? From what I hear, you’re the perfect good boy!” I typically took the words “good boy” as praise, but something about the way he said it this time felt sharp, as if he was drawing a line between us. “I’d have thought you would be popular!”

I hung my head to avoid his eyes. “Then you don’t know much about the life of a ‘perfect good boy.’ Everyone’s waiting for me to mess up.” I should have stopped there, but words started to tumble out of me before I even realized what I was saying. “Every success is a new standard to top. I have to push myself even harder. But if I keep raising the bar, it’s only a matter of time before I can’t jump over it anymore. And then my family, my teachers, everyone will be disappointed. Well, everyone except my classmates. They’re all waiting for me to screw up. They whisper about the day the ‘king falls from his throne for one of them to take.’”

It came back to me, every time my mother wrung her hangs before grades were posted, every secret glare on other students’ faces as I topped the class again, every time a classmate told me with a big fake smile they’d invite me to join their study group if only they thought they wouldn’t drag me down. Things I pretended not to see and tried no to remember, all swimming in my head. So many faces, half screaming “jump, jump, jump,” the other half screaming “fall, fall, fall!”

I felt something warm envelope me. I opened my eyes, only now realizing I had squeezed them shut. My face brushed the crisp fabric of Luciel’s shirt and the warmth of his chest. Muscular arms were wrapped around my shoulders. His chin rested on top of my head, softly vibrating as he muttered something I could barely hear, “thought _bad_ guys had it rough.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that, though I figured I’d probably misheard him in all my confusion. After all, I was not only being drowned in memories I was supposed to block out, but also…being pulled out of it by this walking puzzle of a guy?

A voice inside me told me I should pull away, that this was not how to behave around someone I just barely knew, but I felt so strangely comfortable in this moment that I pushed it back. Finally, he was the one to pull back, only to look into my eyes with a smile so mischievous it shone through his meticulously arranged good boy disguise.

“You know what you need? Some self-confidence! Not the kind you get from a test score or some praise, the kind that sticks with you when no one else is around!”

“That…is a thing?” I asked him lamely. Of course, logically I knew what self-confidence was; I just didn’t know what that looked or felt like, or even that I might be lacking it.

“Yup! And you know the best way to learn to love yourself?”

“Well…I, uh….” I was used to always having the right answer, but this guy had a habit of asking surprisingly difficult. Ones that sounded like they’d have obvious answers that maybe the rest of the world already knew. My face burned in shame.

“You pretend to be someone else!” He put his hands on his hips and smirked like he’d just given the holy grail of information. I, however, saw no sense whatsoever in his logic, and after a moment of stunned silence, finally managed to tell him so.

“Remember when I told you I’m a master of disguise? I think I should teach you my ways!”

“Y-you mean…you want me…to dress up…like you?” I gestured at his current ensemble.

“Not necessarily _this_ costume. I’ve got tons to choose from!”

“And _how_ is this supposed to help me be more…confident?”

He chuckled before answering. “Well…it’s kind of hard to explain. One of those ‘you gotta experience it for yourself kind of things!’ You’ll just have to trust me on this one!”

“Trust you? I just _met_ you!” It was an instant retort, but it was only half-serious. Sure I didn’t entirely know what to make of this guy, but still….

“But still, you want to trust me, don’t you?” His voice had lowered to a serious tone, and his eyes burned into mine as they waited for an answer. And there was that flicker in them again, like a shadow passing through him. Fear?

I was starting to realize something about Luciel. He had secrets on top of secrets, and he was the most eccentric person I had ever met. But he was not the slightest bit abnormal around strangers, or even around members of the church. He was…perfect. Just like I was with my parents, my teachers, my classmates, everyone…all while hiding a terrified imposter inside. Maybe I had some talent for disguise too? And maybe, just maybe, Luciel was a bit more similar to me than I had thought. He’d caught a glimpse of the imposter in me and was still by my side, and that made me feel…warm. Warm and safe. Could it be that he needed someone to make him feel that way too? Could I really walk away before I found out?

“All right. I’ll trust you.”


	7. What to Remember and What to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luciel and Yoosung lay the foundations of a friendship, despite the unusual boundaries they must contend with. The prospect of friendship with Rika's cousin has Luciel searching through his memories for what connects them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see updated rating, warnings, and tags before reading! I hope those of you following this fic will continue to do so, but I also don't want to trigger or upset anyone and I fully understand if you need to stop reading here! Thank you as always for your support!

**Seven**

I turned around to see a mess of golden waves; presumably Yoosung was somewhere underneath it all? When he finally surfaced (making a rat’s nest of my wig, I might add) he looked up at me with big bright eyes and the biggest grin.

“Look at this one! I look like Rika, don’t you think?” I could tell he felt extremely proud of his presumed resemblance, but it wasn’t a joy I could share in. Because, despite the fact that yes, I _had_ impulse-bought that wig because it reminded me of her, and yes, he’d have her hair down perfectly if he clipped it on right and brushed it out properly, I knew Yoosung could never look like Rika to me. It was those innocent eyes of his, that reflected all the light the world had to offer, that stopped him from looking like Rika. But of course, he couldn’t know that.

All he had seen of Rika was her patronizing smile and her placating eyes, a sweet, alluring expression laced with poison that would choke you if you beheld it for too long. To most people, it would look like the smile of a saint, but liars from birth like myself and Rika know better than that.

He hadn’t seen the faraway look in her eyes when she told ten-year-old me she was going to build a sanctuary for children like myself and my brother. Her eyes looked right through me as she spoke with such fiery passion, and I knew we were just pawns in her game. Oh, well, those who have an ulterior motive are actually the most trustworthy ones. You can predict what they’ll do, and if you have what they want, they’re yours. Rika, I figured out early on, only wanted to feed her delusions of grandeur. What an incredibly easy woman to please. And she had powerful friends. I felt safer staking my brother’s life on her than anyone else.

He hadn’t seen the drunken look in her eyes as she removed her dress for that smartly dressed man. There’d been no light in those eyes to match her satisfied-looking smile. It was so much like a look I’d seen on my mother’s pissed-drunk face that I wanted to run and forget it ever happened. It was what that man placed in Rika’s hand that made me wait until the liaison was over and confront her afterward. That drunken look was still in her eyes as she explained that one of the easiest ways to make money and control others was to use your own body as a weapon. It was still there as she giggled and said she didn’t expect me to understand. Well, I understood perfectly well and told her I would become a weapon too.

Then came another expression Yoosung had never seen in Rika’s eyes: one of rage. She said I should never dare dirty myself like that, yes, that I should let those already tainted protect me. Yes, people like her should cloak themselves in darkness to get strong and protect the innocent. Then those faraway eyes returned as she told me to be a good boy and keep studying computers, that it was my brain, not my body, that would make money for our mission. That sickly-sweet glow of hers was almost back when I nodded my head and smiled a smile just as fake as hers and told her I understood.

But I never said I wouldn’t follow in her footsteps. Within a year, I’d discovered that there were some real perverts out there. And that perversion could be capitalized on. Although I was thankful for the “computer” education I was receiving, because it ensured I always had evidence. Oh yeah, I became a master of blackmail early on. It kept me in control, rather than getting absorbed into some trafficking ring. Oh, Rika was _furious_ when she found out. I’d never seen her eyes like that. That’s right. Yoosung had never seen her eyes so cold either, that harsh, rejecting stare she’d fixed me with that day.

_“I told you to never taint yourself like that. I told you to let me do that for you.”_

_“But I’ve been tainted from birth. If I weren’t, I never would have thought to do it.”_

_“You can’t be forgiven for this.”_

_“That’s fine, if it’s for_ his _sake.”_

Yoosung had never seen Rika’s eyes when they recognized someone as her equal, someone just as filthy as herself. I have seen those eyes. That glint of greed that flashes across them as she decides she will capitalize on my depraved excursions to serve her hero-complex driven mission. I was fine with that. All pretense dropped; we could freely be two filthy beings who were useful to each other. I’d be her demon in the shadows if she could shower my brother with light. He wouldn’t be able to tell how disgusting her smile truly was, so he could truly bask in it. Just like Yoosung.

“Hey! Earth to Luciel! Anyone home?” Oops. I’d been spacing out and leaving the kid hanging.

“Ah man! Take better care of my wigs, damn it!” Changing the subject was better than telling him that his genuinely sweet eyes could never look a thing like Rika’s, or telling him the lie he wanted to hear. I avoid telling outright lies wherever possible. Less messy that way.

I parted the wig properly and started to brush it out. As I did, he squealed with excitement at looking just like Rika. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I let the brush pull the poorly secured wig off his head. It landed in the sink below, wetting the ends of it.

“Ah man, I thought I told you to clip it to your head! Now I’m going to have to hang it to dry!” When he looked at me with those sad, watery eyes, I softened a bit. “Look, why don’t you try to find your own look while you wait for that to dry. How about this?” I pulled out a short, blond wig. “It’s the same color, so you can be similar to her, but still be your own person, you know?”

He hesitantly put the wig on. I tucked his brown hair underneath and put bobby pins in to keep the wig on straight. The look actually suited him well. It was blond, a bit longer than his own hair, and definitely not immaculately smooth like his was. It was a little messy, but so…free. Like it wanted to run to as many places as those starlit eyes could light up. It wasn’t recalcitrant enough to completely overpower the soft boy, but just rebellious enough to capture that part of him dying to be recognized. The part that was sick of the desperate battle to be good enough. The part that just wanted to breathe, to smile, to laugh, without fear of his world crashing down.

He seemed to like it too, because he could not stop staring at himself in the mirror as he ran his fingers through the synthetic locks.

“You like it?”

“It’s…I don’t now…surprisingly interesting on me?”

“Heh. If you like it so much, you should just bleach your hair and stop slicking it down.”

“Oh my god I can’t! I’d be in so much trouble with my parents, and the school….”

“Your school would punish you for something like _that?_ ”

“Uh, yeah? Didn’t you already go to school? Wouldn’t you know?”

“I was…in a special school! A school for geniuses! They didn’t care there!” Luckily, he didn’t question me further; he was too busy trying to keep the bangs on one side out of his eyes. He was pretty cute, furrowing his eyebrows and blowing the hair from his face just to have it settle there again.

“Hold on, I’ve got something that can fix that!” I rummaged through the drawers of random hair stuff until I found what I was looking for: two black clips. I gathered the hair on the offending side until it framed his face while still affording him vision, and secured it in place with the clips in the shape of an X. I turned him around to face the mirror.

“Now that’s a look!” I wasn’t lying. He somehow managed to get even cuter. He seemed to think so too. He kept checking himself out in the mirror with a shy smile. Adorable. “So, you like it, then?”

“I….” Worry crept back into his eyes. Geez, did the kid think liking a damn wig would ruin his perfect reputation? Oh well, maybe it would. _I_ certainly didn’t know a damn thing about the troubles of good boys like him. But still….

“You know, it’s fine if you do. It’s not like you’re dying your hair for the world to see.”

“Right. N-no one will know except us, right?”

“That’s right.” I held out my pinky finger and he took it. I’m not sure if it was his touch or the idea of sharing a secret that sent a jolt of electricity running through me, but I needed to nip that immediately.

“Well, now that you’ve got the look down, let’s practice your confident walk!”

“My what?”

“You know!” I circled the room in full-on catwalk that would have been more impressive only if I were wearing heels. Hmmm, where did those red stilettos go….?

“Oh my gosh! I could never….” He couldn’t even finish his sentence because he was laughing too hard. His laugh was such a sweet melody to my ears; I was almost tempted to sing. Fortunately, I didn’t know anything to sing, well, except church hymns, but I didn’t feel like singing those right now.

“Course you can! You just need con-fi-dence! Come on, I’ll show you!” We spent the next hour catwalking, skipping, even jumping on my bed. I did not want to admit to myself that I was having so much fun with Yoosung Kim. Nope. I was just following Rika’s orders to “keep an eye on him.” And that was easier done if he thought we were friends. That’s all it was. I did not feel freer and more relaxed than I had felt in ages. I did not forget my mission and slip into just having fun with him like a normal teenager. I did not ignore the buzzing of my phone, my handler asking why I had not finished the job that was supposed to be done today.

And my chest _definitely_ did not tighten a little bit when he checked his watch and squeaked that he had to leave, or he would be late for cram school. I did notice, however, how his expression became sullener as he took off the wig and smoothed his own hair into place. Something told me he wasn’t quite ready to be the good boy again.

“Why don’t you keep that wig?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s not like I’ve got a shortage of them!”

“Thanks…it’s just that…I don’t know if I should have something like this….” Geez, how strict _are_ normal parents?

“Alright then, I’ll hold on to it for you. That means you have an excuse to visit me!”

“You mean, that’s okay?”

“Sure. Oh and if you need yet another place to study, I’ve got a library in here.”

“You’re joking!”

“I’m not! Follow me!” I’d never shown anyone the library before because no one came here except my handler, who only cared about one room: the workroom. I actually enjoyed the library; it was a good place to think over particularly difficult work puzzles. I’d lucked out when I bought this place; it came with most of the books and a bunch of other useful things. The previous owner sold the whole lot dirt cheap, wallowing in shame after 2012 doomsday predictions failed. I heard he killed himself not too long after. Shame, really, I’d like to congratulate him on a fantastic bunker. It was built and stocked to weather any disaster, and so easy to equip with my security systems!

Yoosung was fascinated by the library. He ran around the large room like a sugar-rushed child, those bright eyes taking in every bit of it. I didn’t think someone so used to libraries would be so fascinated by yet another one. “Is it really something to get that excited over?”

“Well, yeah, you have this whole place in your house! Not even my family has this much space dedicated to books, and both my parents work for the government! Your parents must be bigshots!” Oh yeah, he probably assumed I lived with my parents like normal kids. “Where are your parents, anyway?”

“Working.” Probably not a lie, well, at least in my father’s case.

“Oh wow, even on a Sunday? They must be dedicated to their jobs.”

“Something like that.” This conversation was definitely getting into uncomfortable territory. Time to take it back to safer territory. “So, does that mean you’ll want to come study here sometime?” Ok, _slightly_ safer territory. As safe having Yoosung Kim, of all people, in my bunker could get. But I had to remind myself, I was just doing my job. It would be fine.

“Definitely! Oh, I mean, if it’s okay with you.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at how he’d added that last bit on, like he was afraid of inconveniencing me after I offered. “Yeah, dude, it’s fine.” Then I adopted my serious voice. “There’s just one rule about being here. You see that room there?” I pointed to the closed workroom door across the hall and he nodded. “That’s my workroom. Don’t ever go in that room, no matter what. Got it?”

“Okay, got it.” He looked a bit nervous at my sudden seriousness, but I needed him to understand it was a serious matter. I could not let him see any of the disgusting secrets I kept locked away in there.

I couldn’t help but ruffle his hair. “Good boy. Now then, best get off to cram school, I don’t want to be responsible for making you late!” It was probably better he leave pretty soon, before-

…before the siren went off. Ugh, that damn handler must have gotten tired of me ignoring his messages, so he put in an official work request. I thought it had been quite clever to hook those notifications up to my alarm system, just in case HQ contacted me when I wasn’t paying attention. I never thought I’d need to explain it to normal kids like Yoosung, who was now clutching my sleeve with a terrified look on his face.

“Wh-what’s going on? Is there like, a fire? Or terrorists? Or-”

“It’s fine; that’s just my reminder to get back to work.” I struggled not to laugh at his incredulous expression. “Look, I’ll go reset it. Wait here, ok?” When I went to the workroom to open the message from my damn handler, the alarm stopped, and I returned to find Yoosung obediently rooted to the spot I’d left him in.

“So, I guess I gotta get to work, so-”

“WHY would you have something like that?”

“Eh, because it sounded fun? Why not?”

“You’re crazy! Don’t your parents get angry at you for having an alarm like that?”

“Not really. Look, I’ve got to get to work, okay? It’s important.” I didn’t want to lose my temper around Yoosung, but he was also starting to ask questions I didn’t have the time or patience to answer. Ugh, this was why I’d never bothered to make friends!

“You mean computer repair? No repair job needs an alarm like that! It sounds like we’re about to have another 6-2-5 war!”

“Okay, now you’re just being dramatic!”

“Luciel.” He looked me in the eyes, his own full of fear. “What are you really doing here?” Damn. I wouldn’t be able to pretend I was a normal kid with him. That was probably a stupid endeavor to begin with. But neither could I tell him why I wasn’t a normal kid. And I’d have to get him to accept that and stop prying. That was the only way our friendship, I mean, my mission, could continue.

I placed my hand on his cheek and held his gaze up to mine, as if I could find somewhere on his face how to get him to understand. In his reddened cheeks and widened eyes, one answer screamed at me, not with words, but whatever it was, it was very convincing. I leaned closer to him, drawn toward his sweet face. If I got closer to him, would I get back the breath I lost sometime in the last minute? I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but maybe he’d have my answers.

I’m not sure where things would have ended up if I hadn’t come to my senses in that moment, and I supposed I had Rika to thank for that, because it was her voice that came to me. _“Your body is a weapon now. Learn to use it well, and you can control anyone.”_ That’s right. My body was a weapon. I couldn’t bring myself to use such a weapon on Yoosung. I’d have to find another way to keep him out of my business. Well, he was the one that thought talking things out was best, right? Time to put that to the test.

I slapped my hand playfully against the wall behind him and used it to rebound myself out of his space. I put my silly demeanor back on and exclaimed, “Oi vey, your questions are tiring me!” He looked surprised and flustered. All right, attention off of…whatever the hell had just happened, check. Time to get down to business.

“Yoosung, I’ll be the first to admit, the way I live is a little…different. And I’ve got a lot of secrets. Secrets I can’t tell anyone. And if you can accept that…I can be your best friend. If you can’t, then it’s best I can disappear from your life right now.” He visibly shook when I threatened to leave his life. I knew he wouldn’t take well to that. He was definitely the type to get attached easily.

“I…don’t know if I can be friends with someone who’s lying to me….” Okay, that hurt way more than it should. For the second time in five minutes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I told myself it was just because I had my order from Rika on the line, but I never got like this, even in life-or-death missions.

“I may refuse to answer certain questions, but I don’t lie when I can avoid it. Less messy that way. I swear, I would only ever lie to you to protect you.”

“Protect me? From what?”

“I dunno, just covering my bases!” It wasn’t entirely a lie. I forced a playful grin. “Every promise has got fine print, and all! Don’t want to get in trouble for not providing it at the time of signing!” For what seemed like an eternity, he stared at me, and I pretended not to be on the edge of my seat while he deliberated my terms.

Finally, a small smile crept onto his face. “Does that mean you weren’t lying when you said you’d be my best friend?” Damn. Out of all the responses I could see him giving, I hadn’t seen _that_ one. But he’d got me. I had no idea how to be someone’s best friend, but as long as he respected my secrets, I had no choice but to try.

“Sure.” I swear he smiled like he just won the lottery. He must _really_ be friendship deprived if he was that happy to be friends with someone like me. But looking at a smile like that, I couldn’t help but smile too.

“Alright, but you need to get to cram school! And I need to work!”

After he left, I finished up that job. It was easy, just as I had known it would be when I decided to procrastinate. My handler calls me irresponsible, but in reality, I don’t take uncalculated risks. When the job was over, I had nothing to distract me from my thoughts, all of which at the moment revolved around…my new “best friend.”

We got along surprisingly well. With him, I could even forget my reality for the briefest of moments. Although forgetting was irresponsible of me. It could get people like Yoosung hurt. And it could get people like _him_ hurt.

I couldn’t forget that my brother was in the care of V and Rika, hidden somewhere so far even I couldn’t find him, let alone our parents. But their success in hiding him depended, in part, on me, my agency income, my part in their safehouse operations. Forgetting my responsibilities could put my job, my status, my life at risk, and with it, his safety and well-being.

And Rika’s grand mission. That’s why I couldn’t see why, now of all times, she wanted me to risk my security like this. I’d already been pushing it by attending church so frequently (also at her request), when I was supposed to have “moved.” It was annoying to feed an entire church a story about where I’d moved on to, a whole web of outright lies to keep track of. And now she wanted me to get close to her cousin? The golden boy with government parents? How could this be good for our mission? And if there was something she needed from Yoosung, couldn’t she get it herself? He practically worshipped her! And what did she want from him anyway? She would never involve him in all this, right? It really bugged me not knowing what Rika was plotting.

At least I’d managed to keep Yoosung under control. He was a good boy, eager to please. Not exactly the best quality to have when dealing with terrible people like myself, but…I’m not going to hurt him. Even though I had almost done something I couldn’t take back earlier. I’d forgotten my place. It wouldn’t happen again. Not to the boy who had reached out to me when I was a raggedy urchin, who remembered and continued to reach for me after all this time, even after I told him I wasn’t that person.

I leaned back in my chair and shut my eyes tight, because for some reason they’d started to sting. “Sorry Yoosung.” I muttered to no one what I’d never be able to tell him. “I told you I’d only lie to you to protect you. And those memories; they’ll hurt you. So you need to forget.” That didn’t mean that a small, private corner of my heart couldn’t be happy he’d remembered me, right?

The alarm went off. A new job, thank God. Finally I could turn my mind off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6-2-5/6.25 War, or just 6-2-5/6.25, is what South Koreans conversationally call the Korean war, after the day it started: June 25, 1950


	8. Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two teens become fast friends, and Luciel helps Yoosung take his first steps into the social world of high school. Together they take on the misadventures of normal adolescent life!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it got so dark last chapter! Here's some high school bestie fluff to make up for it! :D

**Yoosung**

Ever since that day, Luciel became an indispensable part of my life. I went to his house whenever I could, which admittedly wasn’t very often, between the insane amount of studying that was required of me now that I was in high school, and what I discovered were his all-consuming work hours. I started to cherish the few occasions I could come over, though. I never knew what kind of adventure awaited me there. One time, he introduced me to the magic of video games. I’m really glad I don’t play games anywhere else but his house, because I could easily see myself getting addicted! Another time, we played with a robot cat that he built. He builds robots! Except we lost control of it and had to chase it around the house. He decided after that to build a remote emergency off switch.

On those visits, we usually ended up in some weird costumes. One time, we spent the entire day wearing fairy wings. Another time, he dressed up as a maid. I couldn’t stop staring at him. I didn’t mean anything weird by it; it’s just that he made such a pretty girl! I’m way too nervous to fully cross-dress, so I usually just stuck to that blonde wig that I came to like and whatever animal ears or silly glasses he decided to put on me. I also got well acquainted with his favorite snack, Honey Buddha Chips. I don’t think l I’d ever seen him eat anything else! I’d only had them once before, with him, but I didn’t mention that. I got the sense that whatever happened four years ago was one of those things that would make him leave if it were brought up. I wasn’t sure why, but that was okay. We could start over.

I knew not to question him about his work. Sometimes he would get a text, and his playful smile would disappear, leaving the entire room colder. Sometimes, he’d let me stay, saying it would be short. I’d take that opportunity to catch up on studying in his library. Although even that could be a distraction. He had so many interesting books! A lot of them were about computers and robotics and other technical things I barely understood, but he also had a lot of stuff like “How to Survive in the Wilderness,” or “The Friends You Want When Society Collapses.” I wondered if he was one of those people who thought society would fall apart and revert us to hunter-gatherers. I wasn’t, and I was glad for that! I’m smart, but I don’t have those kind of survival skills. Also I’m weak! I’d never survive!

Anyway, when the alarm went off, I knew it was time to go. I didn’t ask questions anymore. Once I had asked if he would be safe doing his work. He’d just given me a big grin and patted me on the head and said not to worry about silly things like that in his playful singsong voice. I don’t know why I’d asked; I just get a bad feeling about his work sometimes, though maybe it’s just that stupid alarm!

Those visits, those wild, carefree visits, sadly didn’t happen often. But texting with Luciel became a part of my daily life. He seemed like the type of person I could tell anything to. Maybe it was because he asked me things like “do stars have feelings,” or “is human nature good or evil,” you know, the things no one really talks about. The only person I’d ever been able to share all my thoughts with had been Rika, and even she had eventually wanted me to grow up and stop saying childish things. Ever since then, I didn’t notice how lonely I’d become. Until I realized I didn’t feel that way anymore.

Still, I was afraid I’d trouble Luciel too much. He was quite busy, after all. It took me a while to get up the courage to ask him if that was the case. Right away he’d texted back.

_“THAT’S why you’ve been so quiet lately??? I thought you didn’t like me anymore!!! T_T”_

_“I’m sorry!!!”_

_“Dude. Your texts bring light into my boring workday. So don’t leave me!!!”_

His dramatics aside, after that, I knew he wouldn’t be bothered by my texts anymore. So I started texting him. A lot. We’d share silly articles we found online, or he’d vent about what a douche his boss was, or I’d whine about how much homework I had. Even when I was up past midnight studying, he was usually up late working, and we’d send each other memes to stay motivated. I’d never talked so much with anyone, not even Rika.

At one point, after all the time we’d spent talking to each other, I realized he’d made good on his promise. He’d become my best friend. I wasn’t sure I’d ever really had friends before. I’ve had classmates, acquaintances, competitors. But friends? Well, if Luciel was a friend, then probably not, because I’d never had anyone in my life like Luciel.

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t start making friends. I noticed that, after a while, I became more comfortable talking to people. I hadn’t realized it before, but as the top student in my class, people paid attention when I spoke up, which made it easier. I started to make small talk with my classmates. It wasn’t as free as talking with Luciel was, but the smiles I got from them were rewarding, nonetheless.

One day, after telling someone about the charity work I did with Rika, they suggested I run for student council the next year. I’d get to do good things for my school, and it would look good on a college application. But still I wasn’t sure if I could handle that kind of responsibility. I mean, student council was for confident people, people who weren’t afraid to take charge. That certainly wasn’t me. So of course I ended up texting Luciel about it.

_“Why wouldn’t you?”_ He’d asked immediately, like he thought it was obvious I should do it. Well, he always made decisions at the drop of a hat, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Honestly, if he were a little more…well…normal, _he’d_ be a good fit for student council! He could be a confident leader when he wanted to be; I had seen that.

_“I’m too quiet and timid! Student council is for confident people!”_

_“Huh. I thought student council was for those do-gooder types who want to make things better. You’re definitely one of those!”_

_“Ha-ha.”_

_“I’m serious! I think you’d be good at it! Even if you’re scared at first, you’ll get over it!”_

_“How can you be so sure?”_

I was bombarded by a slew of texts after that, all starting with “remember when” or “remember that time…” The time I’d been afraid to try his virtual reality roller coaster and ended up wanting to go again. The time I’d been afraid to get in his new sports car when he first got his driver’s license, only to find out he was actually a decent driver. The time I’d been afraid to try on a stupid wig and now wore it almost every time I came over.

_“And of course there’s the time you used to be so scared of me you tried to attack me with a poker!!! And look how that turned out! ;-)"_

_“To be fair, you’re crazy. You’d scare anyone you first meet!”_

_“Ouch my HEART dude!!!”_ I didn’t even bother responding, because I knew he was just being dramatic, and that he would get back on topic before I could respond, which he did.

_“Anyway, my point is that you’ve become a lot more confident than you give yourself credit for. I mean, would you even consider this if you hadn’t?”_ He had a point. A year ago I never would have considered something like this. I would have opted to stick with volunteer events, where I could follow orders and keep my head down, and still feel good about doing something. But lately, have I started to want more? Have I started to believe maybe, just maybe; I could do more? I pondered this for a good while, until my phone buzzed again. _“You know I’m right, don’t you?”_

_“I’m filling out my application now.”_

* * *

The second half of my first year of high school was the busiest time of my life up to that point. I was still keeping up with my studies and cram school sessions, while running for student council. I sought the secretary position, where I could simply follow the orders of the president. Besides, I was really good at organizing files and notes, and making schedules and routines and stuff. That’s honestly how I kept my grades so high: rigid control. On top my school workload, Rika and Jihyun were almost ready to open their charity group, Rika’s Fundraising Association, and of course I was helping them in every space moment I had. This was my cousin’s dream, after all! They had an office suite in a fancy high-rise building uptown for their operations, and it had to be ready to go by springtime, when the fiscal year started.

With all that going on, I barely found time to text Luciel. I was worried he’d be mad, but he said he was busy too; he had a client that needed a bunch of computer systems set up by the spring. He griped about his workload and made me promise to come over and take a well-earned break with him when we met our deadlines.

The break was well-earned, indeed, because on the last day of school, I found out I would be the student council secretary the following year! When my classmates saw the election results, a lot of them came up to congratulate me. A few even came from other classes! One was my opponent, who shook my hand and wished me well. The other introduced himself as Lin Chin-Hwa, who would serve on next year’s student council with me as the treasurer. I was a bit nervous talking to all those people, but as I smiled and told them how I looked forward to next year, I realized it was true. I was, for the first time, genuinely thrilled to find out what possibilities were out there for me. After all, I hadn’t realized this was possible; what else was I unaware of?

As I prepared to leave school for the last time in my first year, I wondered how Luciel would react to the news. Probably something like, “well, duh, I told you! How could I ever be wrong?” Honestly, the guy could be such a know-it-all! But he’d believed in me when even I hadn’t. I couldn’t wait to text him!

But before I could, my attention was hijacked by an envelope falling out of my locker. That was weird; I didn’t put that there. School announcement, maybe? But there was no writing or school logo on the envelope. Curious, I opened it. It was a folded sheet of pink notebook paper, with a brief message:

_Yoosung Kim,_

_Please meet me behind the basketball court before you go home today. I’ll be waiting._

It wasn’t signed, so I had no clue who it was from. And why would they want to meet behind the basketball court? I had nothing to do with sports. And that was at the edge of the school, too! Oh well, I’d better get a move on, or I’d keep them waiting! I’d already stayed late to introduce myself to the upperclassmen I’d be working with on the student council next year, too!

As I rushed to my destination, though, I realized how fishy it was to meet a stranger at the edge of campus after school had closed. Wasn’t this how people got beat up? Or kidnapped? Maybe I shouldn’t go? But maybe it really was a harmless school thing? Wouldn’t I upset someone? I couldn’t do that when my term on the student council hadn’t even started yet! I decided to compromise. I’d go, but I’d tell someone where I was going, just in case. I pulled out my phone to text Luciel.

_“Dude, if I don’t text you back in 30 minutes, call the cops. Tell them I was meeting someone behind the basketball court at my school.”_

His response came immediately. _“What the hell?”_ I took a picture of the letter and sent it to him.

_“LOL!”_ Not exactly the response I was going for here. I knew he had a hard time taking things seriously, but geez!

_“Look, just promise, okay? Please!”_

_“Haha okay I promise. Let me know how it goes! ;-)_ _”_

Geez, this guy may be my best friend, but that does not mean I understand him. Oh well, I didn’t have time to think about that, because I was at my destination. I skirted the building holding the basketball courts and came upon a narrow pathway between the building and the tall brick wall surrounding the school, empty save for a vending machine outside the gymnasium’s back door. Any minute I expected a group of guys to run up from behind me, or out of the gym, to beat me up, or worse….

But the one who approached me, from behind the vending machine, was a girl from my class, Kyon Byeol. She was a prefect, and I think she held the third rank in our class. She was quite popular; she always had people talking to her in between classes. But we didn’t really talk much. I wonder what she could want with me. Had I managed to get in trouble with the Disciplinary Committee somehow?

“Ah, Kyon. Were…were you the one who sent this?” I held up the letter nervously.

“Um, yes. I…hope it wasn’t too much trouble to come out here?” Her voice was much quieter than her normal, peppy tone. And her cheeks were red. I wasn’t sure what to make of the situation, but at least it didn’t seem like I was about to get beat up.

“Um, no, no trouble at all! What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

She tilted her head sideways at me before looking down and speaking in her uncharacteristically low voice. “Well, the thing is, I…I’ve had my eyes on you for a while, and I…I really like you! S-so…would you go out with me?”

I did not know what I was expecting when I met her here, but I surely wasn’t expecting _that!_ I mean, she was nice and all, but we’d hardly spoke! How could she like me when she didn’t even know me? Was I supposed to like her without knowing her? Was that how these things worked? I knew nothing about these things! I mean, sure, I’d thought about having a girlfriend someday, but that was far away! When I’d grown up and become a successful adult and I could take good care of a woman! What could I possibly do for this girl, now, when I wasn’t even sure I could handle being Student Council Secretary?

Besides, I didn’t have time for that kind of thing right now. I was so busy with school and preparing for student council and helping with RFA. I haven’t really had a real conversation with anyone, not even my best friend, in months. That was the thought that cleared my mind from the panicked chaos within. If I didn’t even have time to talk to my best friend, there was no way I could make a girlfriend happy right now.

“Um, th-thank you, Kyon; I’m really flattered. I really, really am! Um….”

She looked down at her feet. “But…?” She knew it was coming. May as well get myself together and get this over with so she could move on, too.

“But I don’t think I have time for a girlfriend right now. I mean, I’m always studying or doing charity work, and next year I’ll have student council too.” Was it just me or did that sound douchey? “I mean, you’re really kind to notice me event though I’m kind of quiet, and I really appreciate it…” Damn it, now I was getting sidetracked! “Uh, what I mean to say is, y-you deserve someone who can make lots of time for you, and, um, I think I’d just make you lonely…so, so…um, I’m sorry!” I gave her a deep bow, and when I looked back up, she was smiling.

“That was the sweetest rejection I think I could have ever received. Thank you!”

“Ah, um, you’re welcome?”

“Well, I’ll get out of your way now. Make sure you grow up into a man who has lots of time for someone someday, okay?” She waved and skipped off, leaving me stunned and trying to figure out what happened. I walked home in a daze, barely noticing my surroundings until my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my pocket. Oh no! A text from Luciel! I’d forgotten to tell him not to call the cops! Checking the time, I realized it had been about 30 minutes since I last spoke to him. I frantically opened the text message.

_“Was she cute? ;-)_ _”_ What the hell? How had he known? He couldn’t have known! He doesn’t go here! He doesn’t know her! Unless maybe he met her at some church, too? For some reason, that thought made me angry. Just how many people from my life did he secretly know? Did he just know everything that was happening in my life and just laugh about it?

_“How did you know it was a girl?!”_

_“Ah, sweet, innocent Yoosung! Allow me to educate you!”_ In a moment, he’d sent me a link to a Metube video entitled, “The Art of the High School Love Letter.” What the hell? So what Kyon Byeol had done was _normal?_ Wait, this was a video from Luciel; I couldn’t immediately take it as normal. I’d have to do some research.

* * *

I ended up in Luciel’s library later that day, spending my first day free of school-related studies researching love letters. None of my “research materials” were anything I’d use in an academic paper though, blog articles, Metube videos, and the like. But apparently, this was how teenagers communicated knowledge of their world to each other. No wonder I had no clue how to communicate with them. Damn, my recluse of a best friend knew more about this stuff than I did. Maybe being an internet junkie helped him find this stuff.

After I gave up on understanding this strange language of teenagers, Luciel came skipping into the room to announce he was done with work and beg me to watch some drama with him. He said it would help me with my “research.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ve figured it all out.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Oh, and what did you conclude?”

“That I’ll never understand people.”

He dragged me out of the library and to the couch in the living room. “Ah come on,” he practically sang as he whisked me away, “You just need a break! If you don’t want to watch tv, then come play Mario Kart with me!” After I let him push me down onto the couch, he started setting up the controllers. Maybe he was right. Maybe I just needed a break to do something simple like racing a virtual car around a track. I was fully ready to forget everything else when he paused and reminded me; “You know, you never answered my question earlier.”

“What question?”

“Was she cute?”

I groaned. Why did I have to think about something so awkward right now? He grinned, and I knew I’d have to come up with something to say. What did Kyon look like again? I had been so focused on what was happening that I didn’t really pay attention to her looks. Actually, I don’t think I ever took a good look at her. Why would I? We barely talked. But she wasn’t _ugly._ “She just looked…normal, I guess?”

“What do you mean, you guess?”

“I mean, I’ve never thought about that before…how do you know if a girl is cute or not?”

He stared at me in disbelief. “Geez, kid, you might live more under a rock than I do!” When all I did was roll my eyes, tried again. “Okay, what did she look like?”

I thought for a moment. “Well, she had long brown hair. She had, like, these ribbons on in it on either side. Oh, she had bangs. It was kind of hard to see her eyes.” He just stared at me when I finished. “What?”

“Dude, is that really all?”

“Um, she was shorter than me?”

“Good god, Yoosung! Is that really all you notice about a girl who confessed her love to you? You can’t find anything special to say about her? Like, how she bats her cute eyelashes? Or the way her voice perks up when you talk to her?”

“I told you already; I don’t know her!!! I don’t know any of the girls at school! To be honest, they all kind of look the same to me!” Luciel stared at me, eyes wide and mouth open in a look of exaggerated shock. God, he was so full of it! I already felt like an ass for turning Kyon down; I didn’t need more guilt! But instead of scolding me more, he narrowed his eyes and curled his lips into a hint of one of his “I’m up to no good” smiles.

“Girls all look the same to you, huh? Hmmm…maybe you’re just not into girls?”

“Wh-what’s that supposed to mean?”

He scooted closer to me, startling me, and clapped his hand on my shoulder. His golden eyes locked on mine and his evil grin came to full fruition. His face was way too close. I could feel his breath heating up my face. “Does Yoosung Kim is gay?”

I shoved him off of me with a groan. Why the hell would he say something like _that?_ “Geez, just because I have more important things on my mind right now than girls, doesn’t mean I’m gay!”

“If you’ve never thought about it, how would you know? Maybe you could be!” Ugh, that singsong voice of his. Well…if he wanted to play around, maybe I could beat him at his own game?

“Sure, Luciel. Maybe I’m gay for you,” I said in as deadpan of a voice as I could manage.

“Oh! Are you confessing to me?!?! Oh Yoosung, my heart is skipping beats!” He hugged himself dramatically, collapsing onto the couch with his head in my lap, big stupid grin on his face. God, why did I think I could beat him at his dumb jokes? Still, I couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous he was being.

He sat up, still laughing softly, and put his arm around me. “There’s that genuine smile on your face! Glad to see you’ve finally relaxed!” He returned to setting up the controllers. “Now you’re all set to lose at Mario Kart!”

As he passed me my controller, I marveled at how he had, indeed, gotten me to relax, with his ridiculous antics. How did he always do that? I decided I want to be able to laugh like this with my future girlfriend someday. And I didn’t think I’d be able to that with Kyon.

“You’re on! Only a few rounds though, I have an early day tomorrow!”

He froze. “RFA?”

“Yeah. It’s the office grand opening! I get to meet the other members!” He still sat frozen, staring at his controller. Did something I said make him uncomfortable? What about my cousin’s fundraising association could make him uncomfortable though?

Just when I was about to ask if he was okay, he snapped upright with his dorky grin back. “Fair; I have an early day of work too! So best two out of three?”

* * *

The next day, Rika and Jiyhun picked me up bright and early to help with the preparations for the RFA inauguration party. In addition to finishing the general office prep, we put up party decorations and brought over the snacks, most of them handmade by Rika the night before. Seeing all the work she had put into them, I felt bad for slacking off with Luciel the night before. I apologized for not being there to help, but she laughed and told me I should enjoy my first evening off of school.

Rika’s laugh was infectious. Her smile lit up the entire room. She’d been working hard for years to start this organization, and she deserved every bit of joy she was feeling today at seeing her dream come to life. I swore to myself I would give this organization my all, if only I could keep that joyous smile on my cousin’s face forever.

We finished setting up just in time for the first staff members’ arrival, a sharply-dressed man with raven-black hair sweeping elegantly around his face and strong, stone gray eyes, and an equally sharply-dressed, short haired woman, with amber eyes that seemed to calculate everything around her. Jihyun introduced me to his childhood friend Jumin Han, a brilliant corporate heir, and his assistant, Jaehee Kang. Rika put her arms around me and told them proudly that I was the cousin who had been so graciously helping with the formation of RFA. I blushed profusely; I really hadn’t done much, just some grunt work.

“Ah, so _you’re_ the cousin we’ve heard so much about. You’re a high school student, yes?”

“Ah, yes sir!”

“Please, call me Jumin; we will be teammates in the RFA, after all, and such formalities would get tiring.”

“Oh, okay, J-Jumin.”

He gave me a slight smile. “That’s better. Keep in mind, when you’ve completed your education, that my company, C&R, loves to employ hardworking young men such as yourself.” He patted my shoulder and walked over to Jihyun. His assistant lingered a moment, eying me up and down, before smiling and retrieving a business card from her pocket to offer me.

“That’s Mr. Han’s direct line. If you are ever interested in an internship with C&R, please don’t hesitate to reach out.”

“Oh, thank you, Ms. Kang!”

“Jaehee. As Mr. Han said, we will be working together in RFA. Such formalities are not appropriate.” She smiled and followed her boss.

Not long after, another person entered the office, an incredibly tall and muscular-looking man in a white coat, with silver hair in ponytail that flowed around him. He appeared to shine with his entire being. Was he a model or something? Rika welcomed him and started introducing him to everyone as Zen, a musical actor that she was a huge fan of. When she introduced him to me, he pulled me into a hug, throwing me off guard. I wasn’t used to strangers being that…forward with me. Except Luciel. He’d always been like that. Maybe that’s just how this guy was, too.

I wondered if Luciel was doing all right. He said he had a work thing today. I hoped he didn’t have to work too hard while I was at a party! But I didn’t have much time to think about that, because I saw Rika worriedly whispering to Jihyun, who was trying to calm her down. “It’s all right, honey, he’ll be here. You know he’d never miss something so important to you!” Before I could ask Rika what was wrong, the bells on the door jingled, and Jihyun chuckled. “Speaking of which, here’s our last member right now!”

I followed his gaze to the door…and froze. The person in the doorway, the last member, was not a stranger like the others I’d met today. He was someone I knew quite well. He’d put on a nice white button-up on over his jeans, and it looked like he’d attempted to pull the bright red hair out of his face, to little avail. But his golden eyes flooded the room from under his giant striped spectacles. They settled on each member of the room in greeting before settling on me. He gave me a sheepish smile.

“L-Luciel?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working on how to depict text conversations in writing. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!
> 
> Also, sorry, it's going to get dark again....


	9. Welcome to the RFA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung and Luciel join Rika's new charity group RFA, but only one of them know how dangerous the new members really are. In a world where close friends are collateral damage, Luciel must add "protect best friend from a distance" to his incredibly long list of secret tasks to keep his nefarious new colleagues at bay. 
> 
> TW: Brief reference to Seven's past, as discussed in Chapter 7

** Seven **

Admittedly, it was illogical not to tell Yoosung I was involved in RFA. It’s not like keeping it a secret would change anything. But it did allow me to ignore the fact that my pure-hearted best friend was entering a den of wolves in sheep’s clothing. He didn’t know, of course, but I did. Their background checks occupied my mind as we convened in a circle to introduce ourselves like grade school kids.

“Thank you all for being here today. My name is Rika, and this is my fiancé, V. Today, we welcome the best society has to offer to share in our lifelong dreams.” I tuned out the rest of her speech since it was mostly a performance for the newcomers, albeit a good one. Her speeches were something; they convinced the world she was an angel. Hell, she might very well have been. At least for myself and my brother. Fallen, but an angel, nonetheless.

A cold and calculating angel, nurtured in the love bed of Evangelical Catholicism and the state-capital complex. She’d been ill-received as a child, since her adoption revealed her parents’ “sin” of infertility, but that never stopped her. By the time she got engaged to V at 16, she had the reputation of a saint, thanks mostly to the insane amount of dirt she’d collected on pretty much everyone in the church. I’d had the pleasure of looking through it all when I digitized her files. Jesus would flip so many tables if he set foot there. But hey, the folly of man is the weapon of the wise!

Her subjugation of the rich and powerful didn’t stop with that church, nor did my role in organizing the intel. Starting with her loyal servant V. That man literally had no will apart from hers. Much to his “father’s” chagrin, which was to be expected from the man who’d orchestrated a house fire to get rid of his defiant wife and son. Brilliant plan, really. Kill the wife and replace the child with an amnesiac doppelganger to mold into the perfect heir. Only whatever the man was filling V with left him still an empty vessel till he met Rika. Ah, the human heart is a demanding thing, even for someone with no soul! Hell, looking at V, maybe even more so.

But, even more useful about V than his subservience to my benefactress was his sale to Mr. Kim, one that led me to a certain agency. Once I flooded said agency’s every screen with cat maids demanding they hire me to fix their lackluster security system, the rest was history. History that allowed me to fund V and Rika’s side “project.” They got to play hero, my brother was finally safe, and I could keep our world spinning from my dark, disgusting corners of the internet. Win-win-win.

Next to speak was the pretty boy. “Hi all, I’m Hyun, AKA the amazing actor Zen! Pease don’t let my fame and beauty intimidate you, for I promise I’m but a gentle beast!” Hyun Ryu. Hardly needed a background check for him. He’d once been “Ryuchi,” a boy who taught me to use my body well. Maybe a little too well. Ryuchi would’ve loved to either eliminate or absorb me long ago, but my intel services were in such high demand that the one who took me off the market would hang and Ryuchi knew it. Thus, our competition continued until he “went straight.” Or so the world thought. No. He just joined the gang’s above ground ranks.

Contrary to popular belief, most high-level gang operations take place in plain sight. Like Zen’s “sponsorships” from rich old ladies. And, attracting bored do-gooder housewives, RFA parties would be a fertile hunting ground. He was lucky he was pretty, because he wasn’t smart enough to get above ground any other way. When he was done talking, he gave a smile around the room, briefly settling on me with a twisted smile of recognition, which I returned. Nothing to fear. It was the streets all over again. He couldn’t touch me here.

The next to introduce himself was Jumin Han, the corporate heir. He gave a diplomatic speech about his duty to use his high status in society for good. Yeah right. That man was as dirty as they come. First off, he’d grown up close enough to Jihyun Kim to know V was a fake. But did he care? Not enough to call it out. Probably had something to do with C&R’s lucrative deal with Mr. Kim’s art business. Six years since the fire, and Jumin Han still had his late friend’s father under his thumb. I suppose it’s a form of justice to the deceased, even if motivated purely by greed.

What wasn’t so just was where Jumin’s company’s money was going. Fine, embezzlement and tax evasion are nothing unfamiliar to corporate tycoons. But the missing money never showed up in his personal accounts, even with his unusually large pet store purchases. It’d taken a while to trace, but I’d found it, invested in highly profitable, highly illegal, and highly unethical ventures. The profits of which went to C&R’s business partners, which explained how bought them for such officially low prices, earning his “whiz kid” reputation. Needless to say, if the travels of Jumin’s funds became widely known, he’d be done. As an “anonymous” hacker made him aware of. Shortly after, C&R came under the protection of RFA’s ironclad cybersecurity. In an “unrelated” incident, the former CFO of C&R was killed in a car crash. Apparently, guy was trashed. Strange really, since he was reputed to never drink.

After Jumin was his assistant Jaehee Kang. Now, she was a whole different kind of beast because her record, even the parts only I could access, was _technically_ spotless. She was an orphan who, through a few wise investments of her parents’ life insurance money, paid her way through college and graduated early. Not even a year out, she’d become Chief Assistant to one of the most powerful businessmen in Asia. She was too smart to be his slave, though, according to her search history. She’d been digging heavily into C&R’s financial records, enough to find some discrepancies she’ll only resolve with what I can find. She’s also explored C&R’s competition thoroughly, from their finances to their CEOs’ family composition. This was a woman looking for dirt, and when she found it, she’d be prepared to either blackmail or sell out C&R, depending on the highest bidder. That was the kind of beast Jaehee Kang was: patient, calculating, and loyal only to the highest bidder. Smartest kind of beast, and either the best or worst kind, depending on who the highest bidder is. Rika’s somewhat apprehensive, but a mercenary type is nothing I can’t handle.

We’d almost finished going around the circle. Yoosung sat between Jaehee and myself, and to my other side sat V and Rika. I was surprised Yoosung hadn’t clung to Rika’s side, sitting beside me despite probably being upset. I should have talked to him. I didn’t want him acting too close with me in this shark tank. Close friends became collateral damage in these crowds. Not that I could tell him his cousin’s club embraced such crowds. Hence my dilemma.

“H-hi. I’m Yoosung Kim. I’m a second year in high school and student council secretary. I’ve been doing community service since I was eleven years old, and I hope to one day be as successful as all of you and continue to follow in Rika’s footsteps. Thank you for accepting me; I promise to work hard!” He stood and gave a deep bow, nearly slamming his forehead on the table in the process. The others clapped and I joined in. He glanced at me, and I gave him a reassuring smile. I knew he was nervous, but he’d honestly done well. And he’d been adorable.

Looking away, I caught Ryuchi’s eye, who glanced at Yoosung and back to me with a knowing glint in his eyes. Crap. _Don’t give anything away!_ I gave him a bored questioning look before lazily turning to Rika as she spoke. “That was certainly a passionate speech, Yoosung. I am proud to call you my family, and I know you’ll do wonders here.” Then she turned to me. “And I do believe we have one last introduction to make.”

I’d already planned my performance. Slight shoulder hunch to show submission. Hand drawn to the back of my neck. A show of humility. Things would go much smoother if I wasn’t seen as a threat, at least not yet. “Hi, my name is Luciel. I’ll be handling IT and cybersecurity for our organization.” Bright, chipper voice, eager to please. “Thank you, Rika and V, for allowing me to pay the kindness you’ve shown me forward through RFA.” No harm in dropping my relation to those two to ensure a healthy degree of respect.

Rika thanked me for the hard work I’d done over the past year to get their systems online. Yoosung stole a sideways glance at me, which I refused to meet. Luckily, Rika gave no one time to dwell, asking me to show everyone the messenger app I’d created for us. I showed them the chatroom, the text, call, and email functions, even a social media platform. The last feature may have been unnecessary in a private app, but hey, I was having fun! Besides, I couldn’t be the only one who had fun posting edgy SNS statuses, right?

Jumin Han asked if he could be sure our data was safe against outside intrusion. Tch. Of course he’d ask, given the number I’d done on his systems. After describing some of the security features, I assured him, “this app’s got the best protection on the market, which I freely give.” At that, the businessman gave me a bow which didn’t completely conceal the sideways glance he gave his assistant. I chuckled internally as she met his gaze and took furious notes. _Good luck stealing my product!_ The messenger app could not be screenshot, and if it were photographed by another device, a watermark rendered the picture illegibly pixelated. And no one could get through my coding to do anything about it! I’d designed the app to make data extraction impossible (to protect my identity) but an added bonus was that no one could replicate my app for their filthy profit.

“Any other questions?” Yoosung’s hand shot up. He’d been excited about the app. Maybe even enough to forget he was among distinguished strangers. Good for him; he should lett the world see that natural golden glow of his more often. Except as soon as I called on him, he seemed to regret raising his hand. “Actually, never mind, it’s silly.”

“Yoosung Kim, don’t you know silly questions are the best kind? How would we have this organization if someone didn’t ask the silly question of whether it was conceivable?” I gave him a playful smile laced with confidence. Not the dominant kind, can’t have these guys thinking I’m uppity. Nope, just the confidence of an eccentric nerd lost in his own world. But luckily it was the kind of smile Yoosung was used to. Because in the past year, I’d stopped having to fake that kind of smile for him.

“Alright then: why is your username ‘707?’ This isn’t a video game, you know?” As others started to chuckle, I joined them. _Good move, Yoosung. Lighten these stiffs up, would you? Makes it easier to catch their slips._ Also…I could spare space in my twisted, scheming brain to want Yoosung to relax and laugh more, right?

“An EXCELLENT question, dear colleague!” Slight change of plans. I’d be less “recluse” and more “clown” for this mission. I had the opening, after all. Besides, this bunch needed to loosen up. And the clown was simply more fun to act. “Since we’ve got a cool elite organization with a secret app and everything, why _not_ give ourselves super cool nicknames? Mine is Agent 707, Defender of Justice! But you can just call me Seven!” Really, I just didn’t want these people calling my name. Of course, even that was only an alias, but whatever. Call it a tick of mine. Besides, nothing said “screw you” to the agency quite like dropping my codename among civilians, even if there _was_ no way to spread it! “Eh heh heh; looks like I got carried away with my jokes. Sorry about that. You really can just use your name on the profile, but I think I’m going to keep 707. It’s fun!”

“Well, then, if it’s all the same, I’ll just use my name,” said the corporate heir.

“I will as well. I’m far too busy to come up with nicknames, no matter how…fun they might be.” The heir’s right hand gave a slight smile as she said it. Maybe I was getting somewhere?

“Can I go by my stage name? Not just in the chatroom, but when we talk to each other, too? ‘Zen’ is more normal to me than my own name now, haha!” I bet he’d like to escape his name. Won’t do him much good now that he’s “above-ground.”

“If you call me Seven, I’ll call you Zen. Deal?” The mobster turned musical actor narrowed his pretty eyes at me and affirmed our deal. Shortly after, the business talks died down and we sauntered around the room eating and making small talk. I avoided Yoosung’s eyes every time they tried to meet mine. Luckily, between following his cousin and enduring C&R’s recruitment campaign, he had little opportunity to try. But Zen did. I was wondering when he’d make his move.

“Well, well, _Seven_ , you seem to be doing rather well for yourself.” He placed extra emphasis on my new name.

“Not as well as you are, _Zen_ , but definitely well enough. We’ve both come a long way, haven’t we?” Equal emphasis on the new name.

“Yes. Almost far enough to forget where we came from, right?” His meaning wasn’t lost on me. Almost, but not quite. Not that he could do anything to me without it coming back tenfold. 

“Almost, yeah.”

He turned his blood red eyes in Yoosung’s direction. “Cute kid, isn’t he?” Damn it. He was like a dog smelling Yoosung’s scent on me. And looking to make it my poison.

I eyed Yoosung with a show of casual scrutiny. “Looks a little straight for my tastes, but a cutie for sure. Why, you interested?” I hated talking about him like that, but if I was going to protect him, I’d have to throw Zen off his scent. Ugh, I knew Yoosung being here would be problematic!

“Me? Nah! Besides, I daresay he likes _you_!” Like I’d let _that_ happen.

“Who knows? A lot of curious kids do. But I’m not about to catch that hell from Rika, know what I mean?” I looked in her direction with a playful shudder, but my point was real, and hopefully enough to protect Yoosung.

Zen chuckled. “Yeah, can’t shit where you sleep, right?” Then he stopped laughing and narrowed his eyes at me again. “But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have the leader’s kid in my pocket.” _Over my dead body._ Crap.

I gave a low whistle. “Sounds like a dangerous game you’re playing, mate.” _Don’t sound invested. Just entertained._

“Where’s the fun in a safe game? Come on, play with me! For old times’ sake!” He lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper. “Or are you afraid?”

He thought he’d laid a trap, but really, he’d given me a way to watch over Yoosung. I couldn’t tell everyone he was my best friend, but I could let them think he was a contest trophy. It sucked, but that was the language these people spoke. Speaking it kept him safe.

“I always did like my games on the dangerous side.” No sooner had I agreed to play than Rika appeared, asking if I could drive her darling cousin to his spring enrichment class or whatever.

“I can be late! It’d be wrong not to help clean up!”

“Nonsense, Yoosung! You’ll have your whole life to help with RFA, but only one shot at high school!” She gave him a wink that melted his will. _Ugh, you do that on purpose, don’t you, Rika?_ As he reluctantly shuffled out with me, I turned back to give Zen a smirk. _Looks like I win this round, pretty boy._

* * *

As soon as we’d gotten in the car, Yoosung started his interrogation. “Luciel, why didn’t you tell me?”

“That I’m a genius app developer? Um, to protect my trade secrets?” I don’t even know why I bothered with the halfhearted attempt at a joke. It certainly didn’t help my case any.

“You _know_ what I mean!” He started pointedly, but his voice slipped into an involuntary whine, while I wished for the one millionth time for his mannerisms to stop melting my damn heart. “Why didn’t you tell me you were in RFA?”

I sighed, glad to have the road to focus on, because I still didn’t know exactly how to have this talk with Yoosung. “I...I wanted to, but, every time, I got so nervous.” Not exactly a lie.

“Why?”

“Well…I know how excited you were about it. And…you know how I am around strangers. I…didn’t want you to worry about me messing things up.” Okay, if I stretched that _very_ far, it wasn’t a lie. I didn’t want him to worry I’d mess up his safety.

“You…thought I’d be embarrassed because of you?”

_I mean, if you ever found out who I really am, yeah._ “I guess.”

He was dead silent for a time. Then: “Luciel. Stop this car. Now.”

“Why? You gonna hit me or something?”

“Just do it.” His head was down, and his eyes were shut tight. Sure signs that he was about to cry. But his tears also usually indicated anger, so a punch was not out of the question. Oh well; the agency didn’t train an operative that would lose to one kid’s punch. I went ahead and stopped the car.

“All right.” I closed my eyes and turned to him with my arms slack at my sides. “One free hit. So make it count.” And then he was in my arms. Like, he’d unbuckled himself, dove over the cupholders, wrapped his arms around my shoulders and buried his face in my chest. And judging by the warmth there, the tears had come. Or maybe that was just my body heating up, because it suddenly felt strangely hot in here. Was this some sort of trick? Usually when I did clingy stuff like this it was to distract him from something. But no. Yoosung wasn’t like that.

“Oi.” I ran my fingers through his soft hair. “What’s going on, dude? Talk to me.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I know I’ve been busy with student council and all, but…I should have noticed something was wrong! I shouldn’t have let you suffer alone!”

_That is damn well what you will do; and that’s not your choice!_ “What the hell? It’s not like you’re psychic, Yoosung.”

“You tried to tell me last night, right?” So he caught that, huh? Damn. I nodded reluctantly, not wanting to lie to him when he was already like this.

“I’m sorry.”

I held him closer, suddenly not wanting to let him go. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’ve got a lot of shit; that’s my problem, not yours.”

“Still, I want to help. You gave me that job when you let me be your best friend.” Was that how it worked? We were going to need to rethink the best friend thing then. “And besides, you’re getting better at talking to strangers. You’re still a bit weird.” His giggles rippled through me gently. “But it’s a good weird. I see it. And they all will too. I know it.”

“Hmmm, you think I’m good?” He nodded emphatically, and I couldn’t help but smile, no matter how false he was. Although such an indulgence couldn’t last long without eating me alive. “All right, well a good guy wouldn’t make you late, so buckle up!” He did as told and I gratefully restarted the car.

“Hey, Luciel?”

“Hmm?”

“Promise you’ll tell me if something’s bugging you from now on?”

“Ummmmm….” Now that was a promise I couldn’t keep. Because the things that bugged me would hurt him. I’d said I would lie to protect him, but the way he was right now, I couldn’t do it. I glanced at his hopeful eyes and sighed. “I’ll try, okay?” When he sighed, I asked, “Why would you want me to do something like that anyway?”

“Because you’re my friend and I love you, duh!” He said it so quickly that I don’t think he realized he’d said it until after. He hung his head, but I caught some red around the ear facing me. “I mean, nothing weird or anything, just…you’re my best friend…that’s all.” If I’d been in a joking mood, I’d tell him that was quite the overreaction to a strictly platonic “I love you.”

Okay, Yoosung was almost certainly not yet aware, but he was into guys. I could tell from the way he talked about his classmates, and the way he looked at guys. Like Zen. And myself. The only girl he’d ever paid that kind of attention to was Rika. So he was either gay or bi with a strong male preference. Looking back on what I’d done to him over the years, it was probably my fault. Not that there was anything wrong with being gay. (I mean, hell, I’m bi!) The problem was being attracted to shitty people. If Yoosung ever became seriously interested in me, I’d have to stamp that out right away. And I’d have absolutely no problem with that. None at all. Yoosung was way too pure to get mixed up with the likes of me.

“If something’s bugging you…and it’s not related to the secrets you can’t talk about, will you tell me?” I couldn’t see anything that would bug me that wasn’t, but I saw no problem conceding. I swear the inside of the car got brighter when he smiled at that. Yep. Definitely too pure for someone like me.

“Oh, and Luciel?”

“Yeah?”

“Do I really have to call you Seven?” That had honestly been half joking, but if I could make it stick, I really wouldn’t mind. Extra layer between myself and those RFA monsters. Did I need that layer with Yoosung? Given the last five minutes, probably. But did I tend to make stupid decisions when it came to Yoosung? It certainly was starting to look like it. Oh well, as long as I had my limits, it’d be fine.

“Only when we’re with the RFA. Deal?”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes everyone in RFA had to be secretly terrible people. The entire idea behind this fic was "What would you do if everyone around you was a terrible person?" and looking at how Seven and Yoosung answer that question. This chapter didn't get as dark as I thought it would, so there's that!


	10. The Powers of Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luciel isn't the only one surrounded by ill-intentioned people, which Yoosung begins to discover as he steps farther into the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for patiently awaiting my updates! Yoosung's chapters are harder for me to write than Seven's, but I want to take the time I need to do our little cinnamon roll right!

** Yoosung **

Between studying, preparing for the upcoming school year with the student council, and helping Rika with RFA, that spring was easily one of the busiest times of my life to that point. I spoke with people far more than I ever had in the past, partly because my best friend had become strangely silent.

Even with all the time we were spending in RFA, Luciel barely spoke to me. He said it was because he was afraid of showing strangers a sociable side he couldn’t live up to. I’ll admit, I didn’t understand. If talking to me made him more sociable, wasn’t that a good thing? He’d learn to talk to others, like I was slowly starting to. But what really confused me was that he _could_ be sociable; I’d seen it! How’d he make everyone in Rika’s church like him if he couldn’t be?

I’d thought to ask Rika, but every time, I’d quaked at the memory of a darkened, twisted face insisting Luciel didn’t exist. I couldn’t help but feel she knew something that, if revealed, would change things between me and him forever. Given how weird he got about his secrets, I might even lose him. Call me a coward, but I wanted to keep my best friend by my side more than anything else. And, though being best friends with Luciel Choi meant I would certainly always have more questions than answers about him, I was sure it also meant if I respected his secrets, he would never leave me.

So, as always, I acquiesced to his strange requests. I held back around the others. I called him Seven around them. And sometimes, when everyone was busy, he’d look up from his screens and reward me with a small, lopsided grin that made my stomach flutter with gratitude. And, no matter how distant we may act in RFA, we still texted all the time, so I knew our friendship was never threatened. I was just letting him work out whatever he had to in his own time.

During that time, I learned to talk to others more than I ever had. I got to talk to Rika more than I had in years, and I dove into our work to show her what a help I could be to her. I got closer to V too. He, like me, didn’t talk much, and though he was respectful, he’d always seemed just a bit aloof for my tastes. That summer, I came to see he was actually a kind and gentle person who poured everything he had into his work for us. I was impressed by his dedication, to which he blushed and said it was his way of living up to the love Rika poured out for us. That was a sentiment I understood wholeheartedly.

I came to like the new members as well. Jumin and Jaehee, the bigshot businesspeople, seemed unapproachable at first, but as time went on, I discovered they, like the rest of us, had endearing quirks. Like Jumin’s obsession with cats. Or Jaehee’s interest in musicals. I still strove to impress them, and I think it worked, because by the end of break, they were still proposing a future internship with C&R. Zen turned out to be particularly nice. He bragged about his looks a lot, but he greeted me with a bright smile and a warm hug. And he taught me the perfect selfie angle. He offered to take me out and teach me more such “essential life skills” when he wasn’t so busy with work. And, let’s be honest, he did have looks worth bragging about, so I gave it a pass.

I began to talk to others outside of RFA more easily too, such as my fellow student council members, who I worked hard with to prepare for the upcoming school year. While I’d assumed the role of secretary was a passive one, I quickly learned I was responsible for conveying the activities of student council to the rest of the student body! I was initially terrified, but the others on student council were warm and supportive, just like RFA. Brimming with excitement about how proud my RFA friends, especially Rika and Luciel, would be, I prepared to conquer the task.

I made a new friend in student council: Lin Chin-Hwa, the treasurer who’d come to my classroom to give congratulations last year. He was a laid-back guy with a carefree smile and black hair that wisped and curled around him, giving the impression of being perpetually blown about by a gentle breeze. His green eyes shone with a warmth that reminded me of prancing in the grass and the calm of a bygone childhood. I hadn’t noticed his relaxing aura before, but after spending so much time talking to others in RFA, I was calm enough to notice him rather than look for an excuse to leave by myself.

He gently teased me when I admitted I hadn’t known secretary was such a social role, giving me a bright chuckle and saying I should have taken the treasurer role if I didn’t want to talk to people. No one ever expects more from the treasurer than to maintain the records with a language they couldn’t understand.

“Yeah? Why’d you take such a role then? You’re calm around people.” It was true; he may not be the most popular kid in school, but he frequently had people approach him, whom he met with the same serene smile he gave me the moment I asked.

“I accept people. That doesn’t mean I have to seek them out. I only seek out the ones I like.” He gazed right into my eyes and my stomach flopped. “Besides, I like numbers. Managing the treasury is fun.” So that was it, then? Other people were drawn to him, which he accepted in his own way, but given the choice, he’d be in his own world. The feeling was familiar. And calming.

As the new school year started, his presence in my life continued to calm me. Luciel was happy I’d found a friend at school, though the term he used was “babysitter.” My best friend, always teasing me, “in the most loving way, of course.”

_“You’re lucky I put up with you :--P”_

_“Is that backtalk I hear, young man!? I’ll need to tell your babysitter!”_

_“You’re ridiculous lmao”_

_“Well I’m not the one texting in class again! >:D”_

When I looked up, it was true that some of my classmates were giving me sideways glances. Surprisingly, it was far more common for my classmates to catch me texting in class than it was for my teachers. _Ugh, vultures. Oh wait, I don’t think like that anymore!_ It was true that I needed to stop texting in class. To be fair, most of the time, Luciel started it! Working mostly from home and hardly leaving his place, he tended to forget the rest of the world operates on an actual schedule!

After class, three boys approached me, and I tried my best not to panic, when one of them clapped me on the shoulder. “Woo boy, it finally happened! Good on you!”

“Huh? What happened?”

“No need to be shy, my man!” said another one as he draped an arm lazily around me. “We’re happy for you!”

“Uh…thanks? Wait, but why?”

The third one shrugged with a knowing grin. “Oh, I don’t know, a girl so special you text all day!” I sputtered incoherently. Huh? What girl? What on earth were they talking about?

The first one spoke again. “Ballsy to text in class, I’ll admit.”

“But if it’s for a girl, totally worth it!”

“Just didn’t see it coming from Yoosung Kim!”

“Oh come on, he’s a man too!” He turned back to me. “Welcome to the club; we’ve got your back! So, what is she like?”

“Um, who?”

“The girl you’ve been texting, silly!” That’s when it hit me! They saw me texting Luciel in class and assumed I had a girlfriend! Oh he’ll get a hell of a laugh out of this later! I started to laugh myself!

“Oh, it’s not like that! I was—”

“Oh come on!” The guy put his hand back on my shoulder and peered sharply into my eyes. His voice dropped to a slightly…less friendly tone? I was suddenly on edge as I hastily began to gather my books, which quickly became blocked by his hand. “Who _else_ would you be texting in class? Do tell what’s got Mr. Top of the Class breaking the rules for once?”

I didn’t even want to explain anymore. I just wanted to get away from these guys. I stuttered something about needing to get to my next class as I tried to pull my books from under his hand, when…

…a sprightly female’s voice cut in. “Hey, what are you boys still doing here? Let’s all get to our next class now, hmm?” Kyon Byeol, her prefect’s sash pinned snugly to her arm, had the boys backing away from me and muttering excuses and apologies. I began to follow suit when she spoke to me in a softer voice. “Don’t let them ruin your happiness with petty jealousy. Although you _do_ need to stop texting in class!”

“Ah, sorry, I will!” When I realized she thought the same as those boys, I again tried to set the record straight. “Wait, it’s not like that, I—” My words were cut short as I remembered the awkward conversation we’d had at the end of last year. Oh god, that made the misconception even worse!

“Don’t worry about it,” she urged with a chuckle. “I’m glad you found someone you can make time for. You can’t be all work and no play, after all.”

“No! I mean, it’s not someone like that! I was texting my best friend Luciel! He graduated early, so he forgets that normal kids go to school during the day…and now he’s getting me in trouble…oh, but he’s not a bad guy....” I realized I was nervously rambling again, so I finished by promising I’d pay attention in class and looking up at her sheepishly.

She looked at me with a look I couldn’t quite place. Was it concern? Curiosity? Exasperation? Her eyes were boring into me, and I lowered my eyes and began to shift uncomfortably in my seat. Finally, she let me go with a smile that seemed not quite as friendly as the one before. I wasn’t sure why since I had cleared everything up! She must be upset at me for breaking rules after all. She was nice, but she was still a prefect. But she was right. I’d have to get my act together!

* * *

It was the next week, as I ate lunch on the quad with Chinhwa, that I discovered the rumors going around about me. Two of the boys who had approached me before stood over us menacingly.

“Careful, Lin-ssi, Yoosung Kim may be targeting you!” I froze, unsure of exactly what they meant but aware it couldn’t be anything good. Chinhwa, however, raised his head calmly and inquired what they meant in his cool voice.

“Word is, the guy’s a homo!” My stomach tightened. _That_ was it?! They thought I was gay? What did I ever do to make them think that?!

The other guy with him slapped him playfully. “Come on, dude! He’s already got that mystery messaging guy. Weird, foreign name. Lucy-something-or-other.”

“Tch. Well, you never know how they think! So watch out, Lin-ssi, you hear?” With that, the two of them took off, leaving my chest tight. I barely heard Chinhwa asking if I was okay. I wasn’t. There was a heinous rumor going around about me at school. The reputation I’d been tentatively nurturing was ruined. I’d be an outcast again, as I was in my elementary school days. And I knew who started it, though I didn’t want to believe it. The only person at school I had given Luciel’s name to. A person I’d thought to be kind. Kyon Byeol.

Then there was a hand on my cheek. I looked up into Chinhwa’s eyes, their calm only the slightest bit ruffled. “Hey, it’s okay, y’know.”

“How can you say that? People think I’m, I’m…” _Gross. Horrible. Disgusting. Sinful. Deviant._ No one word could sum up the weight of the accusation against me, so I just settled on the technical term. “…gay.” He lowered his hand. And now he’d turn away too. As would everyone else. I closed my eyes, so I didn’t have to watch him leave.

But instead of leaving, he’d thrown his head back and chuckled. “And that’s a bad thing?” I think my mouth visibly dropped. “Look, people spread rumors all the time. They’ll die down. Besides, even if you were gay, it’s not like being gay is bad!”

“Of course it is! Everyone knows that!”

“Hmm?” He stretched his arms lazily. “I guess I’m bad then.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m gay.” He spoke those words so nonchalantly! But those words changed everything! Didn’t they? I mean he was…he was…well, he was different from the Chinhwa I’d gotten to know…right? He had to be…but how?

“I’m not out yet, since, as you saw, most people are too simple-minded to deal with something like that, but yeah, there’s the truth.” He turned to me. “So, Yoosung, am I bad in your eyes now?”

I gaped at him while I struggled to accept this life-changing news. But, the truth was, he didn’t seem that different to me. He was still the same guy with the same carefree smile and calming voice, and warmth that felt refreshingly new and yet comfortably familiar. I shook my head, and he beamed warmly at me.

“I’m glad. Oh, there’s the vice president and some of his friends.” He waved them over, and I struggled to compose my face before they arrived. “Sorry it was so sudden, but it’s not good for either of us if people see us eating lunch alone like this, right?” He gave me a wink, and I once again felt myself calmed by him.

It was that aura of his, the calm in the storm that could soothe my anxieties much like Luciel could. Of course, Luciel was a bit different; while he could be my calm in a storm, he also oftentimes _was_ the storm at the same time! But the fact remained that I had friends who stood by me and looked out for me during hard times. I was definitely a lucky person!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I got the Korean school schedule and naming system right? Spring break is between school years, and clubs typically meet over break, especially student government. "-ssi" is a suffix added when addressing someone formally, like "-san" in Japanese. Classmates/acquaintances address one formally by the first name, which is the surname, while friends address each other with the last name, which is their given name. So Yoosung would address his friend Lin Chinhwa as Chinhwa, but their classmates would refer to him as Lin-ssi. Please let me know if you caught any errors! :D


	11. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rika orders Seven to investigate RFA member Jaehee Kang, using whatever means necessary.
> 
> CW: Implied sexual relations involving a minor (see beginning notes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovelies! Thank you so much for responding to my request for feedback! As per majority opinion, I will not include smut in this story. There will be a few chapters that describe the lead up and aftermath of such activities, but it will not go past M rated and there will be warnings posted in the beginning notes. 
> 
> One of you brought up a very important point that Seven is a minor at this point in the story, and I wanted to speak to that. As of this chapter, he is 17, and over the age of consent of 16 in Korea where he lives. (I actually jumped from March to December in the story to pass his 17th birthday after reading that comment and I'm really excited for the New Year's arc I came up with as a result so thank you!) I've still included an underage warning on this chapter, since most of you are probably in America where the age of consent is 18. I don't plan to have any other...liaisons, for a while, and not until after Seven is 18.
> 
> Look, I get it; it's a dark story. I started writing it to process some stuff; I posted it on a whim and didn't expect it to get any followers. But the fact that you're here means a lot to me and I will do my best to tell this story without making anyone uncomfortable. I am so glad you like it so far and hope you will continue to <3

** Seven **

To be honest, my life got easier after Yoosung went back to school. Without him hanging around every RFA meeting, I could get my work done without obsessively watching his back to make sure there was no target on it. Hell, Ryu-erm- _Zen_ had already put one there, and it was all my fault. No way in hell I’d let anyone else target the kid.

The Zen matter was mostly taken care of, for now anyway. His musicals had gotten a sudden intense boost in popularity and he’d been swamped with jobs, as he’d tearfully told the RFA in apology for his reduced availability. Everyone was understanding and happy to see him reaching his dream. No one would suspect his dream had materialized because a certain hacker designed a Tripter bot to blow up the internet with his work. Even cockroaches like me could make dreams come true, I guess. And for rats like him, go figure.

Now it seemed the only kind of targeting that was happening was C&R’s attempt to groom Yoosung for future employment. Well, that should be fine. C&R was far too ingrained in the Korean economy to be derailed by its director’s secret investments. Even if they did see the light of day, they’d be written off as conspiracy theories. They couldn’t be true, or C&R would go down and take the economy with it. A funny little law of human operation: money changes the truth itself.

But laws are kept because they work for people, as this one would actually work for Yoosung. If he interned for such a high-profile company and earned a recommendation from its director, his career prospects would be great. He could secure a lucrative position and be forever accepted into the normal 9 to 5 life, far from the dangers of the underworld. As long as he didn’t get too close to the rotten core of C&R, in other words, didn’t find out too much, and stayed another faceless white collar, he’d be fine. 

That would suit him. Yoosung may be an overachiever, but only when he’s told what to do. He’s a good boy, through and through, who is much happier following orders than questioning them. He stresses when he has to look at the uglier truth behind his world. That’s why he and I’ve worked. He understands that there is a truth about me he’d rather not know, so he keeps his curiosities in check. He follows my rules. With a mindset like that, he’d go far in his world. 

I was relieved that he was starting to make friends at school. That’s what he needed. To be with normal people. If I got my way, his life would be centered entirely around his normal studies and his normal friends. He’d go to a normal university and get a normal job and lead a normal life. He’d stay innocent of the darker gears that make this world turn, and spend his life surrounded by good people who love him. Far from RFA and its den of crooks. And far from scum like me.

That’s why I tried to think nothing of it when he didn’t text me as much after returning to school. Well, that, and I guess I’d gotten him in trouble texting him while he was in class. Whoops! For all that about wanting him to focus on his bright, shining, normal future, I sure wasn’t helping him with that! Well, that was just me ruining good things for good people again. What else was new? Maybe he was finally fed up? Well, that would be a good thing for him. And for me. I could focus on my myriad of work from both the agency and from Rika.

For some months after the RFA launch, my main job was to get investors, much the same way we’d roped Jumin Han into joining. While RFA’s “vision” might be one where people donate based on concepts of civic duty, that’s not how people function. Those fat cats would see Rika’s sweet face and utopian message and either write it off or try to twist it to their own uses. That’s when Rika would turn to the shadows, where my special skills lied in wait. Luckily, just like with Jumin, I rarely had to meet any of these people in person. I was simply a ghost, hidden in the world of computer screens and code, who could lay bare their entire lives and bend them to my will. After that, sweet little RFA was a much-needed reprieve to these people, especially with its exclusive deal on mysterious cybersecurity. 

So as the end of the year drew near, we’d built up a pretty firm network behind RFA, business leaders from every sector of the economy were clamoring to support Korea’s hot new charity group. With that, RFA was a reputable name, and Rika could make good on her promises to its members. C&R business was thriving even more, V’s photos were even more sought after, and Zen’s acting career really took off. Their popularity fed back into RFA’s in a perfect, self-sustaining loop.

With that taken care of, my focus shifted toward the subject of Rika’s growing paranoia: Jaehee Kang, the C&R assistant who’d joined RFA at Jumin’s demand, not at Rika’s invitation. Rika said she didn’t trust someone she had no dirt on. Honestly, sometimes I think she just doesn’t trust other women. Can’t charm her way out of trouble with them the way she can with men. Pfft, isn’t that what she had me for? Not that I’d say she fully trusted me either. Oh well, can’t say the feeling wasn’t mutual. 

But the fact remained that Jaehee could become trouble in the future. On paper, she was spotless, straight As, graduated early, excellent employee, the whole nine. She could’ve been an overachiever like Yoosung and lived a happy normal life. But her computer’s history made it obvious she was looking for dirt on C&R, and the highest bidder to sell said dirt to. Someone like her would become trouble for RFA, a business with just as many sordid secrets for her to uncover as C&R. And though we were building a power base in society, we were too young to weather a scandal. I was not about to let RFA go down, because however sordid and scandalous it was, I never forgot that it was the wall shielding my brother from the dark world outside. Rika was right: it takes darkness to protect against darkness. 

Jaehee would need to be neutralized before she could become a problem. And that’s how I ended up at her apartment on a particularly rainy evening, doing a task I loathed but was great at nonetheless: fieldwork. What I couldn’t get from her records, I’d just persuade her to give me herself. To avoid interruptions, I took the liberty of jamming all phone and internet signals to her building before heading over. All that was left was for a soaked and shivering cutie to show up at her door; who could say no to such a sight?

“Luciel, what in the world—?”

“Well, my precious baby car’s tire blew out, and I don’t have a spare! And I think the storm blew out my signal so I can’t call for help! I thought I was doomed!” I made sure to flail dramatically so my jacket flew down, revealing my tank-top-clad muscles. And I _know_ I caught her looking! “But then I remembered you live in this area and I thought, ‘thank God; I’m saved!’ Because surely, you’ll help a fellow RFA member, right?”

She looked me up and down and deliberated. I gave her my best innocent smile. Finally, she opened her door. “First off, you need to shower before you catch a cold. Come inside. I’ll find you some clothes to change into.” I made it in; so far, so good. 

After my shower, I found my clothes had been replaced with a pair of black sweatpants that just might fit me if I really squeezed and a yellow tank top that must’ve gone to Jaehee’s knees. Probably used it as a nightgown. Luckily, the tight clothes hugged me in all the right places, showed off all the right muscles. I rolled the sweatpants up to expose my calves. Add my cross, glasses and a tousle to my hair and I’d say I looked pretty fine. Which meant tonight’s mission would go much more smoothly.

When I returned to the front room, there was tea laid out, the sound of the dryer running, and Jaehee frantically typing on her phone while muttering under her breath. She must have seen the results of my signal jamming. _Sorry, Jaehee, but you’re mine for a while._

“Is everything okay?” She startled a bit; she’d been too busy struggling with her phone to notice me come in, but as she recovered, I caught her doing a double take. And lingering on my arms. Yep. I knew she liked those. Got her.

“Well, it looks like the storm may have blown out more than just your cell service. Mine’s not working either, and neither is my landline or my computer.”

“Probably a tower down then. The entire area could be without communications for a while.” 

“Well, at any rate, have some tea. I can’t exactly turn you out in this situation, now can I?” 

“Well of course you could, but if you don’t, then that makes you a saint!”

She chuckled. “Trust me, I am nothing of the sort.”

“Aw, I bet you are; you just don’t know it yet! No one knows they’re a saint till God calls on them, right?” 

“Are you religious?”

“Catholic!” I pointed at my cross. Though it was more a tactic to get through her guard than an actual devotion to the faith, I was proud to be able to tell one truth tonight. I _was_ baptized Catholic, back when I thought the church could save me.

“Really? So am I! But, well I mean no offense, but you don’t strike me as a Catholic.”

“Hm? And you don’t strike yourself as a saint. But you see, you can never know for sure what God’s plan is. If I can be a Catholic, don’t you think you can be a saint if the good lord planned it?” God, if only that were the case. However, if it were, I’d have no business with her. 

“I…I suppose.” She was now smiling and flushed in the face. It was probably sinful how easy I could win people over with lines like mine. I’d honestly thought she’d put up a bit more resistance since she had such an icy demeanor. But maybe she’d gone and made herself so cold she'd want to be warmed up. Worked for me.

I was about to continue when something moved against my leg. I startled, ready to take something out, but said something turned out to be just a cat. A white, long-furred, extremely well-groomed cat, and a pretty one at that. I liked cats. They were independent creatures with a healthy degree of mistrust. I could relate. This one climbed into Jaehee’s lap, eliciting a beleaguered sigh from the latter.

“Kitty! Who is this beautiful creature?” I took the opportunity to nestle in close to Jaehee as I reached for the cat, and she was definitely blushing even harder. 

“This is Mr. Han’s cat, Elizabeth the Third. He leaves her with me when he goes on business trips. No matter how many times I ask him not to.”

“ELLY! If you don’t want to watch her, I could! I love cats! Elly and I would have the best time—” I’d tried to lift her from Jaehee’s lap, and she responded with a hiss and a swipe to my face before fleeing onto the floor and behind the couch. I gave Jaehee a forlorn look and grumbled, “Aw man, I just wanted to love her!”

Jaehee burst into giggles. “Forgive me, but that was quite a sight! Oh, you’re bleeding, hold still!” She ran off and rushed back in with a first aid kit. And before I knew it, she was gently cleaning my wound. Her hands were so warm, and I’m not sure why that surprised me so much. I guess I didn’t figure Jaehee could have such a mothering instinct.

There was a brief time in my life when I could be swayed by such a gentle touch from a woman’s hand. During that time, I thought maybe I could leave my own mother behind and find a new one. One who touched me softly. Bandaged my wounds. Hugged me. Kept me warm. Protected me. For an even briefer time, I thought I’d found one. But that time didn’t last. And I could no longer be swayed by such things. And if Jaehee Kang thought she could sway me; she had another thing coming.

“Say, Jaehee, why’d you take off your glasses?” She’d just finished bandaging me up and only just noticed she wasn’t wearing them. It was something I’d been curious about for a while. Her medical record indicated perfect vision, and she was without glasses in all pictures until quite recently, around the time she started working at C&R.

“Oh, well…it was in my contract with Mr. Han.”

“Glasses? A bit of an odd request.” 

She sighed. “It seems Mr. Han’s had issues with his father trying to date his previous assistants. So he required me to cut my hair and wear glasses to appear…unappealing, so it doesn’t happen again.” No wonder she decided to look for dirt. Any company that starts an employee out like _that’s_ got to be rife with scandal. She certainly seizes her opportunities. As I seize mine.

“Well, that’s a doomed mission.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well…” I paused and looked down. I was about to step up the game, but I’d have to be careful not to be too forward. “…you’re beautiful, and a haircut and glasses won’t change that. So trying to make you ‘unappealing’ is a doomed mission. Sorry to say.” When I looked back up at her, her face had grown even redder and her eyes were wide open and locked on mine. 

“Luciel, what are you—”

“Call me Seven, ‘kay?”

She paused and gave me a look of trying to figure me out. A look I was used to. “Why do you go by that odd nickname?”

“Because I’m 707, Defender of Justice.” I gave her one of my devilishly handsome smirks. “And I found justice that needs defending.” I pointed at her.

“What do you mean?”

“How is someone as intelligent, hardworking, and beautiful as yourself working like a dog for Jumin Han? Working all hours of the day, every day, watching his cat on your time off? I did your background check, remember? I know you’re better than this.”

“The salary is quite high. Besides…” Her face betrayed pain there. Pain tended to loosen lips. I waited eagerly. “…since you did my background check, you should know I’d have a hard time finding such a high-profile job, since I’m an orphan.” 

“That shouldn’t mean anything! With your work ethic and accomplishments, you could get a job anywhere! Jumin should be terrified of losing you once you realize what you’re worth!” Playing dumb could be a fantastic way to get one talking sometimes. Especially playing dumb about one’s unseen suffering. I’d definitely wanted to lash out at people who couldn’t see the truth behind their blind optimism before. And poor Jaehee, trapped in the web of corporate politics, would almost certainly want to do the same. 

She didn’t disappoint. “Mr. Han knows he won’t lose me.” She curled her hands into fists. “He threatens to write me a poor recommendation if I leave. ‘That with your background will ruin you. You wouldn’t want that, would you?’ Disgusting!” After banging her fist on the coffee table, she remembered herself and shrank back. “F-forgive me. I lost myself there. I apologize.”

“Don’t apologize. It _is_ disgusting!” I took her hand and looked at her with my best concerned face. “Jaehee, you can’t just take this lying down.”

I’d hoped she would break down and reveal her plans the way she’d revealed her predicament. But as she looked from our joined hands to my face, her eyes flickered with distrust, and she edged away. “I-I don’t see how this is any of your concern.” 

“What kind of defender of justice would I be if I wasn’t concerned?” I lowered my voice, forcing her to lean closer to hear it. “Is it so wrong for me to want to help?”

“And how could you help?” 

“Well, I’m something of a computer genius.” She recognized the fact when I reminded her of the app her boss desperately wanted to copy. “If he wants to blackmail you, I bet I could find something to blackmail him back with.” I could feel her deliberation. I knew she’d hit dead ends in C&R’s financial records. In fact, I’d made sure she would. She of course didn’t know that getting dirt on people was my job. But she knew I had talent. Of course there was one glaring question.

“And what would you want in return?”

“I don’t need anything from you.”

“You’re talking about hacking the most powerful corporation in Korea. I doubt you’d take up such a task on a whim.”

“I didn’t.” I cast my eyes down and let my shoulders fall. She had to think she’d caught my true motive. “I’ve been looking into him already. Nothing major yet. But…yeah.”

“Why?”

I looked up at her like a child. “You can’t tell Rika I told you this! She made me promise not to tell! But…one time, I caught Jumin talking to her…I couldn’t hear them, but she looked terrified. The way he was leaning over her, I could see why. I interrupted them and he left, but…” I clenched my fist. “Rika looked so shaken. I begged her to tell me what was going on, but she just insisted everything was fine and pleaded with me to drop it. But…I can’t stop thinking, if everything is fine…”

“…why was she so insistent?” Jaehee finished for me.

I nodded. “Rika’s so convinced there’s good in everyone, and I’ve always been worried she’ll trust the wrong person and get hurt. And now I think she has. I think he’s threatening her. I don’t know why. But I’m going to find out.” 

And there were my cards, laid on the table for Jaehee to see. I was a young, idealistic nerd, ready to go to cyberwar like a knight fighting for a princess, blind to the manipulations of mercenaries. Just the kind of innocent genius she’d like to get her hands on. And I was already on the trail of her prey. She could either bring me under her control or risk me finding Jumin’s secrets before she could, and removing any chance she had of monetizing them. The answer was clear.

She leaned closer and stroked my hair. “It sounds like you love her.” Oh Jaehee, was that an attempt to get some sort of dirt on me? Or were you trying to see how much of a chance you had of worming your way in? Lucky for you, you’re exactly what I want tonight. 

“Of course I do. I’ve known her and V since I became orphaned.” She gasped, and the hand that had been in my hair fell to my shoulder. “They’ve been like parents to me. Because of them, I’m not alone anymore.” Her eyes shone. Because despite her scheming, she was a human being who wanted, like most humans, some sort of proof that she wasn’t alone in this cruel world. I cupped her cheek tenderly and whispered: “And I won’t let you be alone anymore, either.” 

She was the one who kissed me first. As I’d planned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a continuation of this one. It's already in editing stage, so I promise I won't make you wait as long as I usually do for an update! Thank you all for putting up with my sporadic updates! <3
> 
> Shoutout to Starlingchild4 and oodlittlething.tumblr.com for beta-reading for content and clarity :D


	12. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven reaches an agreement with Jaehee, and a decision regarding his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2, as promised, in a faster time frame than usual for me! (Ignore me while I pat myself on the back) Big thanks to starlingchild4 and oodlittlething for beta reading and editing!
> 
> Also, don't freak out if you noticed the name change! I promise it's still me; I just changed the pseud to match my handle on all my other social media. So if you feel compelled to stalk, I mean say hi to me on tumblr or insta I'm not going to stop you! ;)
> 
> CW: Implied sexual relations involving a minor (Depending on your country's regulations; he is 17 and of age in his own country)

**Seven**

A few hours later, after I made sure Jaehee would be too, shall we say, exhausted to resist an interrogation, she’d drifted off for a bit, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Would this be my occupation’s version of a lunch break? Not much of one, since, with her nestled in the crook of my arm, I couldn’t exactly go anywhere without waking her up. Heh, a lot of guys would kill to have a woman in their arms like this and here I was complaining about it.

I had to admit, she did look peaceful. I guess there was rest for the wicked after all. Not that I’d seen any. Although I found myself debating how wicked she actually was. What had she really done? Tried to get dirt on a boss who abused and blackmailed her? And found nothing of consequence, at that? She reminded me a bit of myself, dealt a bad hand and protected herself however she could. But then, it was the choices she’d make with all the possibilities in her hands that would define her.

On another note, she really was an amateur. She had the talent, and she might well have pulled off her plans if I hadn’t gotten to the records first, but her heart wasn’t hard enough for this kind of work. I could see it in her eyes. She was mistrustful, she was calculating, but she couldn’t accept the reality of her own solitude. In this world, there are no “equals” or “comrades,” just people to be used and people to use you. She still looked for a comrade to ease her loneliness, and that was a fatal flaw in the world she was trying to walk. It opened her up to guys like me; I’d exploit that weakness and bend her to my will. 

I’d gone into this planning to seduce her. There’s just so much more compliance to a target afterward. I’d planned for it to be a mostly physical thing, but the hallmark of good fieldwork is efficiently learning and exploiting the enemy’s weak points. This enemy was hurting, alone, and looking for comfort. She needed someone to talk to, someone she could trust. Who better than someone young and naïve enough to follow her after hearing such a harrowing story? Who better than a young idealist who believed in justice? Who better than a white knight looking to protect the princess? 

I should win an award for my acting. If, in some alternate universe this had all been an act for some TV drama and I won an award for it, I’d dedicate it to Yoosung. He was the real naïve idealist. He was the one who believed in justice. I could still remember the tears in those big pretty eyes when I gave him that first cruel taste of truth, that taste I’d told him to forget. His image in my mind was my model as I cast the perfect innocent face for Jaehee. 

If Yoosung knew I’d used him to design the sheep’s clothing for my wolf, he’d probably be disgusted. Although if he found out what anyone in RFA was hiding, he’d be disgusted. His cousin. His supposed best friend. All disgusting liars and cheats looking to screw each other over before we could be screwed over ourselves. The truth would break poor Yoosung. That’s what scared me. Not the thought of how he’d see me after. Because that matter was none of my concern.

Alright, enough letting my mind drift. Back to work. I stretched, rousting Jaehee from her nap. She immediately blushed and shied away from me. “Seven! This…this was…” As much as part of me would love to see her try to backpedal her way out of this, I was on a schedule. I had a task for the other job due the next day.

I took her hand in both of mine and fixed her with a smoldering gaze. “Jaehee…don’t call me a mistake.” That stopped her in her tracks. Definitely an amateur if she still had enough conscience to stop for that. But what did that say about me for preying on it? “I know you’re scared, but trust me. I’ll protect you.” I pulled her back into my arms, and she let me. Like I said, certain relations inspire a certain type of compliance. 

“Speaking of which,” I began as I stroked her hair, “in order to help you, I need to know your plans. What are you looking for, and what will you do when you find it?” And immediately she tensed up. At least she wasn’t pulling away entirely. I lifted her chin up to meet my eyes. “We’re up against the most powerful corporation in Korea. One wrong move and we’re screwed.”

“That’s why we get dirt on—”

“Even if we find something on him, if we use it wrong, it can backfire. He’s a wealthy man, Jaehee. Money…changes the truth. You know I’m right.” Ah, nothing like classic othering and fearmongering to inspire some cooperation. I mean, even if my show of great concern for her wasn’t entirely honest, I wasn’t lying. One wrong move against Jumin Han could spell disaster. And neither of us could afford that. And by the look on her face, she knew it too. She just wasn’t sure whether to trust me. A little too late for that, though. 

I stroked her cheek gently. “Jaehee, you don’t need to fight alone anymore.” Reminded of her weak desire for a comrade, she blushed and shrank away and finally started to give in.

“C&R’s financial statements look doctored. I’ve been trying to find out why, but so far every lead has been a dead end.”

“Hm. If you send those to me, I’ll take a look.” When she eyed me suspiciously, I reassured her I had a secure file transfer platform she could send it to. Little did she know that platform belonged to one of my aliases, a known and at-large hacker. Once I had a trail of her sending C&R financials to “him,” I’d have a failsafe if she ever got out of line. 

“I guess it’s a good thing you can read ledgers and the like,” she said with a grin. “Where did you learn such a skill, by the way?” Her smile wasn’t fooling me. This wasn’t small talk; she was suspicious. And trying to get dirt on me, her own sort of failsafe. After all, corporate ledgers weren’t part of a cybersecurity business.

I gave her a sheepish smile. “Picked it up in school! Math was my favorite subject. Almost went to university for it, but I decided I like computers better!” Thin cover, but when paired with a young innocent face, someone like her would be inclined to let it go. 

Time to get the focus back on her. “So, what are we going to do when we find something?” As she froze up and started to turn away, I decided to get a little less gentle. I rose and then swooped down, my hands on either side of where she lay and my eyes hovering above hers. May as well remind her just how flustered I could make her before pressing further. When I saw in her blush that it had worked, I softened just a bit. “Jaehee, this isn’t a game. Like I said, if we mess up with this, he’ll hurt us. He’ll hurt you. And he’ll hurt Rika.” One look at my face at the mention of Rika and it would seem she took my supposed filial attachment seriously enough to suspend her doubt for the time being.

She rose and placed her palm on my cheek. “All right. Don’t worry. I won’t put us or Rika in danger. Because I’m not the one who will out Mr. Han when the time comes.” Finally, her plans were almost in my hands! 

I placed my hand over hers and looked at her with my most innocent wide-eyed expression. “Wh-what do you mean?” She began to stroke my hair behind my ear, and I swear she was purring! Damn, she really thought she had me under her control! Well, far be it from me to correct her…for now. I rested my head against her chest and looked up at her.

“I’m not silly enough to try to take Mr. Han head on. You’re right; he’d ruin me. Tell me, have you heard of Yi Corp?” Now that name I recognized from her research. Not quite on C&R’s level, but it was well-to-do and had a generations-long reputation. Unfortunately, the current head’s health was poor, and his sole heir, Yi Sung-hoon, was an absolute buffoon who ruined every project his father put him on. Not to mention he was an entitled asshole and an absolute pig to women. Only his daddy’s money kept him from ruin. And possibly prison. I thought I was starting to see where Jaehee was going with this. 

“So, you’re going to sell intel to Yi Corp, and let them call Jumin out? It’s better than doing it yourself, but it’s still risky. If the guy’s as incompetent as you say he is, he can botch it and drag us down too.” Since I now knew her plans, I didn’t actually need to talk her out of them this early in the game. All I had to do was stall the info gathering and bog it down with fake leads. Send her on a wild goose chase. One that could be traced back to her, of course. But maybe, just maybe I could get her to stop this crazy mission before she started. Rika wouldn’t be happy if I did. She wanted this woman involved in something shady; she wanted dirt. But…Jaehee could still turn back from this. 

“Seven, if we’re going to work together, you’re going to have to think bigger than that.” She began to stroke my hair, and I could feel a difference in her. Her touch was…stronger, like she was just waiting to sink her claws into something. “If we could find something to bring the C&R heir to his knees, why just throw it to the wind?” That’s when it hit me. Yi Corp had status but needed a bailout. Ruining C&R wouldn’t bail out Yi.

“You plan to have Yi Corp blackmail C&R.”

“Not just blackmail. Buyout.” It was actually a damn good plan. Dig up dirt, sell it to a struggling competitor, and convince the competitor to neutralize the enemy by buying his company. No scandals leaked, the world kept turning, just another twist in the corporate game. And no one would suspect her.

“Holy shit. That could actually work. And the fortune you could make brokering a deal like that…you’d never have to work again!” She could retire from this scheming world for good. She could start over. I almost wished I could make that happen. Well, technically, I could. Especially if I used one of my online aliases to mediate the deal; she’d walk away spotless and rich. But she didn’t hold the key to my loyalty. Rika alone held that. And Rika would not want her favorite cash cow taken out. 

Fortunately, Jaehee didn’t give me much time to feel guilty. “Early retirement, huh? Where’s the fun in that?” She chuckled, and I looked up. Her eyes were hardened. I’d seen that look before. On Rika. 

“What else could you get?”

“Well, acquiring C&R won’t make Yi Corp’s leader any more able to handle the assets. He’d need an advisor. It wouldn’t be suspicious at all to give such a position to the most well-reputed employee of his most valuable holding, now would it?”

“But why give up early retirement to work for a new master?”

She smiled deviously, my hope that she could avoid darkness fading fast. At least her hunger for power was loosening her lips because I was tired of coaxing out information. “Remember the big picture, Seven. Yi, like most corporate types, has a hard time controlling himself around women.” She patted her belly, the implications becoming clear…and horrifying.

“You’re going to get that guy to marry you!”

“Now you’re seeing the big picture, Seven!” Her eyes were maniacal. “As his wife, his advisor, and the advisor to his heir, his company would work for me!” So that was it. The powerless came to want not just freedom, nor even money. She wanted power, and she’d sell whatever she could to get it. Although if she thought bringing a kid into it to blackmail someone would give her any semblance of a happy life, heh, she should talk to my mother sometime. At any rate, she’d revealed the choices she’d make with all the possibilities. They weren’t pretty, but at least I needn’t have qualms about foiling her plans on Rika’s behalf. 

She must have realized my genius brain was the only thing making her plans possible, because she pulled me closer and reassured me she wouldn’t forget me when the time came. “I’ll show you just how powerful we can become when we work together, one orphan to another.” 

I gave her my best glazed over, yes-man look. “Lead the way, then.”

* * *

I spent a good while after that encounter wondering how much of Jaehee’s dark path was my fault. Sure, she had the idea all along, but she never would have been able to make it happen if I hadn’t come along. She could have been a normal, overworked businesswoman. Miserable, yes, but free of this world of lies and schemes. She could have married a normal man, had normal kids, lived a normal life. She could have found happiness. She’d never get a chance now. She’d always be plotting, always covering her tracks, and never able to trust anyone like she desperately wanted. Eventually she’d stop wanting it and the good left in her would wither in the shadow of her greed. That was the world I gave her when I came looking for dirt that didn’t yet exist. 

Of course, she was free to make her own choices. But what else would she do? What would that tortured child in the closet do if the one to open the door and extend its hand was the devil? Of course it would follow the devil. I had once been that child, now I was the devil himself. This was why I liked dealing with people who were already messed up. Like Rika. Even Zen. I didn’t need to worry about ruining anyone.

I was still in the midst of these thoughts when I got a text from Yoosung, asking me if I’d go Christmas shopping with him. I laughed like a maniac. Here was this sweet guy, inviting the devil out for Christmas. He wouldn’t be asking if he knew how I corrupted people. And it was better he never found out. It was better I distanced myself from him before I put dark ideas in his head. 

_“Sorry dude I’ve got a big project T_T”_ It wasn’t a lie. I’d told enough of those tonight. It just wasn’t the whole truth. 

_“Cmon I haven’t seen you in forever!”_ He could be such a baby sometimes, but he’d be fine. I’d had my doubts in the early days, but he was doing well now. He was making friends at school. He didn’t need me anymore. He had to start distancing himself if he was ever going to avoid the corruption that followed me. If only he could free himself of me completely. Alas, that would be shedding his only protection in the club his cousin had recklessly let him join. Not that he probably gave her much of a choice. Maybe that’s why she’d told me to look after him. Well, I didn’t need to be joined at the hip with him to do that.

I’d made a promise to be his best friend. But if he moved on of his own accord, that agreement would be null and void. And what better way to forget someone than to fill your head with someone else? 

_“Why don’t you ask Chinhwa?”_ From what I’d heard, Chinhwa sounded like good people. He’d serve Yoosung well as a new best friend.

_“Ok”_ My chest tightened, and I silently implored Chinhwa to take care of Yoosung. Be everything I never could be for him. And never leave him behind like I’d have to.

_“But if you get any time at all, will you join us?”_

_“Even if it’s just for a little bit?”_

A part of me really wanted to tell him yes. A part of me really wanted to pretend, just for a little while, to be a normal kid with him. But I could never be that. And I couldn’t keep exposing him to the darkness that came with me. I couldn’t keep everyone off the dark path, but god damn it I was going to try my hardest to keep Yoosung off it. 

And to do that, I’d need to start with a lie:

  
_“I’ll try.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far this story has taught me that writing about political/economic schemes is harder than I thought! Like, yeah I have generic ideas, but coming up with feasible details was a feat! Also, making Jaehee any semblance of evil was so much harder than any of the rest of the RFA T_T girl is just too pure!!! I hope I did a good job so far, because there will be more scheming later mwu-hahaha!
> 
> In the meantime, time to go back to Yoosung's "normal kid" dilemmas...and let's see how he faces them in light of Seven's decision...or will he even let Seven act on his decision??? Damn ya'll this slow burn is even hurting me! Does that mean I'll stop? Lol nope! Spoiler: I PROMISE they get together...it's just going to be a while! If you want some quick and dirty (but not really dirty because it's not smut) yooseven fluff, check out my one-shot "First Aid Kisses" Shameless self-promotion? Admittedly yes. But now your curiosity won't leave you alone! :D


	13. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung's life is starting to change, which is hard without Luciel to help him process. But another friend is changing too, and will need his help! A chance to avoid his own problems by dealing with someone else's? It's like Christm- well, you get the picture!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is thinking "didn't you say at the end of last chapter this would be a New Year's event?" I did, and then I changed that bit of the last chapter. Why? I did a little research on New Year's in Korea, and long story short, it's a huge family holiday there, so it would make no sense for friends to hang out on New Year's. Whereas Christmas is kind of like Valentine's Day: preferably you have a date, but if you don't you can hang with friends. Much more appropriate holiday for the content of this chapter. 
> 
> Heads up, this chapter involves a lot of reference to Korean holiday traditions and some Catholic ones too, which I try my best to explain in text without disrupting the flow of the story. I wrote it this way because I am doing my best to stay true to the story's setting in South Korea and the Catholic influence that Rika exerts over both of the main characters. I'll include further explanations in the end notes in case they were confusing in the story!

** Yoosung **

When I’d been at the station where we’d agreed to meet for twenty minutes past the agreed upon time, I’d already decided Christmas Day wasn’t going well. It was supposed to be a fun day off with my best friends, but of course, one of them had cancelled and the other was concerningly late.

Though disappointed, I wasn’t surprised when Luciel texted this morning, saying a work thing had come up. He cancelled plans frequently, especially around the holidays- more work then, he said. All he ever seemed to do was work. Why? It wasn’t like he needed the money; he lived alone and paid for that giant bunker all by himself. I’d always wondered where his parents lived, since he never talked about them. Maybe he went to visit them during the holidays? I didn’t know why he’d do it in secret, but a complete lack of understanding of Luciel’s secrets was nothing new to me.

Anyway, he’d become even more distant lately. We hardly talked anymore, and when we did, it was short and almost always cut off by a “work thing.” I tried to be understanding, after all, Luciel, out of school, working, and living alone, was practically an adult already. And almost every adult I knew worked all the time. Even Rika was too busy for me since RFA started. And it seemed now my best friend had left me behind too.

And that left me spending Christmas alone with Chinhwa, which made me nervous. Christmas was mostly a couples’ date day, but the three of us had decided to spend it together since we were all single. Not hugely uncommon, but with one of us secretly gay and the other the target of “gay” rumors…well, what if a classmate saw us and thought the wrong thing?

I knew I shouldn’t think that. Chinhwa was a good friend to me. He’d acclimated me to student council and introduced me to his many acquaintances. Thanks to him, I was no longer the quiet weird kid; I had a normal school life I’d long thought out of my reach. And even when the rumors surfaced, he helped me keep the situation under control.

And honestly, he was probably the only reason I wasn’t a depressed wreck over Luciel’s withdrawal. I’d vented to him about that, and everything else: the rumors, the pressure to succeed, the fear I didn’t really fit in. Sure, every teen went through these things, but it didn’t make my situation feel any less intense. And he never treated it as any less. He listened to me calmly and without judgement, with a gaze that told me I mattered. Under his kind gaze, I could spill my guts and feel like I’d gotten poison out of me.

So, could I risk a few more rumors from idle morons to spend Christmas with one of my best friends? As long as he didn’t bail like Luciel, sure. Although, as the station clock showed nearly thirty minutes past meeting time, I began to fear that may be the case.

Finally, Chinhwa ran into the station, face flushed and glistening with sweat. From under his cap, his usually silky hair clung to his forehead. And his eyes, usually so tranquil, flashed with worry.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” he choked out between pants. “I stopped to help a girl selling bibles set up her stall, and I lost track of time! I’m sorry!”

“A bible-selling girl?” I held back laughter. Chinhwa was lucky this wasn’t a date! If I was his girlfriend, I might’ve been jealous that he was late because of another girl! Although with him, it would be a boyfriend; would a boyfriend get jealous of a girl? It was too complicated for me to wrap my head around.

He looked sheepish. “Well, yeah. Her partner was late, and she was struggling by herself, and it’s not like anyone else would likely stop.” He had a point. Even on Christmas in Seoul, a city with a lot of Christians, people didn’t stop for tiny bible shops, which teemed with doomsday conspiracies or petitions for Rome to lead the country. Even I pretended not to see them when I walked by. But to see someone struggling alone and stop to help, even though he wasn’t a Christian, was such a Chinhwa thing to do, one of the many things I admired about him. I just couldn’t be angry, even if he were late.

“It’s okay. You’re here now.” I removed his hat and started to smooth his sweaty hair. “Now that you’ve done your good deed for the day, time to take care of yourself! Let’s sit down and rest…” His blush made me realize my hand was in his hair, and I jerked it back. Damn it, I blamed Luciel for these subconscious touchy habits! “Sorry, too ‘mom friend?’” Hopefully, we could laugh my invasion of his space off as a joke.

He finished brushing his hair back from his face and replaced his hat, breaking into a smile that seemed made of light. “Not at all, thank you for being so concerned for me!”

As we moved on, we began to chatter as usual, and he was so bright and cheery that I forgot my previous anxieties.

* * *

We quickly recovered from the day’s rough start and enjoyed ourselves as we searched for Christmas gifts. We found post cards to send to my sister at her American school, his father in England on business, and various grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I found the perfect one for Rika and V, a bright sun casting gold rays and rainbows on a snow-filled meadow, where the first flowers of spring poked meekly through. Daffodils! Rika’s favorite! Chinhwa exclaimed that it was “cute” how excited I was over her gift, which I grumbled about until we moved on to candy.

We bought plenty of candy to bring home (he got somewhat more out of a sweet consideration for his little sister), both Christmas canes and dried fruit and rice cakes for the upcoming New Year. Even though the Solar New Year celebrations were smaller than the lunar ones later this month, there was still much to be excited for. I would visit my father’s parents, along with a few uncles and cousins. My sister would join us as well, and my mother demanded we give her a perfect New Year since she’d be in school during the lunar celebrations. Besides that, we were turning another year! At first, I was excited, but then the implications hit and filled me with dread.

“Dude, can you believe life as we know it is almost over?” Chinhwa raised his eyebrow at me lightly. Yes, I was being a bit dramatic, but could he really blame me? “I mean, we start our last year of school soon, and then we’re adults and we go to college who-knows-where and then…then what?” What if I went to college far away? No more parents reminding me to study, no more of Mom’s kimchee, no more comfortably fulfilling my civic duty in Rika’s footsteps! No more RFA, no more school, no more student council! Hell, I might’ve already lost Luciel! What if I worked all the time like him and never saw my friends and family again?

My face started to burn. Crap, I needed to get a grip before the tears came. I had to push back fears of losing the place to belong I finally felt I had after so many years of loneliness. I had to remember that going to college was normal, and for god’s sake, to stop blowing it out of proportion like a middle schooler!

Chinhwa gently put his hand in mine, and something about our mittened hands in each other’s made me feel like a small child again. Like if I just listened and followed, everything would be fine, as always. And his soft eyes and soothing smile made it, as usual, quite easy to follow him.

“It’s normal to be scared. But just because we go to college, doesn’t mean we lose everything. Our families are still right here waiting for us. Our friends are still here.” He let go of my hand to pat my head. “I’m still here.” When I looked up, his gaze was strong and steady, like a rock in a stormy sea. But I was still nervous.

“Even if we go somewhere far away and work all the time and never see each other again?” At that, he sighed and looked to the sky as if in contemplation. And maybe a hint of sadness? Oh no, I didn’t want to bring him down when he’d just tried to help! “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t need to get so negative….”

He turned back to me, his usual calm smile back. “I don’t think I’m the one you’re afraid to lose, Yoosung.”

“What’s that supposed to--?”

“He placed a gentle but firm hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. “Please don’t compare me to Luciel. I’m here. You’re not losing me, okay?”

“I didn’t- What’s he got to do with this?!” He just raised a calm eyebrow and smiled softly, letting figure it out in my own awkward, flustered way. He had a point. Would I be so worried about losing people if I didn’t feel like I was already losing Luciel? I mean, it made sense, but I’d never even thought of that before, let alone told anyone else! But then, Chinhwa took time to notice things about people, things everyone else would just ignore. I think that’s what I admired most about him. In the beginning, it reminded me a lot of Luciel.

But, in the time I’d known Chinhwa, he’d never blown me off. I’d never wondered if he was going to show up when he said he would. I never got headaches trying to figure him out. And I never feared he was caught up in something dangerous, just to find him playing some maniacal joke. He was here with me now. He was keeping me from worrying about the future. He wasn’t a stand-in for Luciel. He was his own, amazing person. And one of my best friends.

“Y-you’re right. I have been comparing you. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t mean to sound harsh. I just don’t want you to think I’m going to disappear, okay?”

“I believe you.” As soon as the words came out, they felt more real. “I won’t believe you’ll disappear just because someone else did.”

He paused before hesitantly responding. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think Luciel means to hurt you. From what you’ve said about him, he doesn’t seem like he’d want you hurt.”

“I know he doesn’t. He’s just…” the word Rika had once used, “troubled,” passed through my mind. “…he’s got a lot going on.”

“Have you told him how lonely you feel?” Lonely, huh? I thought those days were over when I started making friends. I hadn’t known I could feel lonely even with them. That was before I realized I could have people in my life who still didn’t hear me when I needed to speak. First my parents, then Rika, and now Luciel. “You shouldn’t hide such important feelings, especially from someone so important.”

“Well, I’ll talk to him, if I get a chance before I disappear to college!” I laughed sardonically.

“Aren’t you going to Sky?” I was _applying,_ yes. Sky University was right here in Seoul, close to everyone I wanted to keep in my life. But Sky also had the strictest admission standards in the country, possibly the continent!

“I can’t count on it. You know how hard Sky is to get into.” I knew he knew because he was applying too.

He chuckled, which would have been infuriating if it weren’t so calming. “I think you underestimate yourself.” Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and pulled me into a market stall so quickly I was reminded of- oh wait, I wasn’t comparing people anymore.

The shop he’d taken me to sold charms. “If you’re worried about getting into Sky, no harm in picking up an intelligence charm for good luck!” I rolled my eyes but smiled, nonetheless. Every shopping center and event market had one of these charm shops, that sold little prayers for luck, health, money, or whatever. They didn’t work, obviously, but a lot of students collected them for fun.

“Here!” He picked out a bookmark with the word “wisdom” on it. “You can pray for the wisdom to ace the CSAT! And it will remind you to make wise decisions and study!”

“Ha! Well the second part makes sense at least!”  
  


“So you’ll use it?”

“Sure.” I rolled my eyes again and began to fish for my wallet when he took the bookmark to the counter.”

“What are you doing?”  
  


“Buying you a Christmas gift, of course!” I hadn’t thought we’d buy each other gifts. Christmas gifts were more about souvenirs for family. But still, if he was going to get me one, then…

“Then what do you want?” When he cocked his head quizzically, I gestured around the stall. “You can’t get me a gift and not let me get you one!”

He placed the bookmark in my jacket pocket with a grin. “I already got a good luck charm earlier!” My turn to look quizzically. “I’ll show you later. “For now, let’s go there.” I followed his point to a photo booth that a few middle school girls had just exited, squealing in delight. I’d secretly wanted to try that when I was a kid, but now….

“Are you sure? It’s not too childish?”

“We’re not grown up yet, are we?” He started toward the booth ahead of me. “You said you’d like to give me a Christmas gift, right? Well, I’d like this.” He looked back at me with a smile I couldn’t say no to.

* * *

Looking at the photo strips, with our silly faces, digitally engineered Santa hats and “Friends Forever” declaration, I realized this had been oddly therapeutic. Maybe I’d just needed to stop freaking out over the future and be a dorky kid for a bit. Did Chinhwa know this would help? Doing something immature to make me feel better sounded like something Lu- argh! I shook my head to stop the comparison. Whatever had happened, it was nice, that’s all I needed to know!

He took two of the four strips for himself, deciding to give his extra copy to his sister, who’d never used a photo booth before. I decided I’d give my extra copy to Luciel, so he’d see how fun it was and join in next time!

He thanked me, and I laughed that it wasn’t much, to which he sincerely responded that it was a fantastic gift and that he’d treasure it.” Geez, he could sure be cringey sometimes!

As he put the photos in his wallet, something fell out, which I picked up. It was a prayer card with a picture of Saint Valentine. A little odd, since he wasn’t Catholic.

“Oh! That’s the charm I bought earlier! From that bible seller I helped. He smiled sheepishly. “I actually talked to her for a bit, and she recommended this.”

“The patron saint of love, huh? Any reason why?” Was the mature, stoic Chinhwa finally giving in to the dramatics of a high school crush, love charms and all? I’d finally have something to tease him about! God, if _that_ was my first thought, maybe I _did_ need a break from Luciel’s influence!

Chinhwa’s eyes darted nervously, and I decided no way would I tease him. “Hey, you okay? You can tell me, you know?” When he didn’t answer, I pressed. “Do you have someone you like?” He nodded, his eyes downcast.

“That’s fantastic! Why are you so upset over it! Let’s start planning your cheesy confession to her- oh, I mean…” My voice lost momentum. I tended to push the knowledge that he was gay from my mind, insisting it changed nothing. But now it did. How would a guy confess to a guy? That would be so weird! “…you know, your confession to _him_.”

The look on his face was almost sympathetic. As if _I_ was the one who needed it! “You understand, right? These things are…different for me. I don’t know if he’ll like me back. If he even _can_ , y’know? It’s not like it’s easy to tell who likes guys and who doesn’t. And I wouldn’t want to ruin my friendship with this guy over that.”

“But still, keeping something like that in sounds…harsh. Besides, weren’t you the one who said not to keep feelings that important in?”

“I know, I know. It’s not fair to keep this in, for me or him. I’m just…afraid he’ll be horrified.”

“Why would he be horrified?”

He gave me a wry smirk. “Remember how horrified you were when I told you I’m gay?” I winced. Admittedly, I _had_ been horrified. But that was because I’d never met a homosexual before! No one talked about it, except for kids who giggled and said it was bad. And apparently, the Bible condemned it, but I wasn’t sure where. But Rika always said not to judge a person’s sins; those were between them and God. That kind attitude was why she helped far more people that any other Catholic I’ve met! How could I help people like Rika if I couldn’t even help my friend? Besides, I just couldn’t believe someone as good as Chinhwa could be bad just because he was gay!

“I’m sorry, okay? It was new to me and I freaked out. But I want to change! Because you’re not horrible! His eyes had drifted to the sky, so I grabbed his shoulders. “Hey, look at me! You’re not horrible. I don’t think you are; you shouldn’t think you are, and neither should that person! Got it?”

He blushed, and I hastily removed my hand. Once again, I blamed Luciel for my new habit of getting in people’s space. “Sorry for getting in your face like that,” I muttered.

His face broke into a small grin. It’s okay. And you _are_ changing. Your mind is growing stronger. It’s amazing.”

My turn to blush. “Gah, when did this become about me?”

“I just mean to say thank you.”

“Oh…you’re welcome, I guess?” I was too busy trying to see how I’d change to figure out how I’d helped, but he seemed in a better state. I decided to focus on the matter at hand than whatever change may be happening in me. “So, are you going to tell him?”

He held the picture of Saint Valentine to the light. “I think I will. I’d hoped this would give me the courage to do it, but I think you did.” Before I could react, he started to laugh. “You know, I even asked that Bible seller if it was wrong to ask the saints’ help with a love the church would hate. She said it wasn’t the church nor the saints’ place to judge, that my heart is between myself and God! I wish more of your church thought that way.”

“Ha, me too! By the way, did the Bible seller have blonde hair?”

“Nope, red hair, sorry!” We both broke into giggles. He’d heard so much about Rika he knew exactly where this was going. But it wasn’t her. Of course there were other kind people like her in the church!

I waited with him at his bus stop, since mine was just around the corner. I wasn’t finished interrogating him yet! Now that this awkward stuff was over, it was fun!

“So, you’ll tell him, right?”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “I’ll make it my New Year’s Resolution!” I hoped he wouldn’t take all year to confess, but it was a start.

His bus was approaching, but I had one more question. “Who is it?”

“I’ll tell you later. I promise.”

“Eh?! You can’t drop news like this and not tell me who! That’s like, against the laws of friendship!”

He was already stepping forward toward the now-parked bus, but he called back over his shoulder in a melodious tone: “I want to keep this secret a little bit longer. But I’ll tell you; I promise. After all, you gave me the courage to confess.” He boarded his bus, leaving me to walk disappointedly to my own stop.

I mean, who he crushed on was his business. And this _was_ a sensitive matter; it wasn’t a normal crush, after all! And hell, it wasn’t like I wasn’t used to secrets! And not just from Luciel. I had them too. Like the red-headed boy from my childhood that not even Rika or Luciel believe exists. What was once a painful silence had become a fond memory for me and me alone. If Chinhwa kept his feelings a secret, I hoped it was a happy secret like that.

I didn’t realize I’d been twirling the “wisdom” charm in my fingers until it blew away in the wind. I swore and chased after it. It fluttered down the sidewalk, and I crouched behind it, preparing to pounce….

When a black-gloved hand got to it before I could. I looked up at the person now holding it. Black boots, pale, strong legs…at the hem of a green plaid skirt I immediately averted my eyes and rose, lest she think I was trying to peek! I started stuttering out apologies.

At first glance she looked intimidating, with unnaturally light brown eyes and severely straight crimson red hair, not a strand out of place as it fell to her elbows. But when she smiled and extended the charm to me, her aura changed. Her light eyes grew warm, and her hair bustled around her like the autumn leaves of a warmer season. Her unbuttoned black coat shifted to reveal a dainty cross and a soft-looking sweater.

“No need to apologize! I’m glad I could catch this for you!” As I took it, she asked, “Is this a good luck charm? What do you need ‘wisdom’ for?”

“Ah, well, first it was just the CSAT. But now, my best friend’s basically disappeared, and my other friend’s got a problem I’m not sure if I can help with…Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to trouble you!” Today had been weird, but that didn’t mean I could just vent to a stranger, even if she seemed somehow…good to talk to?

She merely chuckled. “Have you considered asking the saints for help?”

“Ha. Sad thing is I’m Catholic, and my non-believer friend just reminded me earlier today of the saints.” I hung my head in shame.

“It’s never too late! Maybe God sent your friend to remind you. God can work through non-believers, too, you know.”

“Huh. And here I thought my friend just picked up a Saint Valentine charm because he has…love problems, I guess.”

“Saint Valentine is quite compassionate, always willing to pray for those hurt in love.”

I wondered just how compassionate the saints were sometimes, since I knew not everyone in the church was very compassionate. “What if…what if, hypothetically, I had a friend who loved someone, but…that love was a sin? Is it wrong to support that friend?” I half-expected her to scream that God would punish me if I let Chinhwa walk a path of sin, but her smile only grew warmer.

“Matters of the heart are complicated. The only one who can see our hearts fully is God. So, why should man judge something he can’t see?” I almost cried with relief to hear almost Rika’s exact words as I thanked her.

“Oh, I probably shouldn’t keep you—”

“Wait, before you go, can I give you something?” Before I could respond, she dug through her coat pocket. “Ah, here’s the one!” She held out a card to me. On it was a picture of St. Therese of Lisieux. “She kept life centered around service of God and her fellow man…she didn’t add complications like judgement or worry; she just loved her neighbor, no matter what.”

Maybe God _could_ speak to me through others. Maybe God was speaking to me through this girl, telling me just to love. Love my friend Chinhwa, even if he went down the wrong path. Love my friend Luciel, even if he’d disappeared to God-knows-where. Forget judgement or anger. It certainly sounded like a lot less work!

I was trying to find the words to thank her for this new understanding when I saw my bus approach, and I was still half a block away from the stop! I shouted back thanks and apologies as I ran, but when I looked back, she just waved peacefully after me, red hair blowing gently around her. I just made my bus, the wisdom charm and the St. Therese card gripped tightly in my hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes regarding traditions referenced in this chapter:  
> Post cards- it is common to send them to friends and family as Christmas souvenirs  
> New Years- South Korea celebrates the Solar New Year on January 1st and the Lunar New Year usually in January or February. The country has celebrated the Lunar New Year longer. Both are extremely family centered holidays, though family members abroad, especially in the West, have an easier time coming home for the Lunar New Year.  
> Korean Age Reckoning- In South Korea, a child is considered a year old at birth (the nine months in the womb counting as the first year) and is considered to have gained a year on the Solar New Year. So every child in a certain grade is the same age. Yoosung and Chinhwa, despite having different birthdays, are both turning 18, while Seven is turning 19, on January 1st  
> Sky University- Cheritz's fictional university is actually an acronym for the 3 top colleges in South Korea: Seoul National University, Korea University, and Yonsei University. Collectively they are known as SKY Universities, basically the Korean Ivy League.  
> CSAT- College Scholastic Ability Test. The Korean version of the SAT, which is administered in November of the last year of high school. The test is far harder than the SAT, and has been criticized for being a barrier to children who can't afford private tutoring as well as a link to stress, depression, and suicide.  
> Charms (like the "Wisdom" charm)- these are not a reference to any particular tradition and are more likely something I remembered from some anime. That was merely meant to be a cheap trinket that could carry the story  
> Saints- people who live(d) good lives of service to God. A common misconception is that Catholics pray to the saints as they do to God. Really they ask the saints to pray for them, the idea being that those in heaven can pray for those on Earth just as those on Earth can pray for each other. Saint Valentine is the patron saint of love, while Saint Therese was known for her devotion to loving God and her neighbor.
> 
> Full disclosure I am neither Korean nor Catholic and most of my research has been on Wikipedia, so anything I have said is false, please let me know! Clearly I am nerding out over this and am 100% open to new knowlege!


	14. The Worth of a Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone and depressed, Luciel seeks a reminder of why he chose his dark path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, no comments on the last chapter, hopefully you all didn't drop it :( Was it too much of a Korean culture lesson? I promise the next few won't be so heavy on the education. Is it because Yoosung seems to be getting close to someone else when he's supposed to be getting close to Seven? Probably. Look, I will promise you again that Yoosung and Seven are endgame...I'm just...marinating the ship! Does Seven really need all of Yoosung's internalized homophobia at this point? Poor Seven has enough to deal with. Speaking of which, let's find out some more about that this chapter! I'll say this, let these boys grow, ok? They will get together when they are mature enough to handle it!

** Seven **

I got rid of Yoosung’s photo strip almost immediately after I received it, but not before scanning a digital copy and hiding that behind so much encryption even my nosy superiors could never find it. Just that was a risk, but a calculated one, and I’m rather good at math. Better than a physical photograph to be found by my enemies…or even worse, my allies. My handler would turn me over to the board for violation of the “no attachments” rule in a heartbeat. Couldn’t even bribe that one; she’s so brainwashed and by-the-book. I bet the agency’s happy they have a fanatic like her to keep watch over a wild card like me.

I still looked at those photos more than I’d care to admit. They were cute together. Yoosung seemed to have released just a bit of that tension he always carried around. That didn’t happen around a great many people, and if Chinhwa was one of them, then I’d been right to leave Yoosung to him.

Chinhwa didn’t seem like a bad guy, though admittedly any normal schoolboy seemed good compared to what I dealt with, what I _was._ When I’d met him on Christmas, he was as Yoosung had described him: a calm, put-together lad who helped where he could. A little more spineless than Yoosung thought, so hence me having to give him a bit of a push, but a little spinelessness never hurt normal people. A healthy dose of fear kept people from pushing too far into the darkness that upheld our society. Yoosung needed someone smart enough to stay in the light with him.

And I wasn’t that. Yoosung didn’t need someone like me by his side. People like me were marshals of the darkness, who kept it off the bright paths of people like him. From a distance. Because even marshals of darkness were still dark creatures themselves, just as corrupted as the rest, and just as capable of ruining the innocent. People like him didn’t need me around to break their kind smiles or darken their bright hopeful eyes. People like….

And before long, my thoughts drifted to another good person who didn’t need someone like me around. Someone so pure, he’d cried for people who hurt him, begged me not to retaliate. Hell, he’d probably cry for me if he knew what I’d become. But that was one of many reasons I’d left. So he could grow up on a path of light, unburdened by the darkness that consumed me. I walked in darkness so he could smile under the sun.

I knew I’d never see him again. But I longed for at least a picture, proof that my efforts did in fact protect his smile. I knew he’d finally been moved from the cathedral to the secret sanctuary Rika had been working on for years. Being so close to him but unable to come see him had been hard. But now, not knowing where he was, his location the one place I could never track for his own protection…it was like losing him all over again. In my mind, I saw darkness. I saw everyone good walking up out of the dark depths I was confined to, leaving me behind…as they should…but still….

I couldn’t breathe. The numbers on the screen swam before me, and it took a few moments to realize it was because tears had obscured my vision. Damn, I’d have to start that code over from the beginning; that would put me behind schedule. If I couldn’t make up for it in time, my handler…well, no choice but to start over and make sure I got it done on time.

And when it was done, I’d call Rika. And ask her for a favor. A risky one. But it was a calculated risk, one imbued with every iota of my fantastic mathematical capabilities.

* * *

It’s been a while since I’ve met Rika one-on-one. With RFA becoming a household name (anyone who’s _anyone_ in Suburbia paid lip service to RFA) I’d rather avoid the attention she attracted. Hence my aloof role in RFA. I stuck to the background, tampering with the tech, while the others went out and “made the world a better place.” Even the other members kept a healthy distance from me. _Except when they can’t_ , I thought with a wry smirk. I as well kept a healthy distance. Except when I couldn’t. Like now.

Luckily, now Rika had her secret apartment, where we’d moved all record of RFA’s more…discrete operations. The whole swanky building was in V’s name, ostensibly set for conversion to an art museum once all the permits went through. (They never would) Until then, the only ones allowed in the building were V’s designees (Rika and myself) and various contractors. (I’d used so many disguises posing as all these contractors to keep up appearances!)

But my real achievement here, the reason we couldn’t let anyone in, was the security system. Rika’s apartment had a biometric scanner that only recognized her and myself. If anyone else entered, a bomb would collapse the whole building, World-Trade-Center-style! Destroy all files before they fell into enemy hands! Best part: the incident would be chalked up to some communist, anti-bourgeoisie terrorism and RFA would escape scrutiny! Of course, the bomb was a last resort; I’d rather not recreate all the files from scratch if I could avoid it!

When I entered, Rika greeted me with bright green eyes and a cascade of blonde curls that somehow still shone gold under the harsh fluorescent lights. Even with all I knew about her, it was hard to shake the angelic image of Rika that’d been burned into my younger brain. Maybe that’s why I was here now. Maybe even I, who’d thrown away hope long ago, couldn’t help but place its shattered remains in the hands of an angel, albeit a fallen one like Rika. In fact, better a fallen angel; that’s the only kind that would listen to someone like me. Maybe, just maybe, she’d show me a glimmer of the light that would never be mine.

Rika smoothed my hair and lectured me for not eating or sleeping enough. “I can see it in that pale, skinny face of yours!” Was she _really_ still trying to mother me like before?

“Rika, let’s just get to business.” She stared at me for a moment, her expression unreadable as she let her hands fall.

“All right.” She sat on the futon and motioned for me to join her, which I did, on its opposite end.

“Luciel.” She spoke in a cold, hard tone. I looked over, and the light was gone from her eyes. I didn’t let on how much my stomach recoiled. After all, this was nothing new. “You know what you’re asking is dangerous.”

“Yes.” I replied gravely.

“Not just for you and me.”

“I won’t let anything happen to _him.”_

She narrowed her eyes. “Then why ask this of me, Luciel? You know any hint of connection between the two of you could ruin him.” She paused dramatically. “Would you really take such a selfish risk?”

“Pfft. My life is nothing but risks. Calculated ones. You know this.” I lifted my eyes into hers and gave her a defiant grin. “And you know full well how selfish I am.”

She chuckled and patted her thighs, silent and expectant. I rested my head in her lap, knowing I’d get nothing from her until I complied. She really would be a great mother for my brother and the whatever other children came to her. They’d have no need to see the twisted puppeteer behind her motherly mask. Apparently, she hoped even after seeing beneath it, I’d still fall for it. I guess I wasn’t the only one with impossible dreams tonight. I couldn’t blame her. Until now, just protecting my brother was supposed to keep me under control. Well, a woman with a savior complex could be controlled just as easily as a boy with a mother complex. I nestled my head into her lap. _Let the games begin._

She stroked her fingers softly through my hair, a gentle ghost of the once comforting touch of so many years ago. Still, I leaned into it with a nostalgic sigh, catching the smile of domestic tranquility on her face in response. _Oh Rika, how many years have we played this game now?_

“Yes, Luciel, I know _exactly_ how selfish you are. When you’ve decided on something, you’ll do anything, no matter how _unsavory_ , to get your way.”

“Hmm…yep, sounds about right.”

“I tried to save you, you know.”

I reached up and took her hand in both of mine. “I know you did. The way I turned out was no failure on your part. I was corrupt from the beginning.”

She looked down at me with a sad smile. “Even so, I won’t stop loving you Luciel. Even in the darkness, you’re like my own child, as much as the ones in the light.”

"Tch. We’re a fucked-up family, Rika. But if we can save him together. That’s what I’ll do.”

“I know you will. That’s your brand of selfishness. You’re fixated on him.”

“Would you want a child any less dedicated?” I looked up at her innocently. Or maybe not so innocently. She knew my dedication to my brother was what’d kept me and my talents by her side all these years. For all she liked to envision herself a savior, she needed me. And, fortunately for her, she held the key to my charcoal-black heart.

She took the reminder rather well. “No, I suppose not. Though I wish you wouldn’t let it drown out the light you used to emit.”

“Hmm?”

“Oh yes, you shone brighter than anything as a child! I still remember your triumphant grin when you read your first book; do you remember?”

Sometimes with Rika I couldn’t tell if she was speaking in riddles or just letting her twisted emotions run out of control. This was one of those times. I tried my best to humor her. “Well, I know you taught me to read, but I’m not sure I remember the first book exactly….”

She nudged me and I sat up, allowing her to retrieve a book from the shelf before sitting back down, closer to me. “I could never forget the first book you read to me. It was one of the proudest moments of my life.” I followed her eyes down to the book in her lap, an aged hardcover of fairy tales. Not kid’s tales, either, but Grimm originals. Dark stuff. How fitting for my first book!

She placed both my hands on the book and hers over mine. She whispered, “Everything you want is in there.”

I looked up at her, eyes wide. Did I dare hope? “You mean….?”

She squeezed my hands and nodded. “Keep it safe, no matter what.”

I clasped the book to my chest, gulping for air. My head spun and I felt feverish. Rika’s hand was on my cheek, cool and refreshing like an oasis. I sank into her arms, my entire body limp save for my hands which clutched the book. She cradled me like a child. I guess she could bring me to my knees after all. I suppose I, selfishly fixated on my brother as I was, never really stood a chance against his guardian angel.

When I came to, I was on my back, head in Rika’s lap, book still clutched to my chest. She stroked my hair and hummed a lullaby. With closed eyes, she looked peaceful. I felt peaceful. Which meant enough time had passed for my body to calm down.

“How long was I out?”

She opened her eyes and smiled sweetly, reminding me briefly of the old days. Long before the games began. Or rather, before I became a player in them. “Only about twenty minutes. You need to sleep better if you want to avoid things like that.”

“Yes, Mom,” I said sarcastically as I sat up. She knew I wouldn’t be getting sleep anytime soon. Not with what I had in my hands.

“Luciel, before you go, may I ask you something?” Eager though I was to be alone with my prize, I couldn’t say no to the one who’d given it to me. I turned back and waited.

“How is Yoosung doing?” Inside me something lurched, but of course I didn’t let it on.

“Still our favorite little golden boy!” I gave a smirk. “Still top of his class, still Jumin’s top pick for an intern…hmmm…he seems happier lately, he’s making friends at school and stuff.” Yes, he _was_ making friends…and more than that too. And that didn’t sink my heart in the slightest. Because he was better off that way. And because I’d already shown Rika enough sentimentality to last a lifetime. I broke into a full playful grin. “Ah, kids, they grow up so fast, don’t they?!”

She peered at me for a time before responding. “They do indeed. I still remember him at ten years old, cute and innocent like a little church mouse.”

She’d brought that age up for a reason; I was sure. Yoosung was ten when he met me. But I wasn’t going down that road if I could help it. Instead, I simply snorted. “He’s still cute and innocent like a church mouse.”

“Indeed. He’s a pure child. He reminds me of _him,_ you know.” And there was another road I _definitely_ wasn’t going down. She wasn’t getting any more sentimentality from me tonight.

“Tch. Is that why you worry enough to send your demon child to watch him?” She never told me exactly what she wanted from me regarding Yoosung, and damn would it be nice to finally know!

"Maybe.” She smirked conspiratorially. “Or maybe I just thought you both could use a friend!”

“Sure, whatever.” I stood up to leave. I wasn’t going to get anything else useful out of her.

“You may not always agree with my methods, Luciel,” she called after me. “But you can’t argue that you and Yoosung have done each other some good.”

Without turning back, I paused at the door and held up the book. “I have no right to question your methods, as long as they get results. I’m a simple man.” With that, I left Rika to her devices and took off with my prize.

* * *

Once I made doubly sure I was alone in my home, and not bugged in any way, I removed the fairy tale book’s cover to reveal a photo of the sweetest person in all existence: my twin brother, Saeran Choi.

Though we supposedly shared a face, his was different, so much better, than mine- young, soft, and bright with a light within him that even our sordid past couldn’t extinguish. He still saw wonder in this world, which was evident in the wide, shining eyes he set on his photo companion, a butterfly on the end of his nose. He’d never asked me for anything except to take him outside. He’d been in love with the sky, trees, even insects. Now he’d be able to see them whenever he wanted. That was the reminder I needed. I worked in the shadows so he could finally walk in the light.

I wondered how old he was in this photo. Older than when I last saw him, but not by much. Though his age was hard to assess, even for me, since his sickly nature interfered with his growth. I turned the photo over, and was unsurprised to see nothing on it. Couldn’t leave any clues in case it fell into the wrong hands. Though, just to be sure, I checked the book for anything else, and found a scrap of paper with a string of numbers in Rika’s elegant scrawl. The code I’d taught her! Decoded, it read “paradise” and a date, one shortly after and far more memorable to me than the RFA launch which made it possible. The date Saeran moved to the sanctuary.

That explained why they had him out in front of the old yew tree at cathedral. Bringing him outside was a huge risk, one they didn’t take often. This had probably been taken as he finally left the cathedral. If it had been safe enough to stop and take a picture, it must’ve been a comfortable trip for him. And now he was safe, in a sanctuary even I couldn’t find, where he’d never have to hide indoors again. Maybe he’d finally grow properly too. That day really was the beginning of his paradise.

But not mine. I had work to do. I scanned the photo and hid it in a fortress of encryption much like Yoosung’s. Not the same fortress though. One photo falling into the wrong hands would be bad enough, but two? Unthinkable! Besides, for all Rika wanted to compare Yoosung and Saeran, they weren’t the same. Yoosung was born in light. He belonged there. No one would take him from it. Saeran was born in darkness. His path in the light was bought by the darkness of others. Rika. RFA. And me. One wrong move and the darkness would take him back.

By the time my handler came in to check on me, there was a fire in my fireplace and a new book in my library, and I was ready for whatever job she threw at me next.


	15. A Mysterious Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung doesn't expect to get any chocolates on Valentine's Day, but he does- from a secret admirer!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did the Valentine's Day episode on Christmas. I mean, I already did the Christmas episode like 2 months ago, so can't exactly do another Christmas episode now? Anyways, I'm glad I was able to finish; I was rushing to get a chapter out to you all as a Christmas gift! Sorry if there are more typos than usual, part of me rushing meant less of me editing! 
> 
> Also, thank you SO SO MUCH to everyone reading this, and those of you leaving kind comments and encouraging me in this! The story is evolving into something far bigger than what I thought it would be, and sometimes I get overwhelmed and self-conscious about what I'm coming up with (I shouldn't as long as I enjoy writing it I know!) But just know that your support is such a precious gift to me! I am loving writing this story and I'm so happy to be able to share it with you all! Thank you again and Merry Christmas!

Valentine’s Day wasn’t exactly a sad day for me, but it wasn’t exactly a happy one, either. It was just another day for me, though one I spent watching everyone else get excited over, leaving me feeling even more out of step from my classmates than usual. I never expected to get chocolate from any girls, though most years even loners like me were included when a kind soul or two made treats for the whole class. Although it was a pity prize, it was an appreciated reminder of how Rika used to give me chocolate every year when I was young. Of course, that had stopped when I got older and it seemed less appropriate, but I still looked back on it with fond nostalgia…and maybe a little longing.

This year, Kyon had taken up the duty of class chocolates, and I almost threw mine away out of spite. After all, this was the girl who’d started a nasty rumor about me! But Rika would be sad to see me being petty and wasting food, so I swallowed my pride and ate. Again, I was reminded of the Valentine’s Days we’d shared in the past. She’d promised someday someone would make the day even warmer and sweeter for me than she ever could. At the time, I hadn’t wanted to spend that day with anyone but her. As I grew up, I learned all the reasons why that was wrong, and started to hope maybe there’d be someone who could fulfill her promise.

I didn’t let myself hope too much though. After all, I doubted anyone could fill Rika’s shoes. Rika saw me when I was invisible; she found me and pulled me out of the dark and into her warm, bright embrace. She listened to all the thoughts I’d feared were too stupid to share. Without her, I bet I would have grown up to be a dark, cold robot, mindlessly studying and doing my duty. No girl could fill those shoes. Especially not some girl at school who decided to ask me out while barely knowing me. Maybe that was why I’d rejected Kyon. She was nice, but she could never be Rika. And given how she’d reacted, I’d say I dodged a bullet. Anyway, I’d started to accept that maybe Rika would be the only girl to ever give me Valentine’s Day chocolate after all.

So naturally, I was shocked when I saw the bag in my shoe locker after school. It wasn’t like all the other gift bags I’d seen around school, all pinks and reds and hearts. This one was different, and in my opinion, better; it was a deep purple with stars and meteors, which looked painstakingly drawn on instead of mechanically emblazoned on a mindlessly purchased bag. Even Rika had never done anything like this! Whoever did put in an endearing amount of effort. But it couldn’t be for me! No one noticed me enough to put that kind of effort in! They must have got the wrong locker!

I found an envelope attached to the bag. Thank goodness, I’d be able to find who this was meant for and get it to him. After all, I wouldn’t want some girl’s hard work to go to waste! My heart rate slowed again as I looked for the name on the envelope.

And soared right back up when I saw the name on the envelope was _mine._ I was simultaneously elated that the effort in this gift was for me and terrified of…well, I wasn’t sure what. But given what happened last time a girl confessed to me, the idea of accepting this gift seemed far more terrifying, and frankly exhausting, than simply passing it along to its intended recipient and returning to a safe level of detachment. But it would be rude to do nothing, and the girl who gave me this didn’t deserve that. Well, reading the letter and finding out who the mystery girl was seemed a logical first step.

_Okay. Deep breaths Yoosung. You can do this._ I slowly, shakily removed the letter from the envelope, looking for a clue about its author. But alas, even if she had signed the bottom, it had been ripped off, leaving jagged edges to an otherwise professional-looking document- typed, with stars in the borders! A lot of effort to put into something just to deliver it anonymously. Oh well, nothing more to do but read the letter.

_Yoosung Kim,_

_I’ve liked you for a while but been too cowardly to admit it. It’s a terrible idea, really. I mean, there’s no way you’d even ever see that way. How about this? I’ll sign the bottom but rip that part off and hide it. If you can guess who I am on your own, well, that would show that you can at least consider me in that way. Then I’ll give you the missing piece of this letter and confess my feelings properly. I’m sorry that’s the best I can do for now. You are so kind and pure and so much more of a gift to this world than you give yourself credit for. I hope I get the chance to tell you this to your face someday- then maybe I’d be able to make you see yourself the way I’ve always seen you. Happy Valentine’s Day._

Holy crap. I didn’t know who, but someone had poured her whole heart into a confession- for me! I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I mean, I wasn’t particularly handsome, or witty, or strong. I was just another average, brown-haired schoolboy, who didn’t talk much and stumbled over his words when he did. Who could notice someone like me?

But someone did. And this someone seemed to know me. Or at least observe me. How else could I explain the gift bag the same violet as my eyes, with hand-drawn stars and meteors? Someone must’ve known I share a name with a comet, and that I like space, which wasn’t exactly common knowledge. And that someone seemed to know me well enough to have some pretty strong feelings. It didn’t feel at all like when Kyon, a near stranger, had asked me out. It felt…more real somehow. Except for the fact that I had no idea who’d written this.

* * *

The next day after school, I lingered next to my locker with Chinhwa, who, having been filled in, helped me look for any girls nearby who might be acting differently. Thank goodness because he probably knew what to look for better than I did! He was far better with people than I was!

“Sorry, Yoosung, the last girls just left, and none of them even looked up from their conversation. It’s probably not one of them.” I groaned as he studied the letter. “Typewritten, huh? I guess analyzing the handwriting is out of the question then.”

“Ha, I didn’t think you the type to try such a spy movie move! You’re sounding like—” I cut myself off before I compared him to Luciel again. “…like you’re, um, really getting into this,” I finished lamely, pretty sure he knew what I’d been about to say anyway. He peered at me intensely while my face grew hot. Yep, he knew. I opened my mouth to apologize, but he spoke first:

“Have you told Luciel about this?” Lay more guilt on me, why don’t you?

“No…I mean, not yet. He’s probably busy.” I really didn’t want to discuss that at the moment.

“He’s your best friend, isn’t he? He wouldn’t be too busy for something like this.” See, with how far we’ve drifted, I wasn’t so sure I believed that, which was a possibility I didn’t want to think about. Which was why I didn’t want to discuss it. Call me a coward, but I’d rather pretend everything was fine and my best friend hadn’t vanished off the face of the earth.

“Hmmm.” Chinhwa mused. “Maybe Luciel sent that gift.” I’m sure my jaw dropped to the floor at that, though apparently the laws of science dictate otherwise.

“C-come on; don’t joke like that!”

He peered at me a little more intensely than I felt comfortable with. He didn’t seem to be joking. “Is it really that unbelievable? We’ve already agreed this seems to be the work of someone who knows you well. Maybe a close friend?”

I averted my eyes from his unusually piercing gaze. “Well, it wasn’t him. Not everyone’s gay, dude!” I laughed nervously before realizing what an offensive jerk I sounded like. “I-I didn’t mean….” Unable to think of what to say next, I trailed off and reluctantly let the silence fester.

Finally, Chinhwa chuckled. “You’re right; not every guy can be your token gay friend!”

“Is it ok to say that here? I thought you didn’t want people to know?” I admit I had a selfish motive for protecting his secret. With rumors still circulating about me, what would people think if one of my constant companions was outed? Of course, that wasn’t my only reason! I knew how bad the bullying was; I didn’t want Chinhwa to go through that too! He was too nice; he didn’t deserve that!

“It’s fine; everyone else is gone.” He was right. It was late, and everyone else was either in their club rooms or gone for the day. “Look, I’ve got to go too. I’m sorry we didn’t find any clues. We can check again tomorrow if you want?” I nodded, and he gave me one of his signature calm smiles. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re closer to the answer than you think.”

After he left, I decided I would talk to Luciel. Because Chinhwa’s case for him being my secret admirer had filled me with dread. Luciel wouldn’t _seriously_ send me something like that. He was straight. He had to be. He was a bit crazy, but a generally good guy who worked, did charity, and went to church. But he was also a prankster, and a fake secret admirer gift to his best friend wasn’t outside the realm of possibilities. And even though he didn’t go to my school, I had no doubt he could disguise himself as a student and find my locker without me knowing. He’d think the whole thing a grand game.

Was I still afraid of being blown off? Sure. But now I was even more afraid of finding out that sweet letter had just been a prank. I swallowed my pride and texted him.

**To: Luciel** We need to talk

* * *

“Defender of Justice 707 has heard your plea for help! How can I defend justice in your world today?” Honestly, he was still on that? He’d actually gotten that to stick; he was called Seven in RFA. As promised, I used the nickname there as well. And since I hardly spoke to him outside of RFA business anymore, I called him Seven more often than I called him Luciel. I didn’t think about it too much. Trying to understand why he insisted on such games was exhausting. But honestly, after not hearing his voice for months, his high spirits were a welcome sound. I rolled with it and filled him in on the situation.

“Oh Yoosung, my baby boy is all grown up and finding loooooove!~”

“Woah slow down there! I don’t even know who she is yet!”

“Doesn’t matter! You’ve got destiny knocking on your door! It’s in the stars!” I sighed. He really could be exhausting sometimes.

“Could you be a bit more serious here? This is kind of a big deal!”

“I am being serious! There were stars on that letter! Therefore, it’s in the stars!” I groaned, but before I could say anything, he continued in a more serious tone. “But really…I…have a good feeling about this. I want this to work out for you, Yoosung.” Woah. I know I told him to be serious, but he almost sounded almost grave. Though maybe I just wasn’t used to him being serious.

“Well…I have to find out who she is first.”

“I think you’ll find who they are soon enough. Just…keep your mind open, okay?”

“S-sure.” He sounded so invested in this, I’d completely forgotten my suspicion. I chuckled as I recalled it. “You know, as first, I was scared it was you!”

“Me?”

“Crap! Not like _that,_ but I thought it might be a prank, you know?”

“Aw come on! When have I ever pranked you?” His jokester voice was back. Good, because Luciel with no pranks _was_ a joke!

“Remember the coffee incident? You had me convinced I’d die if I didn’t gorge on chocolate milk! I _still_ can’t consume either without feeling sick!”

“It was for your own good! You shouldn’t drink coffee at your age!”  
  


I rolled my eyes. “And the time you cosplayed Rika and made me think she was sick because ‘her’ voice was different?”

“That was on you! You knew I had that wig! The world can be cruel, especially to those who are fooled by a wig! Consider it training!”

“Sev- I mean, Luciel, in what kind of world would I need to—”

“Okay, okay, I admit, I have a few tricks up my sleeve.” His voice mellowed out before dropping into that oddly serious tone again. “But I wouldn’t pull that messed up of a prank. I wouldn’t want to crush you like that.”

“G-good to know.” Seriously, Luciel being serious could give me whiplash!

“Hmm? You sound like you don’t?” Honestly, I hadn’t. I liked to think I knew Luciel, but he was still such an enigma. I couldn’t be sure how far he’d take a prank. And it didn’t help that I never talked to him anymore!

“I-I don’t know I…” Great. The topic I’d been terrified to think about for months was welling up in me, in my stomach, travelling up my throat, and I couldn’t force it back down. “I…wish we talked more.”

He paused for so long I feared I’d made him angry. But the voice that finally responded didn’t sound angry; it just sounded…weary. “I do too. I’m sorry I have to work so much. But that doesn’t change how I feel- you know, how I care for you.”

“I….” I paused, fighting back tears. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear that he hadn’t abandoned me until I actually did. “I c-care about you too! I spent all this time being angry and not trusting you, b-but you must be having a tough time too and I didn’t even notice. I’m sorry!”

“Heh. It’s understandable. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

I wiped my tears, hoping no more would fall. “You say that, but I feel like a pretty crappy friend.”

“You’re not. Even just reflecting like that shows that you’re not. Your friendship is a gift, more than you realize, okay? So, trust in this mystery person. I promise it’s not a prank. They’re real, and apparently also a great judge of character!” And the tears were falling again. It really wasn’t fair of Luciel to disappear for so long and then suddenly say something so nice and make me cry! But even so, I was happy.

“Oh shit!” Suddenly Luciel’s voice was a frantic whisper. “I gotta go, work thing! But find that mystery person! No matter what happens, I always want you to be happy! Don’t forget that!”

“Luciel, are you o—”  
  


“Thank you for doing business with Defender of Justice 707! Please come again!” He shouted loud and bright like a recording of a salesperson.

“Seven!”

_Click._ Nothing but a dial tone and my incredibly confused thoughts. I guess I should’ve been used to it by then. Luciel never ceased to confuse me.

* * *

That night, unable to focus on my studies, I indulged in one of the previous day’s star-shaped chocolates and thought things over. Valentine’s Day had not been the neutral day I’d grown accustomed to. It had been…well, a bit chaotic. But good. Someone out there noticed me. Maybe not someone who could take Rika’s place, but maybe someone I’d want to let in, like Chinhwa and Luciel thought.

And it’d brought Luciel back, in his own confusing way. And he sounded really upset over having to ignore me for so long. It must be rough, having to work so long and hard when he was so young. I shouldn’t be so hard on him. Or doubt him. He’d made me a promise: he would be my best friend if I accepted his secrets. I knew he had a lot, and I wasn’t always sure they were good, but I’d always trusted that he was sincere in our friendship, that in his own weird way, he wanted the best for me. I mean, hell, it was only because of him that I’d finally come out of my shell! For someone I couldn’t see very often, he sometimes knew me better than I knew myself. I found the thought strangely calming.

Until Chinhwa’s words echoed in my ears: _“this seems to be the work of someone who knows you well. Maybe a close friend?”_

No. There was no way. Was there?


	16. Ghost of a Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The delicate balance between Luciel Choi and Agent 707 is threatened by a ghost of the agency's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in 1 week? Is Emi actually getting it together?! Le gasp!!! Nah, I actually started this chapter back when I was working on chapters 11 and 12, so there wasn't much left to do when I decided this was where it would go! And I wanted one last addition to this story in 2020! So here you go!

**Seven**

My phone buzzed to reveal another text from Yoosung. Apparently, he’d attempted to draw Longcat. It was pretty cute, but rather than tell him that, I ignored the message like all the others. He was under the impression his constant texts brightened my work-laden day. Well, he was half-right.

The other half of the truth was that the more personal communication I had, the more risk there was to me and anyone communicating with me. The agency didn’t allow fraternizing with civilians, and for good reason- they could easily become hostages. What good was an agent whose every secret could be unlocked with a threat to a single person’s life? If the agency received wind of any potential hostages, it would take care of them before enemies ever could. As well as the agent who got them involved. That’s why I’d had to leave my twin behind. The agency could never, ever know about him.

Hence my concern with Yoosung’s efforts to re-establish our fraying connection, especially now. My handler had been a stickler for rules, definitely one to sell me out if I went too far out of line. But she’d also been one to avoid extra paperwork. If my transgressions weren’t obvious, she wasn’t going to look too hard. Monitoring me reduced her field hours and thus lengthened her lifespan; she didn’t exactly want to lose me. But she’d disappeared. I don’t know what Ms. Stick in the Mud did to piss off the agency, but it was enough to pay the ultimate price. And leave a new handler in her wake. And this one could never catch me putting a single toe out of line. Because this one had a very personal reason to sell me out.

His identity must have been compromised, because he had a new codename and a new appearance. His hair was longer and lighter, his clothes were more fitted and of more refined taste, and he’d gotten a face lift, giving him an almost delicate, feminine aesthetic. But one look at his profile told me Agent Vanderwood was the same person I knew back then. I could see it in those serious hazel eyes that carried the weight of the world. In that corner of his mouth that angled slightly downward, revealing more internalized stress than he would ever consciously let on.

He was definitely the same man I’d met when I first joined the agency as a kid. He’d been barely grown himself, but he’d made it his mission to look out for me while I lived on base. He got heavily involved in my training, lectured me about eating and sleeping properly so I had the highest chance of survival on missions, and bugged me about my deadlines so I wasn’t punished. Always with that concerned gaze and that slight pout. He was stern for my sake; he was the one person on that whole base who gave a damn whether I lived or died.

His concern helped me retain just a shred of my humanity in that place. I had a jokester side I’d once used to keep Saeran’s spirits up, which I’d planned to discard after joining the agency. But seeing Vanderwood stress over me made me hold on to and even escalate it, all to ease his aura of constant doom. He always yelled at me and threatened to tase me over it, but I could see in his face that my antics relaxed him, so I kept at them. They helped me too; behind them I could hide all my pain where it didn’t interfere with my functioning. Actually, at some point, I think my silly persona became more of a selfish defense mechanism than anything for his benefit. I think he knew that too. Still, he indulged me, and continued to watch over me in his own gruff way.

His habit of checking on me led him to discover the nightmares I was plagued with when I first left Saeran. More than once, I’d woken up to Vanderwood holding my hand, stroking my hair, and whispering in his worried tone that everything would be okay. We never mentioned it during waking hours, and I could pretend his comfort was part of my dream, my brain cooking up a happy ending for once. It certainly wasn’t an attachment. Because those could get me killed. And I was no good to Saeran dead. Still, it was nice to pretend.

Of course, all good fantasies must come to an end. The fantasy of my guardian Vanderwood came to an end when he confessed to being part of a group plotting to escape the agency and asked me for help. Of course, that’s why he paid attention to the child prodigy; he wanted to make use of my brain. I wasn’t disappointed that I was used; I’d already accepted that everyone would use me for something. Honestly, if my loyalty to the agency wasn’t absolutely necessary, I probably would have gone along with him.

I’d snuck in to visit him in his cell after he was confined. Call it morbid curiosity or gratuitous masochism, but it was something I absolutely had to do before he was…taken. As expected, he’d not been happy to see me.

_It was you, wasn’t it?”_

_I’m sorry.”_

_I wanted to take you away from here. I wanted to take you somewhere you could always smile.”_

_"I have no need to smile.”_

_"I guess I made a mistake, didn’t I?”_

_"I guess so.”_

_“Tch. Well, if I ever get a chance, I’ll make sure to erase my mistake. I promise you that.”_

I’d wanted to tell him I was sorry, that I’d had no choice, that I’d never forgive myself for losing him. I’d wanted to thank him for being the last good thing in my life. I’d wanted to cry and beg him to find a way to survive. I’d wanted to cling to him like a child, begging him to tell me it was all a bad dream and that everything would be all right. But when I saw my betrayal in his eyes, my words froze inside my heart. They were best left unspoken. No telling who was listening, waiting for me to pour out my secrets and my undoing to the dying man. And he’d be better off blaming me for his downfall. If he could focus all his last bit of energy on hate, he’d have none left to hurt. So, I’d left it at that.

He should have been killed. But he was alive, and on his way to me. He knew my tricks and ticks better than any other agent. And if he were anything like he’d been last time, he was determined to erase his mistake- me. He wouldn’t be lazy in his monitoring like my last handler. He’d keep on my trail of transgressions until he found the information that would finally kill me. No matter who else he took out with me.

I glanced at my phone, still open to Yoosung’s Longcat picture. He was the only one who contacted me on that phone. I had another for my business dealings with RFA and whatever other client I was making unscrupulous deals with at the time, another for official agency communication, and several others to use as burners or bombs when needed. It wouldn’t be too much trouble if the agency looked through those. They didn’t care much about side businesses if they didn’t become an interference; in fact, the right one could generate useful intel and clients for the agency, especially one involving my network. But my “personal” phone…now that was dangerous. My previous handler hadn’t bothered to investigate it, but Vanderwood….

“I’m sorry,” I whispered hoarsely as I wiped all data from the phone.

* * *

Admittedly, I was halfway convinced Agent Vanderwood would try to kill me on the spot when he arrived. I may have prepared a few tricks, a little extra security, a few easy-access escape routes, a few strategically placed weapons here and there, and of course, the bunker’s self-destruct button hidden safely on my person, free to use at any time.

But when he arrived, he looked nothing like the enraged, betrayed man I had encountered last time. His expression, dead stoic except to those who knew how to read him, revealed nothing but the regular level of apprehension. Agents could never be sure if relocation orders were disguised execution orders, or if they were not agency orders at all, but a ruse from rival hackers to lure agents out.

Because of this, handheld biometric scanners were essential for greetings like this. We held our scanners up simultaneously, and I removed my glasses. I swore I saw a hint of a smirk. Thought he’d catch me off guard, huh? Unfortunately for him, those glasses were for show. The real corrective lenses were in my contacts, so I could see just fine if he tried to pull something. He didn’t, however, and the scanners confirmed we both were who we claimed to be. He seemed a bit more relaxed after that.

“Agent 707, I’m Agent Vanderwood. I’ll be your handler starting today.”

“I’ve been expecting you.”

“Tch. If you think that means you’d be able to hide anything unsavory before I arrive, you’re mistaken. It wouldn’t be my first time flushing out a traitor.” I was aware of this. I’d looked into him already. Of course, everything about his origin was forged, and all evidence of the man he’d once been erased. But the records of what he’d become were quite telling: all his partners had vanished shortly after his arrival. That was no coincidence. Agent Vanderwood was a loyalty officer; specially trained to weed out agents who broke the rules. Ironic placement for a man who’d tried to desert, though letting him live after that must have changed his heart. No matter. Even he couldn’t find what I kept hidden. I don’t know why the agency bothered.

“Don’t worry, I left all the cat porn in plain sight for you to see!” His face grew red with bluster, just like old times.

“Ugh. The boss had told me you were a joke machine.” He pulled out a taser. “I don’t have the time or patience for your jokes. My orders were to keep you alive unless you’re found to be a traitor, but I’m free to use this as much as I please. You’d do well to remember that, got it?”

“Eh heh heh, I mean, there _is_ cat porn on my computer; that’s not a joke.” The taser came dangerously close to my face. “But understood, sir! No jokes! I wouldn’t want to get another taste of your taser!” Yes, I’d planned that. No use pretending not to know why he was there; best take the gloves off early on. Then he’d do what he had to do quicker, and one of us wouldn’t be alive at the end of it. I couldn’t let that person be me. And if I had to eliminate my former guardian to protect myself…I’d rather do it sooner than later.

I’m not sure why I thought he’d drop the act as soon as I revealed myself. Maybe the image of his murderous eyes the last time we saw each other burned into my brain made it hard to believe he’d withhold his hatred any longer than he had to. But all he did was cock his head to the side in exasperated confusion.

“The hell are you talking about? We’ve never even met! Mistaking me for someone else? Geez, and you’re supposed to be the smartest in the agency. So far, I’m not impressed.” He was a better actor than I thought. I guess I wasn’t giving him enough credit. He was agency-trained, after all. Not to mention good enough at his job to be spared after a desertion attempt, which I was honestly still trying to wrap my mind around. But I couldn’t quit now. I called out his old name.

He fixed me with a stare, blank save for increasing annoyance. No recognition whatsoever. His acting was starting to fool me, and I was trained to recognize a bluff! Had the trauma of my past betrayal actually become a repressed memory? But the agency would never keep an agent with memory problems! But then, they’d never keep a confirmed traitor either, yet here he was! Gah, none of this made sense!

But if he really didn’t remember, then he might have no personal reason to get me eliminated. Maybe he could even be reasoned with, like my last handler. Though I’d have to offer him something far better than whatever the agency had offered him to expose his previous partners. I’d better observe him further before making a decision. “What the hell are you on about?” His eyes pointed at me, demanding answers. Answers I was no longer sure I was ready to give.

“Ah, I’m just thinking of names for the kitties in my cat porn!” The next thing I felt was my entire body locking as he flooded it with electricity. The last thing I saw before my vision went dark was his mouth twitching downward in annoyance, and his eyes rolling with exasperation, but nothing more. No hated. No bloodlust. No recognition whatsoever.

* * *

When I came to, Vanderwood was on my computer, reporting his findings on the phone. “Yeah, boss, his computer is clean so far. Lots of hidden weapons in the bunker, though; kid’s paranoid as all hell about something…no, like, more than a normal agent…well, yeah; I know he’s not normal.” I silently checked the self-destruct button. It was still there. I figured he’d never think to look there. Good. I’d rather stay in charge of that one.

“The quiet? Oh, that’s ‘cause I tased him; he was making weird jokes; pissed me off…don’t worry; I didn’t kill him; that decision’s above my pay grade…By the way, he called me a strange name before…do you know anything about a….”

He _asked the boss_ about his former identity?! That was like begging for death! Agents did _not_ go and bring up deleted information, especially to the boss! But, judging by his reaction, the boss hadn’t given him any reason to regret his mistake! “I see; he _does_ seem the type to make up crap like that up as a joke; should I search public records for someone by that name just in case?...I see. Understood, boss. I’ll stick to the matter at hand.”

I almost passed out again from shock. He asked the boss for forbidden information and didn’t seem to have even been reprimanded! And the way he’d asked; it was so…innocent. _Like he had no idea that the name had been his own._

With that idea, a few things clicked into place. How he’d asked for deleted information, seemingly with no knowledge of the danger of that request, but came out unscathed. How he’d seemed genuinely confused by my claims about his identity and his past. How he’d even been allowed to live after his betrayal. There was one hypothesis that, if true, could explain all of these, and it sounded crazy, but if I rule out every impossibility, then I’m only left with the possible, no matter how outrageous it sounds.

_What if the agency had somehow manipulated Vanderwood’s memories?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it through 2020 y'all! Please have a fun and safe New Year's Eve, avoid large gatherings, social distance, and wear your mask! There is no shame in spending NYE reading fanfic with spiked hot cocoa! Actually I'll be tuning in to the live stream of one of my favorite Mystic fic authors, Lumiolivier, to bs about Mysme, anime, the fanfic life, and life in general in our cozy little corner of the internet! Feel free to join us 9PM US Central Time, https://www.instagram.com/lumiolivier/?hl=en


	17. The Party of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amidst the chaos of the first RFA party, Yoosung seeks answers, both about last month's mysterious gift, and about the strange friendship he's had with Luciel for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, fellow Yooseven simps! Especially you. Yes, you. You know who are. You get your own hello. Hello to you specifically. God7 has heard your prayers and...well, be careful what you pray for. Buckle up; it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

**Yoosung**

I really didn’t have time to obsess over Valentine’s Day and the mystery chocolatier. Spring rapidly descended upon us, and with it, even more cram school in anticipation of senior year and the dreaded CSAT. I didn’t even get to help RFA plan their first annual fundraising party! I only even got to go because my dad heard there’d be influential guests for me to kiss up to. So, one night of freedom in an endless cycle of school and studying. No time to obsess over Valentine’s Day.

And yet obsess I did. My mind constantly wandered to questions that no amount of studying could answer. After a while, I gave up analyzing every girl in class, because Chinhwa was right; none acted any different than usual. And my attention was elsewhere anyway. I hadn’t originally thought much of Chinhwa’s suggestion that Luciel was the culprit, but the way he’d acted when we last spoke…I found myself questioning the possibility. Just a little. Maybe a lot.

Luciel is hardly ever serious. But when he is, he _really_ is. And that day, he was pretty serious about a few things. Like missing me. Wanting me to be happy. Wanting this mystery person to be real and wanting things to work out… _almost as if he were personally invested in it._

Not to mention the meticulous detail put into the wrapping, the purple, the stars, things that required knowledge of me most didn’t have. I couldn’t shake Chinhwa’s assertation that only a close friend could pull that off, and I didn’t have many of those. And honestly, the whole guessing game mystery was so like him!

But that would mean Luciel was gay, right? And that just couldn’t be true. I mean, he was Catholic! But then, despite his showy silver cross, I rarely saw him at church. Probably too busy working, just like he was too busy to answer his damn texts! Although I wasn’t much better in terms of attendance. Sermons weren’t going to help me on the CSAT after all! When did I even pray or think about God, anyway? He seemed nice when Rika talked about him, but otherwise he just seemed like another ideal I could never live up to. Did Luciel feel the same way? Like he wore a costume whenever he walked into church? Was his religion a lie?

Gah, Luciel was so hard to understand! He’s always gotten me better than I got myself, but every time I thought I had a grasp on just who _he_ was, he’d elude me again. He’d shine like a golden child in church or a boardroom, and then he’d dress like a fairy or call himself a god. Sometimes he could play people like instruments, and sometimes he had such crippling anxiety he could only see people under disguise. He’d hang all over me like a puppy, and then ignore me for months, only to act…almost afraid of me believing he’d leave?

Actually, if there’s one thing I think I’m sure of about Luciel, it’s that he’s always oddly afraid of something. Probably related to the millions of secrets he’s keeping. That’s why he’s so weird in public. Probably why he makes everyone call him Seven too, just one more disguise. And why his home alarm’s practically an air raid siren! And why he’s almost never serious. Hell, even when he cracks jokes about “staying on top of the world’s tricks,” isn’t he admitting to believing the world will trick him?

Isn’t that why I’d been so drawn to him in the first place? He’d seemed so powerful, like he could command the sun itself, but also so painfully scared. I’d had all kinds of conspiracy theories about him in the beginning, each scarier than the last, but I kept thinking if it were that scary for me, how scary must it be for him? Looking back, the theories I’d come up with were pretty wild, but the feelings were real regardless! Besides, I wouldn’t have come up with such wild theories if he’d just been honest about the time we _really_ first met! Why was he so determined to forget?

I hadn’t thought about that day in a long time, because he’d threatened to leave if I brought it up again. It’d been so long those memories were now blurred. I know I snuck out of church with a boy and got in trouble for it. There were flashes of flaming red hair and brilliant golden eyes that both shone like a beacon and darted about in fear. There was a confident voice that spoke in riddles. From the very beginning, he was an enigma. And I’d been fine with that. I didn’t have to understand him, as long as he stayed with me. So, when he left without even telling me his name, I cried. What kind of face had he made then? Why couldn’t I remember?

_Oh god._ It’s not that I couldn’t remember. I wouldn’t remember his face in that moment because I’d instinctually closed my eyes. When he _kissed_ me. What I remembered were sensations: of being warm, of feeling tingly, and of vaguely knowing I was doing something wrong but not wanting to stop. Of hoping that would make him stay.

I remembered his words: _“I like you, okay? So please don’t cry.”_ I remembered the look on his face was filled with pain. And I’d somehow known he didn’t want to leave any more than I wanted him to. And that he’d leave anyway. And I didn’t know why. And that made me afraid. So eventually I’d forgotten.

* * *

I was a wreck by the night of the RFA party, though I played it off as homework-related sleep deprivation. I hadn’t been able to help RFA plan the party at all, so I at least had to show a strong face at the event. Besides, I didn’t want Rika to worry for me on such an important night. And I had Chinhwa to look out for. Rika had suggested that I invite him, said it would be nice to have a friend there. And, as my dad had mentioned, there would be people there it wouldn’t hurt for us both to know. The thought made me groan. I knew the adults in my life meant well, but schmoozing with big shots at the RFA party was the furthest thing from my mind tonight.

I hadn’t told Chinhwa what I’d remembered about Luciel. Even though he was probably the one person who wouldn’t raise an eyebrow over it, I still couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. Mostly because I was unsure of what it meant, and that scared me. Was Luciel gay? Was I? I wasn’t sure I was ready to be gay, especially with my parents and teachers and RFA and even Rika telling me to start thinking about my future. Being gay didn’t really fit into that.

Being gay seemed scary, like it could ruin my future. Even Chinhwa, the calmest person I knew, didn’t tell people, not because he seemed particularly fearful, but because he “had to be smarter than that.” Was that why Luciel was so scared? I mean, compared to the conspiracy theories I used to cook up about him, something like that seemed rather trivial, but I’d be scared in his shoes.

But Luciel was my first and best friend. He was the most important person to me other than my family, and nothing, no matter how big and scary, could change that. In the past, something caused him to run away from me, and that’d hurt so much I forgot. I couldn’t let that happen again.

“You okay?” Chinhwa asked as we entered the party hall. I guess scanning the crowd for Luciel like a junkie searching for their next hit, was probably a bad way to start the night if I wanted to keep my internal struggles…well, internal.

“Yeah. Just a bit nervous. There’s a lot of important people here, after all.” I couldn’t tell Chinhwa I was losing my mind because amidst this crisis, Luciel’s phone had been disconnected. Or that I was wracking my brain wondering if Luciel was running again or if he’d simply forgotten to pay his phone bill. Or that I feared this party was my last chance to talk to Luciel before he disappeared completely. No; I’d just play it cool and excuse myself the second I saw Luciel. And after that…well, I didn’t know exactly. But I knew I needed to talk to him.

Chinhwa briefly squeezed my arm and gave me one of those serene smiles of his. “They’re just people. No more or less important than yourself. Treat them like people and they’ll respect you.” I gave Chinhwa my best smile. He was so kind, and if the big shots in the room were the real reason for my nerves, I had no doubt he could ease those.

“Champagne?” I jumped as the reason for my nerves appeared a few feet away in the form of a white-suited redhead with a platter full of drinks. What did I do?

“Yoosung, are you okay?” Chinhwa’s hand was back on my arm, his face concerned. I nodded and pulled away. I’d explain to him later.

But his grip on my arm tightened. “You don’t look so good. Let’s go get some water.” He started to pull me toward a drink table across the giant room. I couldn’t go; at that distance, I’d lose Luciel in the crowd! But how did I--?

“And no champagne for you two, because I hear you’re underage!” I turned around, and there was Luciel’s bright, smiling face! I’d never been so happy to see it before!

“Luciel!”

“Yeah, it’s me. Come on, I’m not _that_ exciting!” He chuckled merrily before turning to Chinhwa. “And who’s your friend?” Just a while ago, I was so excited for my two best friends to meet, but now, I wanted to get it over with so I could talk to Luciel.

“Right! Chinhwa, this is—”

“Defender of Justice 707, at your—”

“Luciel, though for some god-awful reason he’s convinced all of RFA to call him Seven like he’s some sort of game character. Luciel, this is Chinhwa, my friend from school.”

“Eh? So, _you’re_ Chinhwa?” I swear Luciel’s face lit up even more. “Yoosung talks about you all the time! I must say, thank you for taking such good care of my boy in school. You know, I was worried he wasn’t ready…he was such a young thing after all!”

“You’re not my father, Luciel,” I groaned. But at least Chinhwa seemed to roll with it.

“Haha. I try my best, sir! Speaking of which, we were about to get some water; he wasn’t feeling well earlier.”

“I’m fine, really—”

“Not feeling well?!” He gave a dramatic gasp. “Did you eat dinner? That must be it! You can’t skip meals, you know! Chinhwa, get him to the food table, stat!”

“Aye, aye, Captain.” Chinhwa pushed me along. “You heard the man.” I twisted back toward Luciel, but he’d already slipped into a throng of people. Was that really all he had to say after not talking to me for a month?! And Chinhwa; I knew he was trying to help, but he’d kind of done the opposite! I needed to get back before….

“Yoosung!” Rika strode over to us before I could do anything, flanked by several poshly dressed thirty-somethings. I was frustrated, but Rika pulling me into her arms did ease the situation a bit. Even if it was to show me off. There was hardly a time Rika couldn’t soothe me.

For much of the rest of the night, Rika introduced me to socialites. It was mildly frustrating, but I tried my best. After all, she’d put this whole huge party together; gathering all these influential people to donate to charity. She’d brought her dream to reality where it shone bright like the sun, and I couldn’t help but bask in it. I beamed as she took my arm and proudly introduced me to the most powerful people I’d ever met like I had a right to speak to them!

I put all my efforts into conversation, and I think I won some approval. Jumin even said he’d have to double his efforts to claim me for C&R if I kept winning over his competition so easily! I was just glad I could live up to expectations for Rika’s sake. Although Chinhwa was the one really working that room! And honestly, it was nice to slow down and let him do the talking. It gave me time to figure out what I would say next.

It also gave me time to look for Luciel. He did pop by close a few times, but never stayed in range long enough for me to excuse myself. He couldn’t be avoiding me. He probably just hadn’t seen me. It’s not like we made eye contact, and I wasn’t recognizable from a distance like he was.

My chance came when Rika introduced us to some research scientists, this time putting Chinhwa on display. His dad was a bioengineer, a field he hoped to enter as well. I smiled, nodded, and silently cheered my friend on…until I saw flash of red hair and a champagne platter. This time, our eyes met. Then he vanished again! Was he _really_ avoiding me? But this time, I wouldn’t let him. I excused myself from Chinhwa’s impromptu interview and took off in the direction in which he disappeared.

I didn’t pay much attention where I was going until I crashed into someone. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” I bowed in repentance before looking up into Zen’s glowing face. “Oh, s-sorry Zen.”

“Thank goodness you’re not a fangirl! I need a break, even if it can’t be that long! A cost of being so beautiful; I’m afraid!” I giggled. He _was_ pretty, and so narcissistic about it! Sometimes it was annoying, but others, it was hilarious, and I needed a laugh right now.

“By the way, you seem tense; you all right, buddy?” He peered at me with more concern than I knew was possible for him. Maybe it was the warm, scarlet eyes? Or his charismatic celebrity aura? Or maybe I was just worn out, and Zen’s distance from the situation made him safe to vent to?

“Have you ever needed to tell someone something, but you’re afraid if you do, they’ll disappear?” I knew as soon as I’d said it that it made no sense without more context than I wanted to give. Maybe this was a bad idea, after all.

Zen scratched his head. “Eh, I’m not entirely sure what you mean. But I take it this person is important to you, yes?”

“Yes! One of the most important people in my life!”

“And do you think this person feels the same way?”

“I think so.” Luciel may have secrets, and he may be distant sometimes, but when I looked at how he was with me over the years, I couldn’t help but think, or maybe hope, that he cared about me the way I did about him.

“Hmm.” He peered at me while he deliberated. “I see.”

“You see what?” I prompted eagerly.

“It looks like you’re in love!” Zen gave me a wide grin and a wink that exhausted me. _I_ was not the one in love here; I was just trying to deal with it!

“It’s not—”

“But in all seriousness, if you two care for each other that much, I think your bond can handle whatever you need to tell them. And I think they’d want to know instead of having it stuck inside you, stressing you out and all!”

Wow. Maybe Zen was right. I always wished Luciel would tell me what’s troubling him so maybe I could help. Maybe he felt the same way. The idea made me feel warm inside. And it renewed my resolve to talk to him.

“Well, from the look on your face, seems my wisdom has blessed you! Don’t be so surprised! I’m more than just a pretty face, you know!”

“Thank you, Zen! This really did help!”

“I’m glad! I always meant to hang out with you more, but I’ve been so busy with work!” I almost laughed at the familiarity of those words. “But we should totally hang sometime, get drinks or something!”

“Dude, I’m 17.”

“…Right. Maybe face masks then! Wonderful stress relief, those!”

Before I could answer, Chinhwa rushed over, thankfully not with Rika and the science bigshots. “Yoosung, I’ve been looking for you!” Noticing Zen, he bowed. “I’m sorry to interrupt. Hello, sir. My name is Lin Chin-hwa, a classmate of Yoosung’s. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Zen laughed merrily and clapped Chinhwa on the back like a friend. I’d forgotten how forward he could be. “Ah, never thought I’d be a ‘sir!’ Just call me Zen: painfully gorgeous musical actor and Yoosung’s…business associate? Hmm, that sounds too formal! Yoosung, you’d call us friends, right?” It was bizarre how long the eyelashes he batted at me were. For someone so muscular, he had some nice soft features as well.

“Uh, sure!” When Zen didn’t seem entirely convinced, I smiled wider. “We’ve been in RFA together for a year now, it’s hard _not_ to be friends!” I said it, but truthfully, I still didn’t consider anyone in RFA but Luciel and Rika my friends. Maybe V, since he was marrying into my family. Though the others seemed nice, I wouldn’t say I knew them well enough to call them friends. It was nice to hear Zen call me one, though.

“That’s good to hear!” Zen’s forwardness struck again as he took my hand in both of his. “I must return to the fangirls now, but let’s talk more as friends from now on!” He released my hand and added, “By the way, good luck!” With a wink, he was gone. Thank goodness he reminded me of my mission, because his theatrics could be really distracting…and a tad jarring.

“Yoosung, are you all right? Rika wanted to introduce us to—”

“I’m sorry, but can you cover for me for a little while? I…” I took a deep breath and decided not to keep it all to myself anymore. Because if Zen was right, then Luciel wasn’t the only close friend who’d want to know if something was troubling me. “I need to go find Luciel.”

He peered at me pensively for a moment, before smiling softly. “I saw him go outside. Let me show you.”

* * *

As we got deeper into the garden and further from the crowd, I nervously mused as to why Luciel would come out this far.

“I’m sure he has his reasons, he’s always been the eccentric type, right?” I shrugged. He’d personally known the guy for all of 5 minutes and he knew what was up.

“Why so urgent, anyway?” I paused. Was there something a bit different about Chinhwa’s normally mild tone? I thought so, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what.

“What do you mean?”

“Ah, not to pry or anything…it’s just, you’re coming out all this way in the middle of your cousin’s party, and you seem a bit…different.” I guess he could tell I was being a spaz all night. I needed to stop troubling him and tell him. He was my friend. He’d understand. Hopefully.

“R-remember when you said maybe Luciel gave me that Valentine’s Day chocolate?”  
  


“…yeeeeeeah?”

And that was it. All the reasons I thought Luciel was the mystery chocolatier came pouring out. The way that person had seemed so close to me. The strange, ebb-and-flow relationship Luciel and I’ve had over the years. How he always seemed to have something he was afraid to tell me. The only thing I left out was our childhood encounter, partly because I wasn’t ready to admit it, and partly because I was still afraid Luciel would disappear if I mentioned it.

I’d averted Chinhwa’s eyes the entire time, and when I finally looked back up, his expression wasn’t its usual calm; it was eerily unreadable. “Um, I’m sorry if I said anything weird….”

“So, you think your best friend’s in love with you. And how do you feel about him?”

“What do you mea—”

“Would you return his feelings?” His gaze was far more intense than usual, causing me to shrink back. He sighed and softened. “Sorry, but if you can’t even tell me how you feel, how are you going to tell him?” Damn. He had a point. I’d thought as soon as I saw Luciel I’d know what to say, but I might need a better game plan than that.

“Well…I don’t think I’m gay, so I don’t think I could? But…I love Luciel. Maybe not like he wants, but I want to help him if he’s suffering, especially because of me. Does that make any sense?”

“Hmm, so you’d try it, then?”

“Try what?”

“A relationship. With a guy.”

I paused, remembering the pain and fear in Luciel’s eyes that day at church. Far too much for him to carry alone. Twisting him for years. If I’d understood that back then, could I have helped him? Could I help him now?

I looked Chinhwa in the eyes, not shying away this time. “If it will help, yes.”

His eyebrows raised. “There are consequences for having that kind of relationship. You saw that just with those rumors. Could you accept that?

“W-well…” I started to falter. The bullying had been difficult. But once again, it probably wasn’t much compared to whatever Luciel had been enduring by himself. “I don’t think I’d want to tell anyone, but maybe that can work! He’s full of secrets anyway, what’s one more? Besides, I don’t want him to suffer either; keeping it secret would be best for both of us!” I started to feel lighter as the plan came together in my mind. I should try talking things out more often!

Chinhwa started to chuckle, and I looked up at him quizzically. He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked at me with something that seemed almost like relief, though I’m not sure what that would be about. “You really _are_ too sweet for your own good, you know that?”

“Eh, I’m not sure about that; I mean, I was blind to his suffering for—”

“No.” Now both of his hands were on my shoulders, with an intensity I was not prepared for. “You _are_ sweet. And kind. And a gift to this world, so much more than you give yourself credit for.” Wait, why did those words sound so familiar?

“Ch-Chinhwa?” I asked hesitantly, unsure of what was about to happen, but knowing it was _something_ big.

He finally took his hands off me and dug into his pocket with a nervous look on his face. “I…think it’s time I showed you this.” He took out his wallet and retrieved a folded up piece of paper from it. “I…honestly didn’t think I’d ever be able to show you, but the way you are now…I’m so happy.” He gave me the soft, kind smile I was used to, and even as I knew something big was happening, I was able to calm down a little bit. Until he unfolded the paper and held it out to me. I’d never seen it, yet recognition settled heavily in the pit of my stomach.

It was a piece of standard printer paper, or at least the approximately 30% that remained of it, jagged edges at the top where it’d been torn. Around the bottom and sides was a computer-generated border with stars. One that I’d seen before. Suddenly, things clicked, and I realized why Chinhwa’s words a moment ago had sounded so familiar! I’d read them!

With shaking hands, I read the rest of the letter I’d started last month:

_If you’re reading this, even if you don’t yet see me the way I see you, you’ve shown that you can see the possibility of something like that. Which means I have a chance. So here it goes: I love you, Yoosung._

_Sincerely,_

_Lin Chin-hwa_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how many people hate me after this chapter ending? No, you know what? I won't worry about that! It's tagged "slow burn" for a reason; we knew it would get painful before we get our sweet release! Also, I updated the story summary like 3 chapters ago with some foreshadowing ;)
> 
> Out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on Chinhwa's character at this point?


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